Shades of blue
by GalliaDavia
Summary: A suggestion how the scene at the lab container might have ended reworked . Further glimpses regarding how the survivors reorganize their life. Trudy, Grace and Norm around. Rated T, but just in case, regarding possible further chapters. Please review!
1. Chapter 1

_Just seen the movie and fell sooo in love with it - just a thought how the scene could have ended - probably to be continued._

_Disclaimer - I don´t own any of the characters of Avatar. _

_Please review._

_author´s note - 01/17/2010 - alright, here we go! Some of my readers (thanks to you, guys!) pointed out to me that Jake appears more the whiny guy, that was at least people´s comment to the first chapter. That surprised me, as it wasn´t what I had wanted to point out or describe. So I decided to change some details here to try and make clearer what I wanted to express in the first place - that is that I in fact saw that he´s a warrior at the heart (thanks to James Cameron for that helpful description of the character!) - but I still think he was meant to be enough down to earth to see the problems explaining to the united Na´vi tribes that their hero is the disabled guy in the wheelchair - I mean, that´s actually crucial for the whole story, the avatar enabling him to things he would otherwise probably never have been able to do and achieve again. I hope it worked! Thanks for the support !__!  
_

* * *

"I see you", he whispered, reaching out to touch her face.

"I see you", she whispered back.

She looked down at his face, the dreamwalker´s face – strange in a way and still so familiar. Human, but still…

She had known that there was another body. That his soul belonged to another shell. Though the humans looked small and clumsy to her, she had sometimes wondered what his real body might look like. If his skin was pale or dark, his hair light or dark. Still, she had never really been able to imagine his human appearance.

He slowly relaxed, the mask delivering the air the humans needed. She knew that they couldn´t breath Pandora´s air. She knew that he had almost died.

"Thank God you are alive", he said.

She frowned for a moment, her ears twisting in a nervous move.

"What about Quaritch ?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

She lowered her head a little. "He is dead."

His hand had dropped from her face down to her forearm. She could feel the light and warm touch there.

"Condemn me for it, but thank God for that, too", he whispered.

Exhausted by the physical shock and the mental strain, he closed his eyes. It felt strange, hopping from one body to another, and though he had returned to a body that had rested for days by now, he could still feel the adrenaline and the pain. Grace would have told him that he only remembered the feeling – but it didn´t make him feel any better right now. Besides that, rest alone wasn´t enough – his human body needed other things in addition. Like food and water.

And a shower, he added silently.

Neytiri, feeling equally strained and tired, took the chance to study his body while he didn´t watch.

Jake realized how much stronger than him she really was. Not stronger than his Na´vi body – but so much stronger and taller than the small human being. She had saved his life, again. In another situation, he might simply have felt small and pathetic - but right now, her touch felt just right – and he felt safe.

The moment he opened his eyes again, hers had returned to his face.

"We should go", she suggested lowly. "The others will gather." She glimpsed at the strange looking equipment around her.

"I can´t come with you", he told her.

Her eyes widened at his words.

"He damaged…the machine ?" she asked. The words sounded strange out of her mouth.

He nodded. "There are others at the headquarters", he said. Hopefully, they still were, he prayed - and people left who would be able to get them working as well. But for now, even if the lab hadn´t been sabotaged or otherwise damaged, the place was just too far away.

At least for a disabled marine.

"I will send a message to the others. Then we´ll wait for help", she told him.

"You are their leader, Neytiri. Go. Just hand me a weapon and…."

"It wasn't a suggestion", she interrupted him, her tone calm, but firm. "And you are their leader as well."

All of a sudden, he felt bitter and desperate. Quaritch had brought him back to reality brutally – and there was no way to avoid facing it. You had to wake up in the end.

"Look at me", he said lowly. "And tell me again I am their leader." There was no bitterness in his voice - only the light frustration of somebody talking about facts and a tired grin. A grin so similar to the one she knew.

To his amazement, she did like he had told her. Seconds passed. He had wished to avoid this happening, ever since and never more than right now. Too much stuff he wouldn´t know how to explain. Besides, there were other to be done right now.

Her huge amber coloured eyes returned again to his face while she helped him into a sitting position.

"Like I told you", she said. "I see you."

She got up to leave and send a message to her people. Their people. Then she turned to him on her way out.

"As you should know by now", she added.


	2. Chapter 2

_Here we go, folks! Thanks for your reviews! Regarding iambubby´s review, I found it very helpful as I also don't think of Jake as the whiny guy, not in general. Still, I think it´s an important point - considering the Na´vi´s general physical advantage as well as the fact that his avatar gives him the chance to not even stand on his own feet and legs again, but to do all that crazy flying and jumping and running stuff, he would probably have preferred that she doesn´t see his disablement. And I think even if he´s more than willing to face things (not that you´d have any other chance if you´re that obviously handicapped…), I think it´s unavoidable to develop at least some kind of defiance – I´ll work on that – thanks! _

_Besides that, I realized today that I´ll have to watch the movie a second time, as I am just not sure about many details you just miss when watching a movie for the first time - I´ll work on that, too, I promise :-) And, as this is the big advantage of a fanfiction - Grace and Trudy survived !  
_

Please keep on reviewing! I am sorry for any mistakes in spelling and phrasing, but I was in a hurry to upload things and still get to the new year´s eve party in time!

_Now I wish you all just a happy new year 2010!_

_

* * *

  
_

The day had been too long. Again. People all around them, humans like Na´vi, were just exhausted by the last days´ happenings.

After Max had enabled him to connect to his avatar again from the lab at the base, he had returned to his people. Had witnessed the chaos and death around with the avatar´s eyes again. But there had not been much time for his feelings. Decisions had been to be made quickly. He had returned to the base, accompanied by troops of warriors, to supervise the humans´ departure. Neytiri had stayed with her mother to help organizing the camp and the search parties.

There was still enough to do. Taking care of the injured and death, watching out for people they still missed. Getting rid of the chaos the intruders had left. He mused that it would take weeks and months to erase all their traces. And regarding the loss of the hometree, they would never be able to readjust things.

But finally, after the last unwanted visitors had left Pandora, Jake felt that people around him tried to focus. There was rage and grief and despair. Still, the tribe would handle it. Those who had survived struggled hard – but they were determined to return so some kind of basic rhythm. As he realized, to a rhythm he had already gotten used to. A rhythm he was longing for.

Sometimes, it irritated him. The way he felt home out there in the jungle. The way he felt home in that body. The way he felt home with her.

Neytiri seemed to be everywhere, helping, caring, organizing. Still, later that night, she managed to steal some quiet hours for the two of them.

She had brought some paste to take care of a deep cut right across his palm. "´s alright", he told her, reaching out for the bin she was holding. "I´ll manage. Get some rest."

He grabbed the bin, but she didn´t let go. "Sit", she ordered him. He cocked his head, too tired to get his way. So he sat down. She followed and took his injured hand in hers, examining the cut for a moment. Contented with the fact that the wound had already been cleaned, she carefully spread the paste over the wound. "I didn´t pay attention", he whispered. Instead of the normal mild mockery she would show, she only leant forward to kiss him softly. „You´re tired", she said. "As we all are."

"How long is it since you´ve been injured ?" she asked then and something in her tone told him that she wasn´t talking about the fresh cut across his palm. "Some years", he answered vaguely. "In a battle ?" she inquired. "In a battle", he confirmed.

She finished the treatment and looked into his eyes. "Couldn´t your people heal you ?"

"They could have", he answered hesitantly. "But I couldn´t afford it." He noticed the tip of her tail wandering over his skin, an incidental search for contact. "I don't understand", she said, frowning. "I couldn´t pay for it." He frowned, having no idea how to explain things to someone who had no idea of a currency and stuff. "I am bad at explaining that stuff", he added. "That means you didn´t possess what you would have to give them to heal you ?" she asked. He nodded. "Grace explained things once to me, about trading on your planet", she said.

The memory of Quaritch returned to Jake´s mind, the memory of the day the Colonel had offered that deal to him.

He caught her free hand with his injured one. "I am sorry, Neytiri, I am so sorry." She looked at up to him. "You led us to victory", she replied lowly. "All this should never had happened", he said. "There should have been no need for a fight."

She remained silent for a while, watching him. Studying the pattern of dark blue lines on his skin, the lines of his brows and jaw. "You can´t change the past", she told him finally. "We wouldn´t have been able to win without you. Trust Eywa."

"I wish I could", he answered.

She put away the bin and stretched out on the moss besides him, padding the cushy spot besides her with her hand. "I asked Grace for what you call ´god´," she said. He looked up again, surprised. "You mentioned him yesterday", she reminded him. "After the battle."

"Grace told me that it is just another name for Eywa and that she thinks you meant to thank her", she continued, finding herself a comfortable position to rest in. "You trusted her once, so you can do it again", she added.

He needed a second to follow that explanation, stunned by Grace´s quick wittedness and sensitivity.

He finally followed her request to lay down, only to pull her into his arms. The urge to have her close was overpowering everything else. She moved only lazily in his embrace. With a hidden smile, he wondered how he had ever been able to actually learn anything with her right next to him. It had been hard sometimes to listen – not to talk about focusing on anything else than that goddess in blue at his side.

He would have liked to make love to her that night, to forget for at least a short while the world around them. But they were probably both just too tired for that. Still, one of the advantages of being a Na´vi was that things didn´t stay unsaid only because nobody ever found the right terms or the courage to put them into words. In fact, there was hardly a way to hide something from her. It caused a sharp sting of pain inside of him that he had managed to hide things from her not too long ago anyway. But it abated. There were no secrets left.

"I didn´t mean to betray you", he whispered. "I didn´t know what things meant to you. There …" "Oh Jake!" she exclaimed, forcing him into another kiss. "I know all that", she told him afterwards. "You couldn´t see when they sent you here." Her fingertips traced softly the line of his jaw. "But you learned", she added softly.

She noticed with a smile that his embrace tightened, forcing her gently closer. Her smile widened at the memory of that clumsy child in an adults body she had saved months ago in the middle of the night.

"Will you leave tonight ?" she asked lowly, referring to a possible disconnect. "Not before dawn", he answered distractedly, placing another kiss. He had told the others not to disconnect him until the next day´s morning. Max had only grinned and nodded.

Contented, she closed her eyes, glad that she would have him with her for the night. Right now, he was obviously up to take the lead again. She decided to allow him so.

There had actually been things she hadn´t needed to teach him.


	3. Chapter 3

_I am still quite unsure about a possible plot development. For the moment, I´d like to go on with some further glimpses at the crew and how they are reorganizing their life - I think there´s plenty to do right now and I hope you all don´t mind :-)_

_PLEASE review!  
_

* * *

Jake had just fallen asleep when Trudy´s screaming woke him. He and Neytiri used to sleep close to where she rested, and he had been right next to her within instants, only to find that one of the Na´vi woman had already taken care of her. He recognized her – she was the talented huntress Neytiri had once told him about as a possible mate. She had been with fighting Quaritch´s ground forces and had been lucky to get away with minor injuries only. Right now, she had gotten to her feet and to Trudy´s side to assist the injured human woman.

Jake nodded thanks to her and realized gratefully that there was only sympathy in her eyes. He wanted to touch Trudy´s face, but couldn´t as of the mask she needed to breath. "You´re in pain ?" he asked. He had to repeat the question twice before she managed a whispered no. "Just dreamed…don´t leave me alone", she begged, her voice almost unrecognizably hoarse.

He recognized that expression in her eyes. The drugs might dull the physical pain, but not the anguish of mind. Besides all the differences between their races, Na´vi and humans suffered the same way from that. He had seen this expression in too many eyes during the last days. "We don´t leave you", he told her, trying to soothe her. "You´re safe." Her comparably small fingers dug deeply into his skin. The shock gave her a surprising strength. Tears filled her eyes and made the glass of her mask steam up for a moment. "You´re safe", he repeated.

The Na´vi woman returned to them, a bowl in her hand, gesturing to Jake to help Trudy to sit up and drink. Jake frowned. Things were already hard enough for Trudy and drinking meant that they would have to remove her mask. They had been through that procedure of getting the mask on and off to drink and eat many times by now, but gulping down whatever was handed to her within seconds while holding her breath was still no fun.

"Ready ?" he asked. She nodded and they got through it quickly. He recognized the liquid by its smell. The Na´vi used it to sedate. Trudy grabbed his fingers the moment he moved to tighten the mask´s straps again. "I wanna wipe my face", she told him. "Alright." He gave her a moment to get another deep breath, then removed the mask again. She rubbed her cheeks for a moment, then nodded weakly. "Fine", he whispered. "There we go."

Trudy sank back against him. The woman looked contented and moved to get up, but Trudy managed to touch her forearm. "Thank you", she said. "_Irayo_", Jake translated out of an impulse.

The huntress looked at Jake. "I understand her", she told him in Na´vi. Jake sent a silent thanks to Grace for her teaching. "She will sleep now", the woman added. He knew, but decided to wait until she had finally fallen asleep. "How are you ?" he asked the Na´vi sister. She gave him only a short nod and averted her eyes for a moment, meaning she would manage. Trudy relaxed slowly in his arms. "Go", she encouraged him. "I will take care of her." "Jake", Trudy mumbled, halfway to sleep. "What ?" She touched his hand. "Do me a favour and don´t tell the guys I cried", she whispered. He closed his eyes for a second and shook his head softly behind her back. "I won´t", he promised. She let her hand drop. "Good", she whispered.

Neytiri had watched from their sleeping-place and reached out for him the moment he returned to her. "She reminds me of you", she told him. "Regarding what ?" he asked. "A strong heart", she answered softly. "Though I don´t understand why she wants you to lie to your people." He stretched out besides her and threw her a surprised look. "She denies her fear", Neytiri stated. "She just tries to be brave, that´s all", he answered. The confused expression on her face told him clearly that she did again not understand the human´s ways. "Look, many people on my planet think that only weak people cry", he told her. Then he chuckled. "Actually, a lot of people think that´s for girls only. She´s ashamed of waking people by her screaming and she´s got a hart time sorting out her mind, I think." She raised her eyebrows for a moment, then rolled her eyes. "Let me guess", she said," a lot of _men_ think that way. But she´s a warrior like you", she mused. "So she has already proven her bravery, no ?"

He considered that for a moment. As their cultures were so different, there was so much to explain and he felt that he really sucked at explanations. "There are no rites for it as you have", he told her. "And I think if she hasn´t done so before, she just proved her bravery some days ago."

"Did you leave a mate in your world ?" she asked suddenly. That particular question startled him. "No", he answered honestly. "It was one of the reasons to come here", he said after another moment. "I have no family left there." She made a soft sound that expressed her amazement and sympathy. "What happened to them ?" Jake realized that she understood her whole tribe as her family. "We don´t live in bigger communities like you do", he told her. "My parents died because of their age. My brother got shot. So that´s it." He turned to his back and took her with him. He had told her that in a casual way, but she felt that he didn´t take it as easy as he pretended to do.

"You could have chosen Trudy as a mate", she mused. That suggestion made him grin. "No. I wouldn´t." "Why not ?" Neytiri asked. "Trudy is a friend, Neytiri. A comrade. More like a sister." The last words came as an realization that surprised himself. He followed the line of her jaw with his fingers and followed it up to her ear. "Besides, I don´t think she would have chosen me." She nestled down against him, listening to the sound of his heart for a moment. "And I met her just some months ago here on Pandora", he told her. "And as it happens, it must have been around that time that you picked the moron in question for yourself", he added. She commented his words with a low disregarding snarl that changed finally in something like a purr.

"Be honest", he demanded lowly. "Back then, you thought I had no pride or dignity at all." "A child has still to learn about these things", she answered reluctantly. "Yeah, that´s what a teacher is expected to say", he commented drily. He forced her softly to look him in the eyes. "Be honest with me", he insisted.

"Well, none of our men would ever have volunteered to join your people to learn", she stated,"as none of them thought there would be anything worth learning. Yes, I thought you don´t know pride. But you just overrode it to learn. Though I didn´t understand why."

He grinned, that mischievous grin she had once fallen in love with. "For the challenge", he told her. They looked at each other, silent for a moment and his tone became more serious. "And sometimes you just got to get over it to adapt yourself to circumstances." She realized that he wasn´t only talking about the circumstances he had found on Pandora, but about the circumstances he had found himself in after his injury as well. "Whatever they offered you in the first place, you were willing to learn", she concluded. "And you didn´t let your pride got into your way. The Na´vi say too much of it will make you stumble." "Pride will have a fall", he murmured. "It´s a saying on Earth, too. Though people like to ignore it. But lose it completely and you lose every dignity with it." He fell silent for a minute. These RAD people had offered him a new life, but it had clearly been a teaser back then. Ironically, he had gotten both. "Still, you learned", she told him. "And you were persistent." He chuckled. "Well, you were an adamant teacher", he returned the compliment.

* * *

Norm sank down to a nearby chair. "I am starving and dead tired", he said, speaking out what the others thought.

"It´s over", Grace stated slowly. "For now." Her words sounded as if she had to say them aloud to realize that it was true.

"We made it", Norm said. "I can´t believe we really made it."

Gavin, an ex soldier like Jake, who had worked as a military technician for Quaritch, rubbed his face. "Why do I still not feel like partying then ?" he asked. The words matched the small groups´ feelings perfectly.

"Just in case that I fall asleep right here at the table – wake me", Max said. "Well, who would been able to find any sleep knowing them still around ?" Grace asked. Max threw an irritated look at the gun of half his own height Augustine wore around. She was still linked with her avatar and so far, they had no idea when or if they would ever be able to relink her mind to her human body. Still, knowing that she, though probably hot headed and stubborn, was a pacifist through and through and watching her keeping a gun at hand showed clearly how uncomfortable they all had felt around the rest of Quaritch´s people.

"Aren´t you not going to put away that…thing ?" he asked, looking up to the right now much taller woman. One of the other scientists, Denise Parker, a doctor who had worked with Grace on the avatar program from day one, had suggested to put her human body in an artificial coma to try and heal her. She was quite sure that Grace´s body would recover – though she didn´t know if they would be able to retransfer her mind into it. She knew nothing about what the Na´vi had done to save at least her soul. It would take some time – and help - to figure things out.

"I´ll put that thing away the day we´re sure there are no unwelcome visitors left out there", she told him.

"I worked out that the food supply left here will take for about 12 to 16 months at least in general, but meat supply will only do for some months", Max stated suddenly, suppressing another yawn. It only earned him wry looks from the others around the table.

"Means if hunting isn´t allowed for the Na´vi, we´ll have to consider vegetarianism", he concluded. "´s that your only problem right now ?" Norm asked in disbelief. While Grace was imprisoned in her avatar´s body for the moment, his own had suffered severe wounds. They had managed to bring the avatar back to the base and kept him right now in artificial coma, too. Still, he human scientist had a gun with him right now, too. Times were not safe for pacifists right now. And for once, he would definitely have felt better in his avatar´s body.

"I thought we would discuss today what we´re going to do with the base and all the stuff. 72 hours ago, people tried to blow your head off and you´re worrying about meat ?" he asked.

"Hunting isn't forbidden." They turned ´round, noticing Jake standing behind them.

"Ha!" Norm exclaimed. "Why didn´t we ask our _insider_ at first?" he mocked tiredly. Though the scientist and the former marine got better along than ever, Norm would probably never get over the fact that Jake had achieved so much without any preparation while he, who had studied the Na´vi and the whole avatar program for years, hadn´t.

Jake rolled piercing yellow eyes and splayed out his ears. The site made Grace laugh. Even in a Na´vi´s body, the guy would always look like a frustrated boy to her. "Talking about food supply", she said, putting her hands on her hips, "you haven´t already forgotten about that half dead piece of meat over there that unfortunately keeps your mind alive, haven´t you, Jake ? You should at least feed the guy from time to time, you know."

"I haven´t", he answered lowly. "I just have to…"

"You have to eat, Sully, and get something to drink and a shower and some exercise!" Grace interrupted him. "You´re right", he admitted, looking guilty. "Still, I…" "If you don´t get out of that thing for at least an hour or two, you will soon not even be able to get out of it alone", she told him. "And you _know_ that!"

Neytiri approached them, her body language telling clearly how uncomfortable she felt, even inside the huts that had been built for the avatars. They had already started to move some of the equipment they needed to the lab area adequate for the Na´vi, but things were still more the rough-and-ready type of. Neytiri glanced around shyly for a second, then nodded gracefully to the others. Jake cursed Grace silently for telling him off right now.

"We should find a place where we can meet without the Na´vi feeling that uncomfortable", he stated. "Stop changing topics, Jake!" Grace interrupted again. "You´ll get your sweet blue ass down here right now and make the original Jake Sully eat something or I´ll gonna push that helpful red button over there." She sighed and clicked her tongue impatiently. "God, I need a cigarette!" she exclaimed.

Max, sitting on the chair right next to Jake, lent back a little, pretending to whisper to Jake. "I think she means it, man", he mused. "And she´s got a gun." Jake bent a little bit forward again to pretend to whisper back. For once, the marine had definitely an advantage. "You think she can tell what´s barrel and what´s grip ?" he teased. "´Cause normally, he leaves that kind of business to trigger happy ex soldiers." Grace ignored his words, but relaxed a little, looking less stern immediately. "Now, Jake!" she insisted. "As you´re just visiting!"

"Actually, we´re here for the meeting", he contradicted, though hesitantly.

Norm got up. "I´ll just get my laptop. Back in five." "Yeah, and we will get us all a bite to eat", Denise suggested, gesturing towards Gavin to assist her. Happy for having an excuse, they left the room. Nobody was in the right mood for even a small quarrel right now.

"I don´t see why you can´t _meet_ us in your own body", Grace answered to Jake.

Jake sighed again.

***

Neytiri looked around, still feeling like caged by the walls around.

"Is it dangerous for him to return ?" she asked.

Grace shook her head. "No. Not as long as there´s somebody to control things. Though you can never know with stubborn marines!" she added. They had left Jake´s avatar at the hut the avatar´s used to be brought in to sleep.

"Now he gets disconnected from the avatar´s body", she explained. "Like you would disconnect from an Ikran." Grace frowned for a second while the interface pod slide slowly back into stand-by mode.

"See, I appreciate Jake´s efforts and attitude", Grace told the Omaticaya woman. "But he might overdo. Switching from one body to another is a great thing to do and immensely helpful regarding the fact that we can´t breath Pandora´s air. Still, both his bodies need to rest – and so does his mind."

Neytiri watched in silence while the scientist opened the pod.

"I think we all need to rest", she only answered.

Grace sighed. "Oh yes, we do." She looked down to Jake who tried to focus. "How do you feel, soldier ?" she asked. He grimaced, then grinned. He still didn´t like the thought of Neytiri watching him moving around his real body. Though he had gotten used to people´s reaction to his handicap, it didn´t make him feel better anyway.

He moved slowly into the wheelchair. He would never get used to that particular difference – with the only minutes old memories of moving around freely on his own feet back to this physical state. Neytiri had moved to help besides Grace, but the scientist had stopped her, unremarkably for Jake who looked still a little dizzy. Grace had once tried to help him and knew that he insisted on moving around on his own as long as it was anyway possible.

"How´s Trudy today ?" Grace asked, closing down the monitoring system. "The fever´s gone and her wounds and bones will heal, but we found it hard to put her mind at rest", Neytiri told the human woman. "Denise should give you something to sedate her", Grace suggested spontaneously. The next second, she regretted her words. The Omaticaya had their own medicine and knew about the medicinal benefit of several plants. She turned to Neytiri. "I am sorry", she apologized. "I don´t doubt the medicine you use."

Neytiri waved one hand graciously. "We found it hard to figure out the right dose for her body as we were not sure how her body would react to it anyway", she admitted. "And we didn´t dare to use any other medicine than the ones you had already tested for humans once." Grace nodded. Some of the plants and fruits helpful for the Na´vi might be poisonous for any human.

"She´s fuckin´ angry that she couldn´t _kick_ Quaritch´s people from the surface back into space", Jake told her. Neytiri raised her eyebrows at this figurative description. They had visited Trudy right before they had left the Na´vi camp. She had broken a leg in the helicopter´s crash and they hadn´t been able to bring her back to the base during the exit of RAD´s people. She looked better every day, but Jake could tell that she was badly traumatized and he knew that slow recovery could be a hard test for patience.

They set off to their airy conference room outside the lab again. There was plenty to discuss. What to do with possible survivors, what to do with the dead. What to do with the base and the mining equipment and everything. How to organize their new life.


	4. Chapter 4

Jake frowned. And proudly succeeded avoiding a grin.

"Not a word !" Trudy challenged, forced to look up to him. "I didn´t say anything", he answered defiantly, eying up the stuff she was wrapped in. She had spent three days alone on explaining to the Na´vi woman looking after her that she was not willing to relinquish clothing as soon as she had felt good enough to tackle that. The woman had finally given up and, as there hadn´t been any clothes available out here, had tried her best to braid something halfway adequate, though from Trudy´s point of view, it had surely not been enough.

As she had broken her leg in the helicopter´s crash, there had been no way to transport her back to the base. She remembered only bits of their way to the Na´vi´s camp – bits too painful to even consider to be transported like that over miles through the jungle. And the broken leg didn´t allow a ride on anything, even if one of Na´vi would have been able to persuade his direhorse or banshee to carry her in addition to the creature bonded to him.

However, recovery had taken its time, testing her patience. At least, on their ways forth and back to the base, the boys had finally supplied her with some proper clothing. But what had been a relief at first had soon changed into the realization that the atmospheric humidity and heat around made her sweat like hell. And as there had simply been more important things to do than transporting her dirty clothes back and forth, she had simply given up on wearing them.

"Yeah, and you better keep it that way!" she threatened Jake, referring to the unavoidable smut comments to come. She grimaced for a second while Neytiri checked on her healing injuries.

This time, Jake laughed, looking down to her and crossing his arms in front of him. "Or what ?" "Don´t think I couldn´t kick your ass just ´cause you´re sticking in that oversized blue body, boy", she shot back. "As soon as that damn leg has healed", she added with a frustrated sigh. "I am tired of lazing round out here and let you people have all the fun alone."

Jake got down to one knee next to her, eyeing up the healing laceration on her forehead. "They say you´re healing quickly", he told her. "Not quickly enough for _my _taste", she answered with a weak grin. He chuckled. "There´s no reason to hurry", he told her. "Norm and Max are just a pain in the ass and no real organization talents and they´re driving Grace mad and though the avatar shouldn´t be affected by that, she´s off her cigarettes – makes her even more bad tempered than usual." Trudy couldn´t other than laugh. "This one will leave a scar", he mused, gesturing towards her temple.

This time, she gave him a smile instead of her usual grin. She glanced over his avatar´s coloured skin. "Well, I might not be able to take on you, but I´ll be proud of every single one", she commented.

Neytiri finished her examination, looking contented. "You´re doing well", she told her. "How do you feel ?" Trudy smiled to her. ""Alright. Bored and impatient and useless, but alright." She gestured towards the carefully sealed bin besides her bed. "Whatever it is, that´s great stuff", she said, referring to the dark liquid the bin contained. "Have a mouthful", she suggested to Jake.

He grinned. "No, thanks." He tapped the side of his nose with one fingertip. "No way to fool a Na´vi´s nose, honey. Besides, I already tried a while ago." The mixture killed, depending from the dose, every pain – but it smelled and tasted dreadfully.

"Something I could get you from the base ?" he asked, like he did every time.

Trudy shook her head. "No. Just tell the guys to come and visit before I forget what they look like. I need Norm to explain me some stuff, besides." As there was nothing else to do and as they would stay, she had started soon to try and learn to speak Na´vi – making quite a progress, as Jake had noticed with a sting of jealousy. "Just tell them I got everything I need here!" she said with a wry look towards the bin and fruits next to the bed.

"She´s getting better", he told Neytiri after they had left.

"I see", Neytiri answered, a smile around the corners of her mouth. "She´s as impatient as all warriors I know to recover. As the others are concerned regarding their food supply, I think we should teach Trudy to hunt for them. She will recover soon. And she will learn." He threw her a surprised look. "Don't you think ?" she asked, noticing it. "I do think so", he answered after a moment of considering. Trudy would somehow manage. Still, the matter of course way Neytiri accepted her and the others with stunned him time after time. "I just wish my people would have been able to accept your kind the way you do with ours." It made him still feel guilty.

"Don´t be silly", she told him. It caused him to smile. The original version of that mild rebuke used to be an angry whack to the head at best. She had somewhere along the road stopped doing that, thank God – Eywa ? - for that. The only one he still expected to do something like that was possibly Grace.

"But there´s no avatar for Trudy", he mused. "Is there a possibility to… create one for her ?" Neytiri asked. Jake frowned. "I have no idea. I don´t know much about how they were created in the first place." He wrinkled his nose. His brother would have known these things. An avatar was created from Na´vi and human DNA, normally the human DNA of the person who was going to operate it. Something about same nervous system and stuff. And the process took some time and was quite expensive. On the other hand, there were two avatars left. One of the operators had chosen to return to earth, the other one had been killed in the battle. He had no idea if it was somehow possible for a person with different DNA to get connected to somebody else´s avatar. Trudy´s human body would probably have to be enough.

"We´ll find a solution", Neytiri told him, catching up with his thoughts. He nodded. She was determined. She would find a way.

* * *

"Bastard", Norm muttered while getting back to his feet. Jake, following him while balancing along a mossy branch, had just stumbled accidentally right into him – the impact had made Norm fall and land right into the pool beyond them. Water leaked from his clothes while he waded out of it.

"Can´t hear you", Jake pretended while getting down to him. "You´re alright ?" he asked with a grin. Norm only stared at him, disbelief on his features. "Get off your boots", Jake suggested. "I told you, you´ll have a much better feeling for what you´re walking on. Will make your step safer." "You pushed me!" Norm accused him angrily. Jake´s grin only widened. He had pushed him – he had to admit it. He hadn´t thought of that way to draw Norm out specifically – it had just occurred to him the moment he had watched Norm trying to keep his balance on a branch broad enough to sit on it. It had reminded him of himself on his first trip out here.

"I could have broken something!" Norm shouted. Jake raised his eyebrows. Norm´s avatar hadn´t landed quite elegantly, but considering the distance down to the pool´s surface and the depth of the water, there hadn´t been a real choice to get hurt seriously. "You couldn´t", Jake told him. "Not within that body." He turned his back to the friend. "You should have watched your step", he added off-handedly. He could tell without looking that the words drove the guy furious.

Norm´s fear, rage and frustration had gotten worse for during the last few weeks. Fighting the RDA people had been his first battle ever, and it had been a cruel one. So far, the guy hadn´t found a way to deal with things. Or to blow off steam. He had gotten irritatingly bad tempered and unfocused lately and Grace´s tries to talk to him hadn´t helped.

"You´re gonna stand there for the rest of the day and look like an idiot ?" Jake inquired, turning to look at Norm again. Norm was usually much too polite to say something like that, but the expression on his face told Jake clearly that he felt that Jake as the one in the wheelchair would better shut up about stuff like that. Good. Should he freak out about it.

"You know, I am not sure if you of all people should tell me about watching my step", he said. Jake averted his eyes for a moment. Norm´s way to call him an asshole. "Fine!" Jake challenged. "If you think I shouldn´t be the one to give you advise, tell me, with all your master degrees, shouldn´t you as a scientist be clever enough to see that you´re damaging what you´re stepping on with your boots while preaching to others to take care for the nature around them ? Weird concept, man. Those feet don´t need shoes to avoid injuries."

Neytiri, only some steps away on a branch of a tree located at the other side of the pool, changed a confused look with Grace besides her. "What is this about ?" she asked. "Why did he push him ?" Grace frowned. She wasn´t sure if this was the right way to handle Norm´s mind. On the other hand, she had made the experience over the last few months that letting Jake handle things the way his guts told him to worked sometimes. Actually, it had worked surprisingly well so far.

Jake felt Norm´s temper rise, but he hadn´t reached boiling point so far. It would take some more to let him forget his manners. So he shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever. You´ll be safer at your lab anyway." "What the hell are you telling me ?" Norm asked. Jake cheered inwardly. Another shot or two would do the trick.

"I am telling you that you should get your ass back to your lab and stay there! You have no idea what that body is able to anyway." He turned again to walk over to the shore. "Who the hell do you think you are, Sully ?" Norm shouted.

_I am the guy you´re going to thump, man._

"Geek", Jake murmured snidely.

Neytiri shook her head at the noise they made though the place was near to their camp and safe. "I think Jake tries to grant Norm some relief", Grace mused.

"Asshole!" Norm yelled.

Jake, though prepared for an attack to some point, regretted immediately to have turned his back to Norm the second the guy grabbed him by his queue. "Turn around, dickhead!" Jake turned, pushing Norm backwards. Norm´s supply of cuss words surprised him. "What now ?" he challenged. "You´re gonna beat me ?" Aggression might not be planted within Norm´s character originally, but Jake knew that the avatar´s body would instinctively react to an attack.

Norm didn't answer, but lunged out at him. Jake ducked, only to laugh at him. "Try again!" he barked. „Fuckin´ jerk !" Norm barked, having another try.

It wasn´t a big deal for Jake to manage and avoid being hit. Still, he made things look close. Should Norm run riot. A hard push against the scientist´s shoulder made him stumble again. Jake pulled away his feet in a short move and he landed backwards in the water again. Norm shot back to his feet, and to Jake´s surprise, snarled at him. Things went better than expected.

The two women watched them brawl silently. It was obvious that Norm wouldn't have a chance as soon as Jake would start to fight back seriously – but he tried hard, infuriated. Jake kept him occupied for a while. Then he misdirected a blow. Norm went down as a consequence.

"Oh dear!" Grace brought one hand to her lips in a mix of indignation and amusement.

Jake leaped forward to make sure that Norm hadn´t fallen unconscious while still in the water. As Norm flinched at his move and was obviously alright, he stopped in his tracks, raising his hands in a soothing gesture. He granted the man on the ground some seconds to pull himself together. Then he held out a hand to him. Blood run from Norm´s burst lip when he looked up. "You´re alright ?" Jake asked, still offering the friend his hand to help him up. Norm touched his lip carefully before he took the other one´s hand. "You punched me right in the face", he complained.

Jake laughed. „Yeah. Wasn´t the plan though." Norm, looking quite ashamed the moment he caught up with things, glanced down at himself. His clothes were by now not even soaked by water, but also by blood. "How am I gonna explain that ?" he asked, tugging at his clothes.

Jake only raised his eyebrows. He knew from his own experience that most of the Na´vi thought of them as clumsy creatures anyway. _"Children fall from time to time",_ Neytiri would say. "Get them off", he suggested. "And think of something for that", he added with a grin, pointing to Norm´s face. "No way", Norm muttered. Jake shrugged. "You should have a try. Even Trudy has given up wearing her overalls." He padded Norm´s shoulder. "Let´s go."

"You´re telling me Trudy is…. you´re sure I should take them off ?" Norm asked. Jake rolled his eyes. "Keep on your boxers if you like", he answered. They had reached the shore and Jake gestured to Norm to take the lead. Norm denied with a defending gesture. "Toruk Makto should go first", he said in Na´vi. Jake threw him a wry look. "March!" he ordered the friend.

"You know, last time I turned my back on you, you pushed me from a tree", Norm snapped. "You could have asked me how I feel without picking a fight, you know ?" "Last time I turned my back on you, man, you attacked me from behind", Jake teased him. To his surprise, the words made Norm blush – Jake realized that he had seen that effect rarely on a Na´vi face. "Whatever", he said. "One of the girls can take care of you at the camp." To his amusement, that suggestion made the friend only look more miserable.

"You think that worked ?" Neytiri asked curiously. Grace shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. We´ll see. It may probably have helped Norm to get rid of some of his rage." Neytiri considered that for a moment. Norm was not like Jake who sometimes just needed to run or get for a fast ride to tire out his body at least when he had trouble to sort out his mind. She couldn´t tell. Besides that, though Jake had adopted their way to move, he didn´t move much like a Na´vi when fighting man against man. She had seen him do that the first time when he had fought back the night Tsu´tey had attacked him. Afterwards, he had sometimes done some workout with Ma´kut, one of the warriors he had made friends with. Watching him use a human fighting technique effectively in a Na´vi body had impressed many of the others – and though she felt a little ashamed to admit it, it had made her feel proud of him once again.

"Sometimes they are still like children", she told Grace while they turned to leave. "Sometimes ?" Grace asked.

"Jake, wait a sec." Jake turned to see what was wrong now – only to watch Norm who had already sat down, nestling at his bootlaces. "Just wanna get rid of my boots", Norm told him. Jake let his ears twitch helplessly. He had just made up these accusations out of the blue. He eyes the friend up for a moment. He himself had cleaned away the mud from his skin while they had gotten out of the water. Norm looked like a mess with all the mud and blood on him. He grinned. Well, he happened to know that there was actually a girl that would volunteer happily to help him wash and get his hair braided properly. That would probably be even more helpful than brawling around in the mud.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day, the Na´vi gathered for another rite of mourning and consolation. Jake had been told that it would be the last one. For him, it was still just overwhelming how powerful this community was and how strong they got by sharing their emotions and power like that. Normal gatherings, as they happened regularly every two or three weeks, had the same purpose, but they never had been this intense. The short but bloody war had changed that for now.

Afterwards, he felt tired and strained somehow, but still in a better mood. Almost hopeful. But one glance at the woman at his side told him clearly that she didn't.

She joined the others to eat something, but fled their company soon. The purpose of the rite had been consolidation, but as she was to follow her mother as the spiritual leader of her people one day, she looked deeper, felt not only solace, but also the deep shock her people had suffered. Combined with her own memories from the battles, it was something that got to her badly.

Jake knew from his own history that the first experience of that kind would always be the worst. Though the wakening after his last mission on earth had probably been the worst ever for him, he had gotten over the fighting faster than before – knowing that he would have to deal with it sooner or later anyway. There was no use to try and ignore the horror. Time wouldn´t heal wounds by itself, nor was peace of mind granted freely. And though he had disliked the idea first, he had finally accepted that it didn´t make a tough guy to ignore his own mind, but to face his demons.

So he followed her slowly and in some distance, sure that she was aware of him nearby. Fortunately, Neytiri instinctively knew that there had to be grief. And that it was necessary to handle it before things could get better again. Still, he wanted to be close without pressing her. Every individual reacted differently to these things.

Watching her moving light footed through the branches made him realize again how fascinating she was to him. She combined many things he had always thought of as contrary. For example unflappable patience (though never with him) and then again a just disarming spontaneous passion. Her strong sense for responsibility and the hilarity she would show during a too risky flight. Adding a stunning forthrightness and honesty, her quick-wittedness and trust in her instincts as well as the sensitivity she caught others´ feelings in with, the natural grace she moved with… The thoughts whirling through his head made him suddenly grin. She really got him. He had never been that desperately in love before.

Finally, she found herself a place to sit, her long legs dangling in the air on a dizzying level above the ground. He sat down behind her to catch her in a lose embrace. She leant back against him, her fingers closing around his forearms. He had never been good with words and felt that he sucked with consolation, and so he was grateful that this was not a time for words anyway.

She wouldn´t cry and grief the intense way she had mourned her father´s body with. Soothed by the commonly shared rite, her tears would flow silently, and possibly for the last time for the same reasons tonight. Still, she had to get rid of that pain and he was thankful that, in contrast to too many of his own kind, she applied herself to that task as intently as to any other she was given.

Later that night she asked him to give her some space, as she wanted to spend some time alone at the tree of souls. Out of impulse, he asked her to let him accompany her there, to make sure that she wouldn´t have to fear anything or anyone disturbing her dialogue with Eywa. To his surprise, instead of treating him with the contempt a skxawng offering to protect her deserved, she agreed.

* * *

Some days later, Neytiri watched Jake thoughtfully. Something kept his mind busy – and had been for days. Right now, he observed the camp from a place where he could overlook it completely, but she felt that he didn´t really notice things around him. The bow he had been trying to fix rested forgotten in his hand.

"Jake", she addressed him. He turned to her, smiling. "Hey", he answered softly while she sat down besides him. He touched her cheek. "What is on your mind ?" she asked him. His smile vanished. "I need your advise", he answered honestly.

They found themselves a little more private place not far from the camp. She watched him pace around restlessly. "So what is it ?" she asked.

He turned to her. "Neytiri, who is following Tsu´tey ?" he inquired. She looked up to him. "Why are you asking me this?" she asked back. "Tell me", he insisted. "You are Toruk Makto, Jake. You are to follow Tsu´tey."

He grinned, but looked miserable at the same time. "I feared you would say that." She watched him, unable to evaluate his mood. She watched him starting to pace along the branch again.

"And who would have followed Tsu´tey if Toruk Makto wouldn´t have appeared ?" he asked. "In case of an accident or something ? Another man of Tsu´tey´s family ?" „We choose the most talented warrior to lead us", she answered. "The Tsahik is usually chosen from the same family again and again, as it is passed on in the family how to read the signs and to celebrate the rites. But the warrior leading the clan may come from any family." That came as a relief for Jake. "So how is he chosen ? Are their rites for this ?" he asked. She nodded. "Yes. Though not only rites. The older ones watch the young men during their adolescence. They watch the signs. It´s complex."

"So who would they choose now?" he asked again.

He turned to her when she didn´t answer. She stared at him, looking shocked. He reached out to touch her. "What is it ?" he asked, concerned.

"You´re not leaving, are you ?" she asked, looking taken aback.

„Neytiri." He pulled her close to embrace her. "I am not leaving", he told her. Never ever, if things went according to his wishes. "I am not leaving", he assured, placing a kiss on her temple. Besides the fact that he didn´t plan on ever leaving her behind, where the hell should he go ?

She looked up to him after a second. "So why would you choose not to lead the people ?" she asked.

He returned her look, the expression on his face quite serious, his hands still resting on her upper arms. He needed to touch her the same way she needed to be close to him. "What´s this tree called we stand on ?" he asked, changing topic abruptly. She frowned. "Yuma´taey", she told him, looking confused. "And that one ?" he asked, throwing a short glance at another, different looking one. "Eskat´taey'", she answered, shaking her head as a sign of her not understanding.

"See ?" he said. "I have no idea. I need somebody to translate for me half the time. I know not enough about the animals and plants out there. I know not enough about the ancestors."

„Eywa has chosen you for this, Jake", she contradicted, confusion and light anger ringing through her voice.

Jake was still wondering sometimes if Eywa had really chosen him for this or if it had just been a quite unreasonable decision he had made out of despair and guilt to try and ride a Toruk. But this was not the right time to discuss that special point. It would be senseless to discuss with Neytiri of all people, either.

„Eywa chose me to become Toruk Makto, Neytiri, to unite the clans again. To fight the sky people. But possibly not to lead the people."

He tried in vain to read in her features. "Is that what you feel ?" she asked finally. To his relief, she didn´t sound too angry. He considered the question for a moment. "That´s what I feel", he confirmed then. Since he had come to Pandora, it had been surprisingly easy to take the right decisions, though he had also taken a fatally wrong one first. Still, he felt that things had rarely been clearer, less complicated in his life. It had felt right to take the risk and try to ride the Toruk. It had felt right to unite the clans to fight the RDA. It had been easy to choose the right side in this war. It didn´t felt right to lead the people. Honestly, he still felt like a child among them, sometimes. And there were so many risks. What if the technics failed ? What if they would need their leader the moment he was not there ?

Neytiri, aware of him close to her, his scent, his warmth, wondered if there had been signs she hadn´t noticed. If she had simply missed them because of the grief and sorrow which had filled the last weeks. She trusted Jake with her life and her soul, and though there was probably still much to learn for him, she didn´t doubt her beliefs. But would the others decide the same way ?

"We should talk to the Tsahik", she told him simply. He noticed with relief that she didn´t seem angry or disappointed, but thoughtful. "No signs you know of ?" he asked her. She shook her head. "I don´t know, Jake. Maybe I missed them. I don´t know."

* * *

„What the hell….?" Grace, still caught in her avatar´s body, glanced at the blinking computer panels in front of her. "It´s Jake", Max told her. "Jez, look at the values", he murmured. "We have to get him out of that thing", Grace said. "The link is still stable", Max told her. "Values getting slowly better again." "The cardiovascular levels", Grace muttered. "I told him. I told him this would happen!Goddamn fool!" "Shall I disconnect him ?" Max asked. Grace shook his head. "No. We don´t know what he´s doing right now. The fool could be on the back of an Ikran right now. Still, this is serious." She established a connection to Gavin. "Get me Jake to some radio set!" she ordered harshly. "Now!"

"Jake´s out for a ride." Trudy´s voice sounded tinny. The connection was bad. "I got Neytiri here, though. What´s the emergengy ?" "Neytiri ?" Grace asked. "I hear you, Grace." Neytiri´s voice sounded strange as well. "Neytiri, this is important. Jake has been connected to long to the avatar. His human body is exhausted. He needs to rest. When do you expect him back ?" There was a small pause and some voices in the background. "They don´t know for sure here", Trudy told her. Then Neytiri was back. "He´s out with some of the young hunters. Shall we send somebody to ask him back ?" Grace sighed. "Neytiri, I need you to assist me with this", she said.

* * *

Back from the hunt, Jake felt drained. That happened rarely when in the avatar´s body though more often when back to reality these days. Well, it had possibly been the fact that they had accompanied a group of junior hunters today. You could never know what they would they would get up to. As his initial training had happened not that long ago, he was grateful for the group of experienced men who had accompanied them. These guys had her eyes everywhere and gave the younger ones the opportunity to hunt down the prey. There would be some important celebration soon and some of the youngsters would be chosen to hunt for that.

Neytiri welcomed the hunters back, contented with their prey. Jake, still thrilled by the flight, looked quite relaxed, but also tired. The young hunters were quite amazed by the flight and the hunt, already telling the others about the ride. The older men were busy sharing some of the meat with their Ikrans and handing over the prey to the ones who had approached them to welcome and help them. He used the chance to kiss her. She returned his kiss, but parted from him quickly. She didn´t tell him that this was just not done, knowing that he was aware of that.

"Looks like you we´re lucky", she said, glancing around. "We were", he confirmed, laughing. "Though some of them are really crazy!" he told her. "I got the impression that they chased only risk instead of prey." "That´s why we have to find out which of them are to accompany the older ones for the hunt to come", she answered gently.

Tey´set, who had landed right next to them, came over to them. He was one of the survivor´s of the Ikran attack against Quaritch. More open minded and less hotheaded than Tsu´tey, he had become friends with Jake who was glad for it. The guy was not only a skilled hunter, but also quite a help getting along with all the things Jake didn´t know so far.

The two men looked at each other. Tey´set reached out and put his right hand to Jake´s left shoulder, a formal greeting among adults. "Good hunt, brother", he told him with a grin. Jake accepted his words with a nod. "Good hunt, brother", he returned. Tey´set nodded to Neytiri, then left to find his own mate. Neytiri had watched the scene with silent pride. Tey´set´s words hadn't only meant that they had been able to find enough prey, but also that the two of them had worked smoothly together supervising the youngsters.

"You´re hungry ?" she inquired. He shook his head. "No, not really." They usually had some kind of dinner after sundown. There were about one or two hours left ´til then. "You look tired", she told him. This time, he frowned. But before he could ask what was up, she had taken him by the hand. "Come", she told him. "I got something for you."

Jake turned the small fruits in his hand. "I´ve never seen them before", he said. "They are rare", she told him. "That´s why. We were lucky today to find them. Have one." She gestured to him to sit. "What have you done with your plait again ?" she accused him mildly, trying to untangle the strands of hair from the pearls and straps she had woven in the day before. "Hey, they´re very sweet." He reached out for another one. She smiled behind his back, knowing that he had a preference for sweets. "That´s why I got you some", she told him, watching carefully how many of the fruits he devoured. "You should have seen Marae today", he told her, knowing that Neytiri was fond of the young huntress. "She made some of the guys very jealous." Neytiri smiled. "Don´t eat too many", she advised him. Jake rubbed his forehead for a moment, feeling dizzy. „Why ?" he asked nevertheless. Neytiri felt the muscles of his shoulders slacken slowly. He tried to turn to her. "What the…" His eyes fell shut and she let him carefully glide down to the ground. "They might send you to sleep, my love", she whispered.

* * *

"We got him." Max turned to Grace. "She did it." Grace, feeling tired herself, tried to prepare. "Good. Let´s get him back here." She nodded to Denise who nodded back. The cot slid slowly out of the interface tunnel.

Jake looked as dizzy as confused. "You´re alright ?" Grace asked. He got up to his elbows. "She _sedated_ me", was his first indignant words. He noticed Denise waiting besides the cot, the injection to sedate his human body as well ready in her hand. His eyes returned to Grace´s yellow avatar eyes. "Wouldn´t have been necessary if you were not just such a pighead", she told him. "And we are going to do the same if you should like to resist."

He frowned. With the two women next to the cot, there was no room for the wheelchair. Somebody had obviously put it away on purpose. Not the fairest thing to do to him.

"Your values changed alarmingly while you were out there", Grace told him. "So Denise will get you some infusions." "´s that alright for you ?" Denise asked, putting the injection set away to get him the prepared infusions.

Jake looked quite frustrated by now, but only gave a slow disapproving sound. "I won´t run", he told the women wearily.

* * *

Neytiri watched her life mate´s motionless body. He looked like sleeping, but she knew better. His soul had left the avatar. Grace had explained to her that it was necessary. She had understood the necessity.

She had directed him to their sleeping place on purpose before handing him the fruits. His body could rest there safely. Still, she hesitated to leave him alone.

Here she was, with the lifeless avatar body of a dreamwalker. So strange, still so familiar. So close to her. She had wondered for a while if she was doing the right thing. If she had taken the right decisions. She had rejected him the day the hometree had fallen. Still…

For the last years, there had been no doubt how her life would proceed. She had been betrothed for a while, to the man who would follow her father. A strong man, certainly. A talented hunter. A gifted warrior. Though stubborn. And a little arrogant, she remembered with a smile. Many of the women had envied her for this.

Tsu´tey hadn´t liked her parents´ decision to allow Jake to stay with them, but he had accepted it as he had underestimated the dreamwalker. He hadn´t given him a chance, hadn´t believed in his ability to learn. It had somehow injured Neytiri´s pride as a teacher. Jakes´s achievements had somewhere along the way been her own.

Tsu´tey had made an unforgivable mistake – he had underestimated the enemy. Like on the day he had sent Jake to choose an Ikran first. Neytiri would have chosen to let one of the others go first to give Jake the chance to see how it was done. Though he had learned well, she had still thought that he had a disadvantage. Jake had proven both of them wrong. And he had made her proud, so proud. And by every of Tsu´tey´s half-hearted tries to stultify Jake, he had only made things worse for himself. He had realized much too late that he had been losing her step by step.

He had attacked Jake before the humans attacked the hometree, only to be put in his place, first by Jake himself, and then again by herself, defending Jake´s lifeless body. Still, he had been smart enough afterwards not to try to win her back immediately. She had chosen, she had bonded with Jake. Besides all rage, Tsu´tey had known about the strength of this bond. And for that, his company couldn´t have been a consolation for her. It wasn´t impossible to bond again when a mate died. But it took time.

Neytiri looked up only to see her mother approaching. "He´s asleep ?" she asked. "He´s gone for now", Neytiri answered. She remembered that her mother had looked surprised when she had found out that she had chosen to bond with Jake the night right after he had earned his place among them. She hadn´t realized it that night, but later on that her mother had looked surprised, but in fact not that shocked. She had never questioned her for that. There hadn´t been reproaches. Mo´at trusted her daughter with reading the signs Eywa sent. And obviously with following her heart, too. And she had probably already seen all the things Neytiri saw now in him the night he had arrived.

Mo´at touched her daughter´s shoulder at the sadness in her words. "You´re in doubt ?" she asked. Neytiri shook her head. "No", she answered lowly, her eyes returning to the avatar in front of her. She didn´t need to say it, though. Her mother already knew how she felt about Jake having to return to his own body from time to time.


	6. Chapter 6

_Thanks for all the reviewing and alerts going on - I really appreciate it! I tried to improve the direct speech thing, makes it hopefully easier to read! For the impatient readers who are awaiting Jake´s final switch - hold out, we´re close!_

* * *

Jake returned to consciousness slowly. He realized that he was back at the base. That he was in his own human body. Supplied with the infusions Grace and Denise had insisted on. As he hated to lie around and wait, he had agreed to a light sedative as well. He had passed out with Grace´s voice telling him that there was no reason for him to believe that he would leave again without at least two hours of training and some fresh air for his real body.

Denise eyed him up critically. "How are you feeling ?" she asked. "Dizzy", he murmured. She glanced at the monitor besides his bed, then at him again. "Alright, we can do something against that." She injected something to his arm.

„Better", he told her after a minute. He didn´t feel dizzy, but still death tired. Denise sighed softly. He didn´t look angry, but not very happy either.

"I´ll leave telling you off to Grace", she told him softly. "But your values got instable at least five times while you where out there, Jake. Imagine you´d get disconnected while you´re flying."

"What the hell did you people tell Neytiri ?" he asked. Denise shrugged. "Grace spoke to her."

"This gets better and better", he mumbled. "You´re body is just not made to be left here for days without a break", she stated in the same calm way as before.

"I know. It´s just…"

Denise nodded. "I won´t say I´ll understand but I tried to imagine", she told him. Right now, she had the wheelchair ready for him besides the bed.

"Get out of here if you feel alright", she suggested with a smile. "I´ll see you for dinner.

Trudy turned up on their way to the lab. She was dressed in one of her khaki overalls again. Her leg had healed. The bone had been stabilized the day they had been able to take her back to the base. Still, after weeks out with the Na´vi, with a minimum of clothing, beads and straps braided into her hair, the military style looked strange on her.

She watched Jake glancing at the walls around them with discomfort. "Feels lousy to be back, doesn´t it ?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Indeed." He eyed her up for a second. "So how are you ?"

She chuckled. "Fine. Denise gave her best on me." She padded the healed leg. "Did something to restabilize the bone – feels like new. She also re-immunized me – not that I hadn´t taken all the shots already when I came here! And she did me up a little in addition!"

"Did you up ?" Jake asked, shooting her a curious look.

* * *

Denise handed them the carefully sealed transparent box.

"Does this thing really work ?" Norm asked, studying the tiny object inside.

"It does", Denise assured him. "The technology itself is not that new. Governments around the world have paid to develop this air filtration stuff for decades. It was just difficult for a long time to design the implant in a way that it could be grafted without problems and to stay."

"So why had we to wear the exopacks then ?" Jake asked, asking the question before Norm had the chance.

Denise chuckled. "_You_ already know the reason – it´s too expensive to give it to the exchangeable part of the staff."

"So why was Quaritch still wearing a mask ?" Norm asked.

"Pure tactic", Jake mused. "He would have lost credibility among the soldiers otherwise."

"Selfridge for example, he had an implant grafted before he even arrived here", Denise told the others. "But the guy was so damn afraid that he still used an exopack every time he had to leave the building."

Trudy chuckled. "Has he ever been outside anyway ?" she asked.

Denise wrinkled her nose. "The guy was so afraid to get out of here, I think he never really saw Pandora´s sun!"

"Which would have made it so much fun to chase him right through the jungle before sending him back to earth!" Trudy laughed heartily.

Jake joined in. "I entertained the thought too, the day they left. An hour would have been more than enough for me!"

"The guy would have wetted his paints within the first five minutes!"

They gave each other a high five. Grace shook her head.

"So back to the filtration implant", Denise said, "it´s safe. It works permanently – that´s the magic that took so long to develop. No further surgery or replacement needed as long as there are no general problems with the airway. The surgery to implant it is uncomplicated as well. "

"It´s a great thing!" Trudy grinned. "Get´s really unnerving after a while with these fuckin´ masks." As she had breathed permanently through one for weeks after the crash, Jake understood that she had volunteered to get the implant first.

"I suggest we all get one", Denise said. "We got twenty of them here – that´s quite a bunch of money." She grimaced. "That solves at least the difficulties with breathing. I already implanted Grace one, too."

The others looked at Grace who was still caught in her avatar´s body.

"Denise and Max succeeded finally in making my body recover", she stated calmly.

"That´s great!" Norm cheered. Than the expression on his face changed. "Or isn´t it ?" he inquired.

Grace sighed, throwing Max a tired look.

"There has been a transmission from earth yesterday", her fellow scientist said.

* * *

Grace took a deep breath, considering where to start.

"To be honest, I suspected the RDA to get more radical for quite a while before it really happened. Selfridge hasn´t been here that long and he followed every suggestion Quaritch made, afraid that he wouldn´t make it without this brute." Grace glanced at the other´s faces. "So when Brandon, who established the avatar program with me in the first place, had to return to earth a year and a half ago, he took a report with him. These research results are not complete, but they are essential. I was still providing further results, I sent them to him every time a ship was close enough for a transmission. He shared these results with a small circle of experts from three continents."

"But the RDA controls every transmission, no ?" Trudy interrupted.

Grace nodded. "They do. But these transmission reached Brandon, don´t worry."

"How can you be sure ?" Norm inquired.

This time, Grace laughed. "I bribed one from communications to do it. Well, as I said, this report is explosive. Publishing the book about the Na´vi a while ago, I made friends with a journalist. She again has some very useful contacts. So Brandon and I agreed that if anything strange and probably too accidentally would happen to me here, they would release the research report along with accusing the RDA of obstructing research that would help to advance food supply on earth, also for the completely polluted regions, just because of their plans to continue the mining. We also documented some of the earlier assaults against the Na´vi."

"I was told that all the videos and pics of the aussaults had been made disappear", Trudy said.

Grace looked bitter right now. "O they tried! But not very hard. They felt quite safe. However, the report as well as all the rest was to be released the moment I die or go missing and wouldn´t be found or contact earth again within two months. To make this clear, our results won´t make earth a so much better place from one day to another. But we were close to a breakthrough the moment Quaritch went mad and Selfridge freaked out and I made clear that we won´t be able to profit from these results without help from the Na´vi. So they timed things unwillingly perfect."

Jake didn't show his surprise, but noted privately that he had obviously not been the only one with a mission besides the official one.

"And the two months are over now ?" Norm asked.

This time, Grace didn´t answer the question. Finally, Max did. "They have been over two weeks ago."

"And the reaction ?" Trudy looked uncomfortable.

"Well, the transmission wasn´t very detailed, but it says clearly that RDA isn´t having much fun right now. As they were also responsible for the incidents in South America not too long ago and the ecological catastrophe twenty years ago when they just `forgot` to filter there highly toxic chemical waste by saving the money for filtration, things have become quite difficult for them right now. I guess the government will probably take over."

"And you think that will make things any better ?" Norm asked. "I don´t believe that."

"Well, it wouldn´t be quite an advancement normally, I think." Max grimaced. "Still, they are under pressure now. They might still be looking for the mineral, but there will probably be riots if they don´t take the chance to improve the food supply. And the fact is, they might need samples and further research and stuff, but there wouldn´t be any use in coming here to plunder. The research results are only the basis, the key. The rest needs to be done on earth. And as far as I can tell, it´s the biggest chance we´ve had over the last fifty years."

For a minute or two, they small round fell silent. Finally, Jake spoke.

"So that´s why you need to return to your body ?"

Grace nodded. "Don´t think that I haven´t considered this. But I cannot stay in the avatar body. They will try to ruin us and persuade people that we´re making empty promises anyway. It will possibly be necessary that I return to earth for a while. If they get here only to find me living with the Na´vi…."

"You will loose your credibility", Jake finished the sentence.

Grace nodded. "And everything would have been in vain."

"It might get quite dangerous there for you", Jake mused.

Grace smiled, but it didn´t look convincing. "I survived almost ten years on Pandora, boy. And we all do what we can, don´t we ?"

Jake realized how tired she looked.

"Well", she said, moving uncomfortably. "So far, we haven´t given any sign of life and I think we should keep it that way for a while. And if people will still ask too many questions about missing staff members, we can still declare them dead." She looked straight into Jake´s eyes. "There went so much missing during the fights."

"Do you think they wouldn´t notice too many fingers ?" he asked, a weak smile appearing around the corners of his mouth.

"Do you think one of these greedy bastards would ever really look at some savage ?" she asked back.

"Talkin´ about avatars….", Norm threw in. "What about the ones who don´t have one ?" He looked ´round.

Max raised his hands in a refusing gesture. "I am fine without one", he said. "I am really more in the theoretical stuff!"

Jake looked at Trudy who looked thoughtful. Gavin next to her frowned. "What about these two ?" Jake asked, addressing the scientists among them. "Any chance to create them their own ?"

Denise and Max exchanged doubtful looks. Grace shook her head.

„It´s quite complicated and was usually done on earth", Denise finally told them. "Besides, it takes its time. We could try, but I am not sure if we could even create a viable body, not to speak of a healthy one." Then she smiled. "_But_…", she said in a more promising tone.

"I hate doctors", Trudy suddenly stated.

"We got some avatars left here", Denise said. "We may not heave earth´s labs here, but we have the knowledge and the data base. Avatars are usually created from the DNA of the people who are going to control them. But when the avatar program got started…." She broke off. "Do you want to explain it ?" she asked, turning to Grace.

Graced waved her question aside. "Just go ahead", she told her.

Denise smiled again, a sight Jake had really started to like. The girl was somehow badly afraid of the smallest problems of every day life and probably even of her own shadow. Still, she had gotten through many tests and a long and surely difficult preparation and had finally crossed space for the science she had chosen.

"Well, in the first days, there were tries to create one prototype of an avatar that could be controlled by anyone, and to produce copies of it later on. The concept worked basically, but it turned out that the controller who had given the DNA for the prototype learned much easier and faster to direct it than the others because of the similar nervous system and brain structure. Besides, as it was always planned as a scientific project and the circle of avatar operators was believed to stay relatively small, the concept of only one prototype and copies was turned down. So if somebody wants to direct somebody else´s avatar, he will probably have to start from the scratch and it will take some time, too, but it is surely possible." She beamed. "Any volunteers ?"

Trudy snuffled. Then grinned. Then got to her feet. "I feared I´d have to practice with a child´s bow for the rest of my life", she said.

"I am in", Gavin stated.

Trudy laughed. "Scared I might outpace you ?"

"One could talk that literally, no ?", the ex soldier answered dryly.

"I said things will take time, folks", Denise said.

The volunteers merely shrugged.

"We´ve got at least some, haven´t we ? And it will be helpful anyway! Will probably safe you from ending up as vegetarians!" Trudy grinned at Max. "You get me connected, I´ll get you your steak."

"When do we start ?" Gavin asked.

Denise threw Grace a questioning look. The older scientist only laughed. "I don´t care, really."

Finally, Jake stretched a little. "So, there´s one last thing for now. There´s another gathering in two weeks from now. You are invited. All of you."

These news enlightened Norm´s mood. "Wow", he exclaimed. Grace only smiled. Gavin nodded, his expression as usual hard to read.

"Oh my God", Denise said. She was the one most hesitant to use her avatar and the only one who looked quite shocked. "How are we going to get there ?"

"On an Ikran ?" Jake suggested.

"No way!" Denise exclaimed.

The others laughed at the side of her widening eyes. "I guess Jake is teasing you", Grace told the scared looking doctor. Jake couldn´t tell if she was afraid of the trip to the jungle or of not knowing what to wear to the party.

Trudy cleared her throat. "I may possibly wanna stay a day or two longer out there." Giving the others no time to ask question, she addressed Gavin. "You´re a former pilot, aren´t you ?"

"Yeah. But I got only one or two times the chance to accompany one of the other guys on a Samson. And I don´t know the territory out there at all. Could get a rough ride."

"We´ll have somebody guiding you anyway", Jake told him. Norm´s frown made him realize how problematic phrases like "we" had somehow become. "Would be appreciated if you´ d arrive in the early afternoon."

"Is there…anything we could prepare ?" Denise now asked.

"Bring some gifts if you´d like", Jake suggested. "I expect somebody to go through the eye of Eywa and return that night", he added, throwing Grace a mischievous look.

For once, the scientist had nothing to answer to that.

He threw another glance at his watch. He had somehow managed to let the ten hours his avatar would at least sleep pass. Dinner and the hours afterwards had passed quickly. Actually, they had talked through half the night.

"If there´s nothing else you´re gonna force me to…." He turned to Grace.

Grace shook her head, remaining silent. The others stretched and got up. Norm, yawning, padded his shoulder. "See you tomorrow", Jake told him. Norm frowned. They had agreed earlier that day that Jake would pick him up the next morning. Officially for research purposes. Inofficially as Jake was convinced that the friend needed urgently to fathom his avatar´s abilities. "Yeah", Norm only answered, sounding hesitantly.

"Go to bed", Grace suggested to Max. "I´ll connect him." Max nodded and wished everybody a good night.

* * *

Finally, Grace and Jake entered the lab alone. "So Mo´at thinks a return is possible", Grace concluded while he entered the interface pod.

"There is this way – and still the other."

"I am scientist, Jake. I don´t belong to this body."

He chuckled. "You are almost off your drugs, Grace. I see, you would have to believe in Eywa if you´d choose to stay in this body. But consider the advantages. No exopack. No smoking. Access to all the places you always wanted to see."

Graces sighed. "You think transferring my mind the first time would have been possible without me believing in Eywa ?"

Jake grinned. "No ?" he suggested.

"You think getting Trudy and Gavin in somebody else´s avatar will work ?" he asked while she started the system.

„It´s been done successfully before", she told him, concentrating on the panel in front of her. „Though considering what happened last time I got an ex soldier into an avatar´s body, I don´t know if I can really handle them." Suddenly she looked up from the terminal and at him. "Will I be the only one to go trough Eywa´s eye that night and return ?"

He didn´t answer first, but his somehow guilty look told her everything. "There´s so much more for that body out there, Grace. Fly. Swim. Hunt. Run."

She didn´t comment, studying his face.

"You think I shouldn´t do it ?" he asked.

She smiled. _As if you ever asked me what to do before, marine. _

"Don´t be a fool", she told him, closing the pod.

* * *

_I am planning on a little more Jake - Norm stuff for the next chapters... I hope I get it done a way it fits the characters! So much work left *g* !_


	7. Chapter 7

_**author´s note :**_

_Be warned, this chapter ended somehow up sugar sweet and sticky *g*. Still, I liked it that way, as the movie actually had somehow been the same and still marvellous (just the way it should be with every good and heroic ´good against bad´- epic, by the way). I feel I still suck at catching Jake´s usual quite easygoing character by describing simple, but strong emotions in a too complicated way. But I just felt like getting a roll with things last night when I wrote this, just to find out this morning that my computer had just got broken and I didn´t know if there was anything of my data left! So after getting over the technical problems, I decided to publish this one the way it was written in the first place before something else gets in the way *g* and to see what happens - so please be gracious._

_More Jake&Norm and Jake´s final switch are only pleasures deferred, I promise !_

_Reviews **very **welcome!  
_

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* * *

  
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Darkness surrounded him when he opened his eyes. It took a moment to adjust.

He slowly realized his surroundings. The silence of night had fallen over the camp, but there were still sounds left to be heard. The crackling sounds of the fires kept going for the night watch. A child crying somewhere. Its mother whispering soothing words. Some insects chirping. A soft breeze causing leaves to rustle.

With a Navi body came not only an increased body height, but also an advanced hearing sense. Multi directional movable ears. A highly developed sense of smell. And, especially amazing for Jae, an intact spine, but he didn´t clung to that thought for now. Grinning in the dark, he added something else to the list of differences – a tail. The thought itself was quite weird.

Halfway back to consciousness, he reached out to touch the slim form curled besides him. She flinched for a second under his unexpected touch and turned towards him, whispering his name. He liked the accent and the soft tone she spoke his name with, the smooth way she spoke the ´j´ with. He pulled her close and got wrapped in her warmth and scent. The way she nestled to him told him clearer than any words how glad she was to have him back.

Jake closed his eyes again, inhaling her scent. This felt more real and right than the real world. This was home.

Neytiri was different from any woman he had ever met – and their relationship was as different from any relationship he ever had before. To some point, this matched his feelings about how complicate things had been in general back on earth, and how simple they had become out here. In Na´vi culture was no room for human complications like shame, pretense or clothing. Or, more probably, no need.

Jake had experienced some things with some typical human unease. For example the fact that getting in touch with people was quite important for them. Up from the start, Neytiri hadn´t hesitated to touch him. To correct a movement. To explain things she wouldn´t find the right words for in that strange tongue of the sky people. Getting in touch with people was very important in general. To greet, to comfort, to show affection or respect. It was natural for them and shying away from it only caused irritations. Touching somebody meant to feel him and by that see him or her in the Na´vi way. And surprisingly, the fact that there was more physical contact between Na´vi individuals than between humans in general, it didn´t made an intimate touch less intense.

The touching thing went hand in hand with their openness. These people were straight forward in a stunning kind of way. Feelings were not hidden. There was pretense - a warrior would still pretend not to feel the pain when injured and a woman would still pretend to have come along just accidentally when the warrior she had a bad crush on had just caught her eyeing him up. But a Na´vi would usually never hide a strong emotion like it was frequently done by the human kind to manipulate. The way they hissed and laughed out and grieved openly was just something humans were not used to – which was just pathetic. The way they cheered and mourned together, they way they let others partake in their feelings, just showed how vital sharing and interacting was for them.

Jake had somewhere down the road started to wonder if that lack of honesty was one of the reasons why things had never went right for him with a woman before. He had almost every time been able to read Neytiri´s emotions clearly, to predict if she would snarl or laugh or smile at him the next second.

His thoughts wandered back to the day of his initiation, right after he had bonded with his Ikran. Up on that mountain, she had shared the thrill of choosing with him. During his first ride, she had shared his success and freedom. Back at hometree, she had let everybody see her pride, for both the student´s and the teacher´s achievements.

Entangling his fingers in her hair, he pictured again how she had snarled at Tsu´tey who had been dumb enough to try and tell her off for her decision to do Jake´s body painting for the rite herself. It was normally done by the family. As Jake had none, she as his instructor had volunteered. So she had put the guy in his place. Again. Up to that point, Jake had already given up counting the times he had mocked her for her task as well as he had tried to patronize her - the thought of that itself ridiculous enough.

"Just take good care of that cub", he had advised her that night. "He´s still not able to survive without his mother!" She had chosen to ignore the comment, but the way her shoulders had straightened and her chin had come up had told everyone around clearly that she felt just above it.

Jake remembered having cheered inwardly that moment. Tsu´tey´s insults had never really affected him. There had been no use ignoring the guy´s advantages, as he had been born a Na´vi and nominated to follow Eytucan, so Jake had accepted these circumstances as something that couldn´t be changed. Tsu´tey had simply been in a stronger position. It had obviously never occurred to him that every single one of his attacks had not just been another opportunity to let everybody see his disgust, but proof of his jealousy as well. It had been a contradiction in terms. For Jake being an individual he despised so much, Tsu´tey had shown remarkable anger. The fact that Jake had somehow managed to show the due respect as well as his equability towards Tsu´tey´s derogatory remarks had surely only added to this anger. And that night, as so many times before, it had again been the _skxawng_ who had been allowed to follow Neytiri to a more private place instead of her betrothed in the end.

She had painted his body assiduously, in a ceremonial mood. Jake mused that she had possibly made her choice right there, helping him prepare for his initiation.

The rite itself had been just stunning. He hadn´t had the chance to witness another one before and as usual, she hadn´t really told him what would happen. This time, she had just explained that choosing the Ikran was the crucial thing.

However, the rite itself had proven quite simple, but nevertheless overwhelmingly amazing. Jake had lost his father at the age of thirteen and had never looked up to somebody else the way he had had looked up to him. Eytucan putting his hands to his shoulders in approval that night would have been enough to shake him to the bone. He had somehow felt like being sent back to childhood, admittedly, and somehow, regarding his own Na´vi life, he had been. But the moment Neytiri had touched his shoulder as well as her mother and Tsu´tey did, the rest of the tribe gathering around them to close the circle, he had fully realized what he had only glimpsed at before - what their whole life was about.

Right now, Neytiri´s fingers traced down his spine and back to his neck again and he buried his face in the strands of braided dark hair. She had been in remarkably high spirits that night, looking somehow eased and freed. They had become close over the months. Still, she had never before taken him by the hand that way to drag him along with her. He had followed her into the waters close to the holy trees where she had led him to wash off the painting. Every touch from her had been intoxicating.

He wasn´t a child anymore. Not only that further teachings wouldn´t be as intense as they had been during the last months. By being reborn as an adult, he had lost the protection granted to a child. And Tsu´tey would surely not hesitate to put things straight about Jake being that close on Neytiri´s heels any longer.

With his initiation done, they had reached a turning point – and they both knew.

When she told him about choosing a mate, he found that she had never brought up a topic that allusively before. Jake was thankful that the events of the days following that night hadn´t affected his memory of these moments in any way. She had suddenly looked thoughtful – and uncomfortable. Unsure. It had been the first time that he had seen her in such a mood. Him being able to connect to her ancestors and Eywa the way she could had probably been the sign she had been looking for.

Still, she had pointed out to him that he was allowed to choose a woman now. That they were indeed some fine women around. He hadn´t believed his hearing first. There she stood, her back turned on him, praising her Omaticayan sisters. As if he had ever been interested in a single one of them.

Again, things had suddenly become clear. There had been no doubt about what to do. He would probably lose her anyway, but he had at least to try to avoid that – with all the implications included. There had been no time to consider rejection.

Impressions got branded deeply into his memory. Her fingertips on his face. Her lips on his. The moment they had sunken down to the ground, she still in his embrace, he had sworn to himself never to let go of her again.

Though he didn´t have the insights and knowledge Grace or Norm might had have, he had been quite aware of what mating would mean for both of them. For once detached from their former lifes, their families and friends, their cultures and origins, they took a decision. They choose and that included facing the consequences.

Making love in a Na´vi body to the woman he had fallen for had been a recent topic in his dreams, though he had to realize that the human Jake had definitely had not had the slightest idea of what it would feel like.

Trapped in the heat of the moment, he had realized belatedly that there was still one thing left to do to seal the pact. She had looked down to him, inquiring, the moment she had reached for his braid. Forcing her face softly down to his to kiss her, he had agreed.

Establishing Tsa´helu with her for the first time simply blew up his mind. For a moment in eternity, there were no more frontiers. He wasn´t able to breathe or feel her body or his own. Losing control had always been a bad thing to experience. This time, he would have given quite a lot just to prolong the moment.

Jake, returning for a second to the present, let his hand softly rest on the back of her neck.

Back then, the kind of safe free fall had finally ended. Jake, hardly able to comprehend what just had happened to them, mused that Eywa, usually unfailing in her generosity, had maybe missed a point, letting this sensation far beyond words end with their children´s physical climax.

He had hoped desperately that this experience was not to be made only once. And he had realized that some part of it was meant to stay, a kind of unshakable certainty he hadn´t experienced before.

His hand still resting at her neck, he touched her forehead with his, a smile around the corners of his mouth. The night they had sealed that pact had been the night Eywa had sealed his downfall. He had never been the religious type of guy, but by living among a race that practiced religion so naturally, he had obviously gotten infected. Neytiri was a child of Eywa, no doubt, and in one of his admittedly rather rare philosophical moments, he felt that where the daughter had finally stolen his heart from him that night, the mother had stolen his soul from the devil. It gave this goddess something mischievous and powerful he liked.

His smile widened at these thoughts. He had sometimes trouble to believe that they really were his own. At the same time, Grace´s words echoed in his mind.

"_Don't be a fool."_


	8. Chapter 8

Though there had still been some time left until dawn, Jake hadn´t found any more sleep, and he hadn´t longed for it. Neytiri had returned to him with some fruits and water and they had shared breakfast on the branch of the new hometree, close to their sleeping place, overlooking the camp to their feet.

They had renewed the bond after his return as Toruk Makto and he had had to find out that in times of war, it could be an experience as painful as it was positively mind blowing otherwise. Mo´at had told him later on that mates needed this experience as well as every other to really share – and that it would only make the bond stronger than it had already been.

Life was balance, and Eywa watched over it. Neytiri seemed never to tire telling him this.

"Without night, there wouldn´t be dawn", she told him right now. "And without grief, we wouldn´t know of joy." She nodded towards one of the women who had gathered around one of the fires for breakfast. They would later on prepare the colours needed to paint peoples bodies for the gathering to come, a highly important task. "Some things can´t exist without others. Some things complement to others, and it is necessary. Take Amonta´rey."

Jake knew the woman. Taller than most of the Na´vi woman, slim built, her nature so calm that she seemed almost shy and fragile though he knew that she was everything else than that. "Amonta´rey is Tsu´tey´s sister", she told him. He nodded, signalizing that he already knew this, but her next words came as a surprise. "They were born the same day."

"Twins", Jake said softly in English.

She realized the implications. „Like you and your brother", she said, covering his larger hand with her own. "It´s rare among the Na´vi. And when two children are born the same day, it is said that they share one soul." She pictured the man she had been betrothed to for a moment. "Amonta´rey is everything Tsu´tey wasn´t. They complemented each other. So there was balance."

Jake remembered witnessing a meeting of his former rival and brother and his sister one day, only a week or two after his arrival. He hadn´t known about their kinship back then. Neytiri was right, they had been like fire and water. Tsu´tey had snarled at her for whatever reasons, what had actually been the reason for Jake to look up and watch them in the first place. Instead of snarling back or backing off, she had answered calmly, the beginning of a true smile on her face. He hadn´t understood the words, but as Tsu´tey had been up for a hunt, she had probably wished him luck. He had glanced at her with his usual haughtiness first – just to put one hand at the back of her neck the next second to pull her close and let his forehead rest against hers in approval, caressing her cheek with his thump.

It had completely perplexed Jake. Unaware of the meaning of getting in touch for them, unaware of the both of them being siblings at least, he had been surprised that the guy was able to act as gently as he just had. He had been even more surprised to see him touch a woman other than his betrothed this way. Even back then, Jake had been able to see that it had not just been an empty gesture. Remembering the scene, he realized that the two of them had looked much closer as Tsu´tey and Neytiri, though he had probably only misinterpreted things and it had possibly been just natural to feel like that as he had rarely seen such gestures between Tsu´tey and Neytiri at all.

His life mate had fallen silent, lost in thoughts. She had mentioned Tsu´tey rarely since the day he had died. Some days after she had asked him if there had been a mate left back home on earth, which he had negated, she had asked him, just curious, if there had really never been a woman before.

He had tried to explain that people on earth only rarely bonded for life nowadays. "Nowadays ?" she had asked. He had then done his best to outline that human individuals didn´t depend as much on each other than in former days to survive and that this in addition with the inability to establish Tsa´helu led often to rather short termed relationships. She had simply been shocked to hear that they were not able to bond, as the idea was just unimaginable for her. Grace, divorced twice herself, had obviously not told them everything about human society. He had only told her that he himself could live with the fact that he hadn´t found the right woman to bond with there.

Finally, he had also found the courage to ask her what would happen to people who simply made a mistake choosing their partner. "It happens", she had only answered. "But not often."

Right now, she turned her head to face him.

"You asked me once what would happen to two people who bond without listening to the heart", she suddenly said as if reading his thoughts. Jake only nodded, unsure what she was going to tell him next.

"Amonta´rey first bonded with a warrior her family was really fond of. But they… didn´t get along. She asked my mother for advise. Mother read the signs and suggested to loosen the bond."

"So they followed her advise ?"

Neytiri shook her head. "Like both had to choose in the first place, both had to agree to it. Amonta´rey´s mate wasn´t willing to agree."

"So she had to stay with him ?" Jake asked, knowing that Amonta´rey had given birth to a little girl.

This time, Neytiri smiled. "He finally agreed."

"So he understood ?"

Neytiri cocked her head. "Oh he did. Tsu´tey´s blade pressed to his throat helped him figure things out quickly in the end."

Jake chuckled lowly. It was exactly the kind of diplomatic solution Tsu´tey would have been looking for. For an instant, he entertained the thought that he and Quaritch would probably have gotten along very well if they hadn't been on different sides.

To him, Neytiri´s former betrothed had always been just a pain in the ass, an arrogant hothead who had not cared for him dying or living. Still, he had realized that even Toruk Makto would need his support to fight Quaritch. And travelling to the other clans and listening to Tsu´tey´s fiery, though not always word-for-word interpretations of his own pleas, he had had to acknowledge that Tsu´tey had shoved his personal grudge aside for the time being to defend his people.

"She established Tsa´helu with another man later on, though Tsu´tey didn´t like her choice. " She moved besides him. "But this time, her choice was right and he accepted it." Now she laughed. "I guess, to him, there would have been no man other than a clan leader worth to bond with his sister anyway."

Jake started to answer, but she touched his lips softy with her fingertips to stop him.

"Life mates need to complement each other, Jake", she said suddenly. "And I think Tsu´tey and I didn´t complement that well. Don´t underestimate him. We both knew that."

The words stunned him and made him wonder if this was also the answer to the never asked question why they hadn´t already made the bond when he had arrived.

"May I ask why you two never loosened the betrothal then ?"

"It would only have led to rivalry and Tsu´tey had already been chosen to follow my father." She entangled long fingers in his, glancing over the place, over her people. "And none of us had planned to bond with somebody else in the near future." _Not until you appeared._

Jake knew that there were differences between the clans regarding the concept of leadership. There were clans which were lead by a single leader, simply as their people regarded a shaman´s scope of responsibility as something completely different from the one of a clan leader´s. There were others led by a female and a male, chosen by contest, while others chose by voting. There hadn´t been a chance to ask Grace or Norm about that before, but he assumed that the differences had possibly been formed by the fact that some of them lived in regions more dangerous then others. Some places were just safer than others to live in – even on Pandora.

He looked at her the moment she chuckled lowly. "And another reason might be that there had never been a man who would have dared to put a knife to Tsu´tey´s throat."

Jake chuckled too. Her word shed a new light on things nevertheless. Tsu´tey´s hostility had surely not been something any clan member would have liked to experience. So, besides being already aware of the fact that there was no use to try and force establishing a bond, he wouldn´t have accepted another man as Neytiri´s mate easily. He might not have been able to change the facts, but he would have reserved his right to challenge whoever would approach his partner in leadership.

And then a human _skxwang_ of all people had come along, stealing the firebrand´s precious. Jake frowned. God, he had really a knack for putting his life in danger. And Neytiri, probably the only person knowing Tsu´tey as well as his twin sister, had realized that there was only one way to avert a challenge.

Jake felt somehow guilty for the thought, but Toruk Makto or not and though the bond had already been made, Tsu´tey would still have given him quite a hard time anyway if he had survived. And he would have had a hard time to put up resistance. Being brothers in arms and enemies in love would have been a nasty thing to get along with. With Tsu´tey´s death, this problem was gone as well.

"I am sorry for your loss", he stated suddenly.

She let her head rest against his shoulder and he put an arm around her. "I know", she answered.

* * *

* * * * *

Trudy cursed unmentionably. „Jesus Christ, I hadn´t thought of this being so annoying!"

"Ah come on, that went quite well so far today", Norm encouraged her.

"Yeah, that´s why I have to be taken by the hand like a four year old!"

"Actually more like an eleven months old", Norm corrected with a chuckle.

Trudy just rolled her eyes. She had just managed to stand upright on her own in her borrowed avatar, but walking proved badly difficult so far. So she had Norm at her side, stabilizing her. She had stopped counting how many times she had just landed right into his arms so far when he had prevented her from falling.

Jake, approaching the open air workout area from the jungle´s side with Tey´set, stopped in his tracks for a moment. Trudy had been a friend and one of the women he had solely seen as that, just the way some girls were immediately considered to get a guys´s more basic attentions and others were not. Still, it hadn´t made him go blind. The human Trudy was well curved and had somehow managed to look even hot in navy green overalls and jackboots and he would have bet that a lot of the guys around had been after her ass.

As there wasn´t an avatar grown from her own DNA, she was now trying to get used to the one of a female chemist who had chosen to return to earth. So, different from the ones Norm, Jake, Grace and Denise used, the avatar body lacked the similarity to her own human features. Still, the way she moved – as far as she had handled to move around on her own so far - looked quite like her own one, some of her gestures just unmistakable Trudy. And even dressed in some typically human looking shorts and a tanktop, he could tell that this avatar in combination with Trudy´s self would definitely draw attention among the Omaticaya men – and if she had just learned to move smoothly, she would simply raise havoc there.

"Looks already good", he commented when he drew closer to the two of them.

Trudy grinned. "Yeah, would look even better if I would be able to do some steps on my own, wouldn´t it."

Denise, in her avatar´s body as well and next to her, smiled helplessly. "Well, I told you…."

"I know!" Trudy interrupted her. "Spare me the take your time thing, honey."

The two more traditional looking Na´vi men stopped some steps away from the others, Tey´set and his companion following Jake´s example. Grace, watching the small group from one of the vegetable patches where she had been controlling the growth of some plants, wondered if one of them realized how remarkable the scene was. Jake and his Na´vi comrade, dressed the rather Spartan looking traditional way, carrying bow and arrows and looking rather martial that way. Trudy, unsure on her own new blue legs which seemed right now just too long and instable for her to use, half turned to Norm who supported her. Denise close to them, observing. Grace wondered privately if the others had ever realized how gracefully the younger scientist moved in that Na´vi body, though she was so hesitant to use it with some more confidence.

Jake put forth his hand to Trudy. „Come on", he challenged. „Ready to tear yourself away from Norm for some steps ?" The comment made Trudy growl and Norm frown – Jake grinned, contended. Norm waited for her to regain her balance again, then steppead back. Jake waited patiently – just to take a step backwards the moment she took one forward.

"Jackass", Trudy snarled, cursing Jake´s guts heartily in private.

"Go on if it helps you", he encouraged her with a grin, watching her stumble and regain balance. She reached out to grab his arm, but he backed off again. Joining the game, she managed some more steps before she stumbled seriously. Jake and Tey´set caught her before she could hit the ground.

"Walking and keeping balance will be the hardest thing to do", Denise predicted. "After that, you´ll manage the rest more easily." Trudy, being put back to her feet, just nodded thanks to the men and mumbled another curse under her breath.

"So where´s your sparring partner ?" Jake asked, referring to Gavin.

Denise answered the question gesturing towards the avatars´ sleeping place. "Fast asleep over there. He had his training earlier in the morning."

"He only lacks…." Tsey´set frowned, looking for the right word. "Stamina ?", Jake helped him out.

"He lacks coordination skills and training in the first place," Denise explained. "Right now, they are like two year old children in an adult´s body. They just have to learn a lot." Jake had tried to explain the difference between his own avatar and Trudy´s and Gavin´s earlier that day and Tsey´set nodded.

"You have no idea how exhausting this is", Trudy said.

Jake grinned. "As it happens, regarding especially the walking, I do."

Grace went over to them, greeting Tsey´set in Na´vi and asking politely after his family´s health. Tsey´set returned the greeting in English, asking for her own.

"What brings you here ?" she asked curiously.

Jake chuckled. "We´re here to pick Norm up."

"For what exactly ?" Grace inquired sceptically, staring suspiciously at Jake.

While Jake realized that Norm had obviously forgotten on purpose to tell him that he hadn´t told Grace so far, Norm realized that this was the time to confess. "Basic weapons training", he told her. Tsey´set handed him one of the two bows he had with him.

"You´re takin´ weapons´s lessons out there, telling _me _you´re collecting samples ?" Grace asked, her temper rising. "You knew about this ?" she addressed Denise. Denise, who had merely been persuaded by Norm to accompany him on some trips to the jungle in the first place, blushed. "And what the hell did _you _do out there you thought you couldn´t tell me, huh ?"

"I collected the samples", Denise answered meekly.

"That´s all ?" Grace asked, putting her hands to her hips in an enraged gesture.

"Ayn´yva told her about the plants collected to be eaten around the camp", Tsey´set threw in.

"You had his mate giving you _cooking lessons_ ?" Grace barked at Denise.

Denise blushed only deeper but felt that she needed to stand her ground finally. "She told me about the toxic and eatable plants and how to get the useful stuff out of unpalatable plants. It´s nice to have all that in a data base, but it´s useless if you can´t identify them out there."

Tsey´set made an apologizing gesture. "I didn´t know that it would offend you, Grace."

She turned to him, her eyes flashing. "_You_ didn´t offend me. It´s just offending if people are not telling me the truth for any reasons." She addressed the others again. "This is just awful!" she told them, turning to leave.

"Grace", Jake tried. "Come on. This…"

"Oh shut up, Jake!" she interrupted him.

"This is my fault", Norm said.

To everybody´s surprise, Denise hissed angrily. "Don´t blame us for trying to survive here", she suggested. "Norm was probably just afraid that he would be teased for it if telling the truth. He had planned on a surprise." She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "And so had I."

Grace looked still furious. "Whatever", she stated offhandedly. With a quick nod to Tsey´set, she rushed off.

"Wow", Trudy said into the silence. "She´s pissed." Jake only sighed in frustration.

"Don´t worry", Denise said. "I´ll try and talk to her later on. I´ve been working long enough with her by now."

"We should probably search this data base of yours for something she can smoke", Jake suggested sardonically.

* * *

"I just think things might feel a bit less embarrassing if you would show me how to do it", Norm reasoned while following Jake through the jungle. Tsey´set had left them to look around for an adequate place to exercise.

"Norm, I also just learned that stuff and I still need to get better. I am definitely not the right guy to instruct you. And look, this is just the same thing with you trying to teach me Na´vi and I think I would be _far_ less successful. I mean, look how fast you learned to ride a direhorse."

Norm rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, that was ´cause we had horses at home. I guess I learned to ride before I learned to walk."

Jake frowned, trying to figure which way Tsey´set might have taken.

"So you´re sure about this ?" Norm asked.

Jake turned to him. "I am positive! Jeez, you went to war with these guys with no more than a basic training in shooting a gun, man!" In Jake´s eyes, that had taken much more balls than learning how to fire off an arrow and get poked around a little by a Na´vi girl. "So don´t tell me you´re going to wet your pants right now. You had any interest in sports before you came here ?"

"I played on the St. Jones medical school´s basketball team."

Jake couldn't other than grimace. He would spare the friend the usual opinion among jarheads regarding university basketball teams if the institution had specialised on anything else than sports. Getting a bunch of booksworms into a gym was probably more dangerous than a crowd of badly pissed guerrillas. Tsey´set appeared some steps away from them out of nowhere and Jake was glad that he wouldn´t have to look for an answer any longer.

"The guy looks fierce", Norm said helplessly.

Jake grinned. Norm was right, Tsey´set looked ferocious. Some years older than the two of them, his hair styled the warrior way and his face rather angular, he radiated quiet self confidence – and demanded respect. Where Tsu´tey would already have been shouting in rage, admittedly being quite intimidating in his whole appearance, Tsey´set would only stand and stare – just to reach the same results. Jake had witnessed that effect often enough by now, watching him interact with the members of the other clans and his own. Distantly related to Eytucan and with a distinct empathy for his comrades in arms, he had spoken for them most of the times they had met the Tsahik and some of the older members of the clan to discuss things after the final battle.

"He´s not going to eat you", Jake promised. "And I watched him instruct people before. Don´t worry."

Norm threw the friend a rather doubting look, but gave up resisting.

* * *

Two hours later, Norm felt strained. The unaccustomed effort and the extreme concentration needed exhausted him. After the harmless brawl with Jake, he had never been wearing boots again when in his avatar body and he had changed into at least knee long shorts to be not obstructed while moving through the jungle. Today, it had only taken some other ten minutes of training with the bow and Tsey´set had demanded that he would have to take his shirt off. He needed to see Norm´s muscles work and the cloth just obstructed the arrow. Jake, who was mainly there for moral support and to go and pick up the arrows Norm had fired, had a good feeling about things. Norm was a tall guy and so was his avatar, and bookworm or not, he wasn´t as unathletic as he himself probably feared to be, but just not used to stuff like this. Right now, soaked in sweat, the muscles of his arms trembling from the effort, he gritted his teeth.

"Have a last try for today", Tsey´set suggested.

Norm only nodded, trying hard to concentrate one last time. The arrow went off forcefully, though it didn´t hit the tree he had aimed to. Jake, out again to fetch some others, ducked in surprise, though the arrow passed him in some distance. He turned, throwing the friend a challenging look.

"Sorry ?" Norm said.

Jake only chuckled and went looking for the missile.

"Come on", he said, padding the friends shoulder when they had all their stuff together. "What about a swim ?"

* * *

"This is really safe ?"

Tsey´set nodded. "There are no predators in the water."

Norm watched Jake and his instructor getting rid of everything the didn´t want to get wet. Jake caught his glance.

"What ? Don´t tell me you can´t swim now."

Norm frowned, looking offended. "I _can, _actually. It´s just not my favourite discipline."

"This is for _fun_", Jake insisted.

They watched Tsey´set jump head first into the water. For Norm, it looked just too far down.

"Just relax", Jake told him, following Tsey´set the same way.

Norm sighed. He wondered sometimes if Jake and the other warriors had ever been aware of the fact that it took only a small step from their glorious bravery to simple foolishness.

He had just finally dared to jump when a small group of Na´vi women appeared out of the woods. Norm recognized Ayn´yva, Tsey´set´s mate. She called out to them, but he didn´t get the words.

"What did she say ?" he asked.

"They collected _ewirayen_", Jake said. "Sweet stuff, looks like small bananas."

"Jeez, Jake, I know what they look like! I just didn´t get what she said", Norm complained.

"Well, so much for studying Na´vi for years!" He didn't miss Norm´s stare and splashed water into his face. "You recognize Ayn´yva, don´t you ? "

"Who´s the girl next to her ?" Norm asked.

Jake realized belatedly that the friend hadn´t been staring at his instructor´s mate.

"Wow", Norm just said, wondering if he had ever seen somebody more graceful.

Ayn´yva had come down to the shore meanwhile, throwing one of the fruits over to her mate. He caught it with an appreciating grunt.

"Shaake ?", she called, another fruit ready in her hand. Jake only nodded and she passed another one over. "What about your brother ?" she called.

"Norm ?" Jake asked.

"Huh ?" he answered absently. The second woman had just set the child she had been carrying on her arms to the ground. Beads of a dark vermillion had been braided into her hair and she had drawn two horizontal stripes of paint in the same colour across her forehead.

"Norm!" Jake insisted, catching the fruits Ayn´yva had finally thrown over to him to hand them to Norm.

"What ?" he said, turning his head.

"Want some of these or not ?" Jake asked.

"Sure", Norm answered belatedly.

Jake grinned and waved to Ayn´yva, calling thanks to her.

"So who is she ?" he asked.

"Ay´lel", Jake answered. "She´s one of the girls Mo´at and one of the older midwifes teach obstetrics to. She has been living with a different clan for a while to learn from their midwifes, I guess." Jake had been there the moment they had arrived at the clan´s camp and Ay´lel had come forward to greet them. She had been another one of the few women Tsu´tey hadn't looked too arrogantly at. The girl was his cousin and had insisted on accompanying them home after hearing the news.

"Vermillion as the colour of life", Norm muttered, causing Jake to frown.

"Just try to improve your wrestling skills before you ask her out", Jake suggested. "If you think of Tsey´set as fierce, you don´t wanna meet her older brother."

* * *

"Trudy and I had planned to go to the mountains tomorrow to see what´s left of our lab there", Norm told him when they reached the base later in the afternoon. "Wanna join ?"

Jake nodded. "I´m in." He hadn´t been there since the day he had almost died there, and it would be the last day before the gathering that he wouldn´t be too busy with hunting or other preparations.

Norm grinned, padding Jake´s shoulder. "Then see you later."

* * *

_I hadn´t thought much about the reasons for Neytiri and Tsu´tey not having bonded so far. Writing down this possible explanation, do you see the potentialities in this for an a LITTLE different story ? *g* And Tsu´tey would surely have been a worthy adversary for Jake – I think I´ll keep that in mind! _

_  
Thanks to Outreach117 whose story "A new beginning" just reminded me that I actually got Aerosmith´s "I don´t wanna miss a thing" - record somewhere around. It´s another great song who fits in with Avatar amazingly well - and besides that, one I already loved before! As I always need the right music to write, credits are in order!_


	9. Chapter 9

_short one. _

* * *

„Holy shit", Trudy said, looking at the smashed container that had once been part of the small outpost.

"You can say that again", Norm said. "Quaritch would have killed you without batting an eye", he added, turning to Jake.

Jake wrinkled his nose for a moment. "Don´t think I would have let him get out of here alive", he answered gravely.

"You look like you would have preferred to settle scores yourself with the bastard." Trudy, jumping out of the helicopter´s front door, looked around. Norm knew that she was not as cool as she always pretended to be, though she was definitely tough. He also knew that she would normally never talk that indifferent about the value of anybody´s life. Well, Quaritch had done his best to earn this.

"Believe me, Neytiri can be trusted with stuff like this." Jake watched Norm approaching the destroyed oversized robot Quaritch had used. He was obviously led by some kind of morbid fascination. "Norm!" he called. His voice sounded slightly muffled behind his breathing mask. He was the only one up to now who hadn´t gotten one of the implants to get rid of the exopack.

"You should really let Denise get you one of these breathing things soon", Trudy told him. Jake, still watching Norm, pretended to have overheard her comment.

Norm had stopped in his tracks and turned.

"Don´t", Jake advised him, shaking his head. He was quite sure that the carnivore species around had done her best to take care of the body, but Quaritch had also been fixed in his position, something necessary to control the AMP suit. He was also sure that Norm didn´t really want to see whatever might be left there.

"You could give us a hand here", Trudy told him impatiently. They had the wheelchair with them, but there was no real use for it. She needed Norm to assist her taking Jake over to the lab.

"You´re right." Norm returned to the others, realizing that they were waiting for him to assist. "Sorry", he added.

There was some disorder inside. Some broken glass. One of the cots wracked up by Quaritch´s attack.

"A lot of this stuff can still be used." Norm looked around.

Trudy nodded. "Yeah. And there are enough other containers left. We can cope with loosing this one." She glanced over to Jake. The absent expression on his face made her frown. This wasn´t the place they had decided to mutiny in the first place. Still, it was the place where they had hidden. Where they had planned how to answer to Quaritch´s attack. Where they had almost lost Grace.

"A bookworm, a crazy pilot and a cripple." Jake chuckled. "We really made a good team."

It happened faster than Jake could react, especially as he hadn´t been expecting it – Trudy whacked him softly against the back of his head. "We _are_, Jake !" she corrected. "And you shouldn´t talk that derogatively about the people who are going to take you back …" She stumbled over the word ´home´. "…to the helicopter", she said instead. None of them considered the headquarter as a place to call a home anymore.

"We are", Jake confirmed. "Still, I always pictured a group of resistance fighters differently."

"You learn something new every day", Norm mumbled. Sitting down on the edge of the smashed cot, he frowned. "It was the only right thing to do, wasn´t it ? Fighting Quaritch and Selfridge ?"

"Sure it was!" Trudy said. "And everyone with the smallest rest of sense should have been able to see it."

Jake suddenly chuckled. "It´s strange, you know. I think I only became a marine ´cause all I ever wanted was a single thing worth fighting for."

Trudy raised her eyebrows and clicked her tongue. "And I guess you found it ?"

He laughed, looking slightly ashamed. "Think so."

She watched Jake touch thoughtfully the cot he had dreamed in. "You haven´t come here to help us check on the stuff left here", she suddenly addressed Jake. "Haven´t you ?"

Norm looked first at her, then at Jake.

"What do you mean ?" Jake asked. It sounded dishonest, even to him.

"I mean", Trudy said, "that I know that expression on your face. You came here to see the place one last time."

For a minute, the friends sat in silence. Patiently.

"I don´t wanna be back in one of these fuckin´ casket´s every time I wake for the rest of my life", Jake finally said, his voice a little bit hoarse. "Scares the hell out of me."

"You don´t say!" Trudy shook her head. They had spent days and weeks out here on too less room. They had seen him awake with a start more than one time, scared to wake in the wrong place – or body.

"Is this what the ceremony will be for ?" Norm asked.

Jake nodded. "You think it´s a mistake ?"

Norm shook his head without hesitation. "No. I don´t think so. It´s just…." He shrugged and made a gesture of helplessness. "Only the _idea _of getting my soul transferred makes me wet my pants, alright ? Aren´t you afraid ?"

Jake shrugged. He remembered the three of them sitting around here, listening to the bad news Max sent from the base. Making plans. He knew how frustrating it had been for Norm in the first place, watching the ex marine enter the avatar program and getting close with the Omaticaya right away. Without _any _preparation. Without knowing their language, their culture or any details at all.

Norm was the type of character Jake suspected to simply usually stand in his own way, just to stumble over his own feet the next second. Still, when things had become serious, he had decided following his guts and hadn´t hesitated a second. In some way, he reminded him of his brother, mocking him about not even knowing about the purpose of a book. Still, they had things in common. Like Jake had entered a Na´vi´s life without any preparations, Norm had jumped head over heels into a war, with nothing more than a basic training in shooting a gun and a three days preparation. He wouldn´t have needed to do this to impress Jake. Fighting at the front line was probably a rather stupid than a brave thing. Jake had been trained to do this. He had experienced several battles before. He had been able to imagine the things to come. Going to war the way Norm had done took much more balls than getting thrown into an alien culture and trying to survive.

"It feels right", he only answered.

Trudy smiled to him. "Tell me again who you think of as crazy around here!" she told him. "Still, I think I see your point."

Norm only gulped.

"Will you guys do me a favour ?" Jake looked suddenly a bit uncertain.

They nodded.

"I have no idea if this will work", he said. "I mean, it worked for Grace, so it´s not like something that has never been done before…." He sighed, then took a deep breath. "Anyway, it would be a relief it the last people I see before I get drugged would be you."

Trudy raised her eyebrows, then nodded in agreement. "We´ll be there, won´t we ?" she addressed Norm.

"Sure", the scientist answered. "Sure we´ll be."

"Great." Jake nodded. "Thanks. I´ll be the first. If everything goes like planned, they will try and re-transfer Grace back the second day."

"Come on", Trudy told him. "What else is there you want us to do ?"

Jake cursed her silently for reading him that easily. Though he had been thinking about this for days, he was desperately looking for the right words right now.

Suddenly, Norm´s jaw dropped. "What was borrowed will have to be given back", he quoted, looking upset.

"What ?" Trudy hissed.

"I will….I have to…oh good Lord!" Jake cursed.

"Would you just spill now!" Trudy demanded impatiently.

"One body will be left after the transfer", Norm stated.

"I had really never thought that I would invite people to my funeral myself", Jake muttered.

"Wow, wow, wait a sec´ ", Trudy exclaimed. "This is _sick_!"

Jake moved uncomfortably. "Look, I know…"

"This is sick!" she repeated heartily, interrupting him. She got up and left.

"Trudy!" Norm got to his feet.

"Let her go, man", Jake suggested. "´s alright. It´s an odd thing to ask for. She won´t leave us here – hopefully."

* * *

Jake and Neytiri spent the night before the gathering at the Tree of Souls. Neytiri had obviously no doubt that everything would be alright. Jake didn't dare to ask her how often things like this had been done so far. Actually, he had no doubt either, but somewhere in the darkest corner of his mind, things still felt a little bit like he had to memorize every second – just in case. Feeling his unease, she urged him softly to talk to Eywa as he had talked to her the night before the battle. "Trust her", she told him. "You´re her child. She will listen."

"When I woke at that hospital, some years ago…", he said, completely out of context, realizing that he was again using words she wouldn´t understand. "When I woke after I had been injured and taken back home", he tried again", I was told that I wasn´t able to walk or stand or only to feel my legs ever again." He clenched his fingers, completely unaware of it. "Almost two years in that fuckin´ hellhole, for nothing! To get something we had never had any right to take. I got wounded, and rescued. Brought back home." He laughed, a bitter unnerved sound. "Anyway, they told me that I wasn´t able to use my legs anymore." He half turned to look at her. "In the nights that followed, I dreamed of flying." He frowned.

"Have they been good dreams ?" she asked.

He touched her cheek, looking thoughtful. "I don´t know. There was no feeling like good or bad. They were just…" He shrugged. "They were bright, I guess. Dazzling."

He recognized the expression on her face. He had again used a word she didn´t understand.

"Like when you look into the sun", he tried to explain, looking into her eyes.

She returned his look, allowing her mind´s eye to look into his soul. It was a gift, one she had inherited from her mother and grandmother, granted by Eywa, and one she still didn't control the way her mother did.

"_I will need my body out there to bring this to an end." It had been the first thing he had told her after she had returned to the damaged lab container after sending a message for help to her people.__ "Help will come soon", she had only answered, helping him into a more comfortable position. _

Right in that moment, watching him in his wounded body, she had suddenly been able to see the warrior.

He had told them the night she had saved him in the woods that he was a warrior. Tsu´tey had mocked him for the statement and it had indeed sounded funny. A child, a clumsily moving boy in a body that looked similar, though not exactly like a Na´vi. Admittedly, she had glimpsed some of his skills before, some of them obvious from day one though she had tried hard to ignore them for a while. But he had managed things a Na´vi child would have had a whole childhood for in a short amount of time. He had tried hard to learn and he had been perseverant, after the first days wrapped in a silent kind of resignation against the inevitable shower of reproofs and rebukes to come.

She had probably have seen the warrior in him the day he had returned to them or when they had visited the other clans to unite. She had_ felt_ it in him in the last silent moment they had shared right before the final battle. _No fear_.

Well, it had possibly never been the right time to trace it. But with the adrenaline and trance of the final battle just behind them, she had seen it clearly for the first time. There had been a grim determination in him to bring things to an end, even after the heroic part was, clearly expressed by the way he held his own.

There had been a bitter restlessness in him, too, controlling the RDA´s retreat. And in the weeks following these incidents, he had compensated his lack of knowledge and experience about how to reorganize the tribe by pure zest of action. Exhausted by all the grief and horror as she had been, his courage had carried her along and it had taken her a while to realize that he was driven by the faith of doing the right thing out of the right reasons. She knew that he had worked both his bodies into exhaustion, trying to be there for her and the Omaticayan and human friends as well. He had gotten simply faith – and he did still.

He hadn´t lost as many friends and family members as she had in this short and bloody war, but he had gone through similar experiences before – watching friends fall, getting aware of the fact that they would never return afterwards. By that, it had been a shared agony, not just sympathy for things he couldn´t really understand.

Though she had met him only a short while ago, she felt like still being able to glimpse the boy in him she had never met. She realized that she still didn´t know much about his former life. But from what she knew, nothing, not war, not injury, had been able to make this boy getting down.

Jake had not been the only one who had learned to see since they had first met.

Parts assembled slowly to a whole in her mind and her smile widened – returning to the here and now, she felt that she liked the result.

Unsure how long they had just looked into each other´s eyes, he raised his eyebrows.

"What is it ?" she asked softly.

"I feel like you´re looking right into my soul", he said, stunned by the sudden feeling.

She gave him a mysterious smile, playing with a strand of his hair.

"Fool", she said softly. "O_el ngati kameie_, Jake. I see you every moment."

The smile showing up hesitantly on his face brought the easygoing boy back to her.

"I sometimes still forget. Though there are plenty of other things I would prefer to forget about first."

She knew how he felt about his past. There was not only shame and guilt. Somewhere down the road, he had reached a point where he had started to mix up reality and dream, the real and the Na´vi Jake´s life, the wish obviously father to the thought. Reality had started to feel strange and the dream amazingly real; worthlessness against a goal, so much to learn and a dream. He had finally found the right reasons worth fighting for, but in the wrong world. It had given him trouble again and again – as wishing for things one could never achieve was just against his principles. He wasn´t the guy for unrealizable dreams.

"I know you´d like to forget", she said. "Don´t let faults made bother you any longer, Jake - just remember them." She lent in to kiss him. "You may not forget about your past, Jake – it made you the man you are now."

He frowned, his ears and tail switching. "That´s easier said than done", he commented helplessly.

She only smiled. „Talk to Eywa, Jake - it helped before, remember ?" She got up to her feet when he remained silent. "I will be close."

He reached out and grabbed her hand. "Stay with me." She bent her head in agreement and found herself a place behind him to hold him in a soft embrace.


	10. Chapter 10

_author´s note - 01/17/2010 - alright, here we go! Some of my readers (thanks to you, guys!) pointed out to me by now that Jake appears more the whiny guy, at least during the first chapter. That surprised me, as it wasn´t what I had wanted to describe. So I decided to change some details there to try and make clearer what I wanted to express in the first place - which is that I in fact saw that he´s a warrior at the heart (thanks to James Cameron for that helpful description of the character!) - but I still think he was meant to be enough down to earth to see the problems explaining to the united Na´vi tribes that their hero is the disabled guy in the wheelchair - I mean, that´s actually crucial for the whole story, the avatar enabling him to things he would otherwise probably never have been able to do and achieve again. Anyway, I hope it worked and thanks for sticking around anyway! _

_

* * *

  
_

They returned to the camp the next morning and Jake found himself tired, but in high spirits. Most of the people were already busy – the place reminded him of a beehive.

"I wish I could stay and help", he told Neytiri, the things before him not that alluring by comparison.

"You can still help tomorrow." She glanced around, happiness rising in her. There was still grief around. Still pain that would take its time to get over. Losses that couldn´t be compensated. But the people around looked determined – and in a mood of cautious anticipation for the three days of the great gathering to come. Jake just found it catching.

"I wanna talk to your mother before I connect with headquarters", he told her.

They found the Tsahik together with one of the older women, sorting through some incense. Neytiri stopped and let him go first. He greeted the shaman respectfully, waiting for her attention.

"You´re ready", Mo´at said. It wasn´t a question.

Jake nodded.

"Then go", she said with a smile. "Everything will happen they way I told you."

He nodded, but hesitated.

"Something bothers you." She looked at him, thoughtful. There wasn´t fear in him, nor doubt.

She watched him frown and bite his lip while pulling himself together.

"Will you bless me, mother ?"

She looked at him in mild surprise. He had most probably talked to Eywa during the last night. Eywa´s blessing was everything needed, and every sign told that he had definitely achieved it. Still, this hadn´t been something he had asked the priestess of Eywa for. She was not only the spiritual leader, but mother to every member of the tribe. In his case, she and Eytucan had acted as his family the day he had become a man, so he had become their son as well. When he and Neytiri had mated for life, he had become their son in law in addition.

Contented, she felt that she had never been wrong about this alien – about this boy. Her mate had doubted their decision for a while, she knew, and things had indeed looked for a while as if they had been wrong. But in the end, everything had turned out right.

She let him wait for her answer and watched him twitching his ears and tail nervously under her stern look. He didn´t _need_ her blessing – but he had asked for it. He was asking for her approval, obviously as he felt he should have done that weeks before.

Mo´at finally cocked her head and exchanged a look with the woman next to her.

"You chose this woman as your mate ?" she suddenly asked. Her harsh tone made him almost flinch. Neytiri gasped behind him.

"I did", he answered, boding ill. "But…"

"And has she chosen you", she interrupted him, glancing at her daughter some steps away.

"Yes", he answered straight away, reaching out for Neytiri´s hand.

"Will you be able to feed your family ?" the shaman continued.

Jake merely nodded. The bafflement on his features turned into determination, though he looked still quite uncomfortable about her unexpected questions.

She looked at the both of them for another moment. Then she put out her hand.

"Gimme your hand", she demanded. He followed the order immediately and she reached out for her daughter´s, putting her hand in his.

"Eywa already blessed this bond", she said, slightly modifying the traditional words. "She may bless it in the future." She turned to Jake again, touching first his arms, then his shoulders. "You got _my_ blessing as well, son."

"Thank you", he mumbled, stunned by what just had happened. For once, he didn´t need anyone to explain traditions to him. Neytiri, her eyes wide, softly dragged him away.

"You were right about him", the older Na´vi woman told Mo´at. "Though their bond got tested in a way it shouldn´t have been so early."

Mo´at crossed her arms in front of her chest. "They are young", she said, watching the couple leave. "They will live through it

"The rite could have been celebrated within the next three days the traditional way", the older one stated.

"It could have", Mo´at nodded. She turned with a smile to the friend. "But he asked me now."

* * *

Neytiri dragged him behind the next tree she could find to get them out of sight, then slapped one hand against his chest in agitation. He took a step backwards, surprised, and stumbled against the tree´s trunk behind him.

"What did you do ?" she asked in agitation.

He raised his hands in a defending gesture. "I didn´t…I meant…" He took a deep breath, searching for the right words to defend himself.

She just pressed him against the trunk and kissed him. "Fool", she told him softly afterwards. "Jerk. Skxwang."

"Dork ?" he helped her out, feeling helpless against the women of this family.

"My mother really likes you, you know", she told him, beaming. Neytiri knew that her mother appreciated the way he acted on instinct.

He put his arms around her to pull her close. "She´s getting me down every time I meet her."

"She likes you", Neytiri insisted.

* * *

"What the hell have you been doing out there ?" Denise asked when he disconnected and she opened the link pod.

"Why ?" he asked, feeling dizzy.

"You should have seen your values here!" she told him, half an accuse, half worry.

"You wouldn´t believe it anyway", he only answered.

* * *

Jake looked around in surprise the moment the hangar´s doors opened. Some dark beat blasted out of the communication system´s speakers at an ear-battering level. He spotted Trudy

checking out the Samson she had chosen as a replacement for her old one. The sounds changed from obscure to spheric. The vocals, or whatever the performer suggested to be some, could have outrivaled a whole clans war cries. Fortunately, the track was mostly instrumental.

"What the hell is it with this music", he yelled as soon as he was close enough.

Trudy almost cracked her neck to check out some connections.

"Gavin´s stuff!" she shouted back.

Jake discovered the laptop on one of the large tool boxes.

"Quaritch would have had the guy executed for linking the intercom with his jukebox", Jake mused, dimming the noise.

"Oh yeah!" Trudy agreed, staring at the display of the analysis panel in her hand. She finally gave up and turned to him. She had checked every detail twice already and was on her way to do it a third time. Turning to him, she threw him a dark look.

"You shouldn´t have come here", she said bitterly.

"I am just getting used to women telling me that", he answered casually. "One of them married me this morning."

She didn't comment and put her tools back into a box. "She´s ready", she told him, referring to the helicopter.

"What about you ?"

She closed the large tool box and sat down on it. "Me too." She eyed him up. "You ?"

"Ready", he confirmed.

He had recorded his last video log. Had talked to Max and Denise. To Gavin. Had had a long conversation with Grace. Had taken care of his stuff. Had thrown a last look in the mirror before heading out of the bathroom. Everything left to do for him had been done.

Unfortunately, he was at least an hour early.

"Guy, I didn´t mean to run the other day", she said gravely.

He waved a hand. "Forget about it."

"See…." She stared down at her hands, taking a deep breath. "After all this shit that happened trough the last weeks, I just…" She broke off again, biting her lip.

„Look Trudy, I am not going to die. I´ll just switch and…"

"See, this is _bullshit_!" she interrupted harshly. "You are not dying, fine, but you´re not going to come back here." She softly nudged his arm with her fist. "See, I know what that goddamn avatar body means to you! And I mean, fine, everybody else around doesn´t seem to care, though I really don´t understand why, because I will miss _this_ Jake!" She finally looked up to face him.

"I can´t do this connecting and disconnecting thing much longer", he tried carefully to explain. "You have no idea what I´d give for one single night of undisturbed sleep. I will not have to worry about getting disconnected during a flight or a hunt or a fight any longer. And it will still be me, by the way."

She watched him for a moment, then smiled, though she looked still miserable. "Aren´t you aware of that, Jake ?"

"Aware of what ?" he inquired.

She curled her lips before she answered. "Like it or not, you´re somebody else out there. _Somehow_ the same guy – but still somehow completely different."

He reached out for her hand but she drew away. "That hasn´t to be a bad thing, man, don´t get me wrong." She sighed, staring into nowhere. "I don´t know much about this whole seeing thing, but given that I got it right so far, I think _I_ see _this_ Jake and it´s maybe nonsense, but I am scared to loose all this implies if I am not longer able to see you like this in front of me." When she turned her head, her dark eyes had filled with tears. "And burying this body is a thought I just can´t bear."

She got up to her feet the moment she couldn´t hold the tears back any longer, to embrace him from behind where the wheelchair didn´t got into her way.

Jake was unable to find any words to answer. He finally simply gave up and, covering her forearm with one of his hands, gave her time, rather spending it this way than alone.

He didn´t know how long they had been there like this when they finally heard footsteps and somebody whistling getting closer. She straightened herself, wiping away the tears. It was useless. She had cried too much as that someone could have overlooked it.

He turned to her, not letting go of her arm. "You´re still gonna stay with us there ?" he asked.

"Yeah. But I am gonna make you pay for this shit, believe me!"

He handed her something.

"What the hell´s this ?" she asked, recognizing his combat knife and watch.

"I´ll have grown out of this by tomorrow", he told her casually. "Thought you could possibly keep this for me anyway."

She stared at the items in her hands and nodded. "I think I can do that."

"Good", he said with a nod.

She smiled at him. "Denise said something about you having gotten married this morning", she changed the subject, stashing her backpack under a seat. "I would really have preferred to be invited to your marriage than to your funeral."

He chuckled. "That came as a surprise to me, too. I think it´s what you get when you´re trying to be polite to your mother in law."

She chuckled, too, sounding a little better again. "You are the crazy one around here!" she told him. "Not me."

Gavin had almost reached them and Trudy glanced around nervously now.

"I really would have liked to see Quaritch and Mo´at meet in person", Jake stated, picking up her sunglasses from the box she had placed the laptop on and handing them over to her.

"Thanks." She grabbed them and put them on. She had met the Tsahik several times during her recovery at the Na´vi camp and had been as impressed as Jake. "She would simply have stared the guy down, I guess."

He touched her wrist again – obviously a side effect of his Na´vi life. "When the gathering´s over and you´re able to walk in your avatar´s body, I want to show you something – make up for this shit. You´re in ?"

She frowned for a second, then nodded. "I´m in."

"Hey !" Gavin called. "They´re here. You´re coming ?"

"On our way", Trudy answered. Turning to Jake, she threw him a dark look.

"Don´t dare and tell the boys I cried!"


	11. Chapter 11

_First of all, thanks again for all your reviews and messages, it´s very encouraging! _

_I am sorry for using weird expressions as well as for any spelling mistakes and stuff – I do my best, but there are still too many things for which I have no idea how to express them in English – that´s the disadvantage of not being a native speaker. _

_Referring to that, I really enjoyed Extant´s review (thanks for that !) – I barely manage to let my characters speak halfway right __at all, so I think I should be somehow honoured that I achieved letting Mo´at sound like the "stereotypical black grandmother" ;-) I didn´t plan on letting her sound that way (and wasn´t aware of her sounding like that, either, as I am not aware of how the stereotypical grandmother would speak at all ;-) ). But honestly speaking, though I didn´t mention that, I thought of them speaking Na´vi at this moment as well as in this chapter, anyway._

_I also really regret that I am not able to copy Trudy´s "slang" – as I said, I am glad I got them talking at all ;-)_

_

* * *

_ "It´s alright. You can still be sedated if we reach the camp", Denise contradicted.

"I don´t want to be sedated there!" Jake insisted hotheadedly. „I want this done _here_ – _before_ – we - leave!"

"Look, I will need a much smaller dose if I sedate you there", Denise reasoned. "There will be side effects…"

"There _won´t_ be side effects!" he interrupted her. As he would hopefully never wake up in his human body again. She blushed.

"There is plenty of time", Neytiri mentioned softly. „And I think it might be easier if you´re still awake during the flight, no ?"

"For heaven´s sakes!" he exclaimed angrily. He looked up to her. She was twice as tall compared to a human anyway, but with him forced to look up to her from his sitting position, she was simply out of reach for him. "I am sorry", he added, addressing all of them. "I´d just like to pass out here. Like I always did. Pass out here, wake up there." With the small difference that he had booked a one way ticket this time. "I know it´s probably quite inconvenient."

Denise frowned. "It´s your decision, Jake."

He sighed. "Fine. So, you guys all ready ?" They nodded. Neytiri and another hunter had arrived to guide the helicopters, Trudy to the new camp with Grace and Jake, Gavin to the new mobile lab they had carefully hidden in some distance of the camp with Max and Grace´s human form and Norm´s avatar. It would enable the avatar operators to switch easier and closer to the camp.

Grace gave him only a short nod. Norm felt obviously distraught, but struggled for a concentrated look.

Jake sighed. „Then let´s go!" he said. Denise stepped aside to allow him to change from the wheelchair to the cot next to him. Neytiri silently realized again how easily he managed to move despite his handicap.

"Shoot!" Trudy muttered, stepping forward to hug him. He grinned at her. She was still wearing her sunglasses.

Denise had prepared the injection. He laid back, watching his mate while Denise injected the sedative. If things would go right, he would pass out watching her in this body and wake watching her in another one – without using a link this time. Out of a sudden impulse, Neytiri reached out for his hand.

"See you, folks!" he muttered.

* * *

Mo´at looked over the clearing in front of the Tree of Souls. Everyone seemed to have found the right place. Last words were whispered before the rite begun. A kind of awestruck commotion was in the air. She was proud of every single one of their people around.

She nodded to the oldest of the three young women who sat right next to where she stood. She intoned a short song, her voice clear and to be heard all over the place. When she stopped, the gathered people had fallen silent. Neytiri, who had been sitting to the singer´s left, got up to join a small group close nearby.

"A while ago", Mo´at spoke up, "a stranger came here to learn."

She looked over her gathered people, then nodded to the warriors waiting to her right for her sign.

"The day he was ready," she continued, "he was reborn and found his place among the people."

The gathered Na´vi watched in silence while the warriors carefully lifted a motionless Na´vi body carefully. They bedded the unconscious brother gently on the ground in front of the Tsahik.

"Eywa tested the man´s heart", Mo´at continued. "And the day it was done, he returned to us as Toruk Makto." The beginning of a smile played around the shaman´s mouth. She hadn´t been wrong about this boy - though she herself had, up to some point, almost lost trust in her own abilities.

She nodded to another group, waiting to her left. She watched patiently while they approached. Trudy had decided to wear what the Na´vi woman looking after her had crafted for her during her recovery. Still unsure in the borrowed Na´vi body, she had decided not to press her luck and to witness this in her own body. Norm followed her, carrying Jake´s motionless human body like a child´s on his avatar´s arms. He looked as concentrated as emotional. Grace, still in her avatar´s body as well, followed.

Mo´at raised her voice again, to be heard all over the place.

"Jakesully has once become a son of the Omaticaya. He earned his place among the people the same way our ancestors have earned theirs for generations." She looked at her daughter who had returned to her place between the two other women, waiting to lead the singing. The second escort bedded the much smaller body they had guarded besides the avatar.

"The foundling found a family."

Mo´at took a step towards the two motionless bodies.

"This man asks Eywa to test him one last time", she announced. "Jakesully is asking Eywa to become her son as well, as he has offered his life to protect her children."

"May Eywa test your heart one last time and fulfil your fate", she said, bending down to touch both bodies. She remained a moment that way, listening to Eywa, tracing the goddess´ will. Contended, she straightened up again.

"This is Toruk Makto", she said. "The son we know as Jakesully. Join me, my people, to make the request."

The Na´vi as well as the human friend´s stepped aside to find their places.

For a second, there was silence. Neytiri´s eyes found the faces of the human friends and she bent her head in a gracious nod. Norm and Grace would join the rite like all the other Na´vi around. The humans, placed between them and other clan members, would not be shut out though they were not possible to link the same way the Na´vi could. For Trudy, this gesture alone was just overwhelming enough.

* * *

To Norm, the chanting and singing lasted endlessly. Scientist or not, there seemed to be some kind of magic in this. Some kind of deep solidarity he had never experienced before. Unlike Grace, he had established tsa´helu before, though only with a horse. That alone had been an amazing experience. But to be allowed to join such a rite, connecting in such a way with all the people around them and their ancestors, was just mind blowing. Intoning the words of the invocation like he had done it a hundred times before, his eyes went to Grace. The last time he had witnessed this ceremony, they had lost a friends´ former shell and almost her soul. This time, things lay different. This time, cutting lose the soul was the purpose.

The mesmerizing singing ended abruptly as the Na´vi followed the Tsahik´s sign.

Mo´at nodded to Neytiri. Her daughter got up and approached the bodies.

Neytiri rounded the avatar slowly, but only to get past it. Reaching Jake´s human form, she gazed up to her mother for an instant. Norm felt Grace´s fingers clench almost painfully into his shoulder. He would have liked to cover her hand with his, but didn´t dare to break the contact to Trudy and trough her to the Na´vi right next to them. The pilot´s lips formed a silent plea.

Neytiri loosened the straps of Jake´s mask, taking it gently away from his face. She bent forward to kiss his temples. Grace´s grip tightened in a way that would leave marks, but Norm didn´t even feel it.

"May Eywa´s son wake", Mo´at said lowly.

Neytiri left the human body and paced over to the Na´vi body in front of her.

"How can she be that calm "? Norm whispered to Grace, wishing he could see the friends face.

"She _believes_", Grace only murmured.

Moments stretched into eternity.

Neytiri touched the avatar´s face. Norm would have given everything to be able to glance at the friend´s face. He struggled hard not to flick his tail and break the link by that.

Then there it was. A small movement. Muscles straightening as the sleeper woke.

Jake breathed. Cautiously. Carefully. Not daring to look around at first.

His eyes still closed, he took a breath. Listened. The impressions coming back to him were the ones experienced with a Na´vi´s senses. He would never be mistaken about this.

When he opened his eyes, he looked at his mate. He raised a hand, following its movement with his eyes. Five fingers where only four would have belonged - if he had been born a Na´vi. Still...azure. Skin in the colour of the sky. He closed his eyes again the moment his fingertips touched her face, and he felt tears rising.

Skin coloured in shades of blue.

"You returned", Neytiri whispered. "You went through the eye of Eywa and returned!"

He looked up to her, his sight slightly blurred. "I would have gone through hell and back to return to you", he whispered back.

Grace took a deep breath besides Norm. Trudy gave a low groan of relief. Whatever might have been spoken between Neytiri and Jake got overdrawn by a mix of cheering sounds and war cries when the friend slowly got to his feet. It made Norm´s blood froze instantly. "Thank God he made it", he muttered. "Better thank Eywa", Grace recommended lowly.

* * *

Jake touched his human body. His own skin felt still warm under his fingers. It felt strange. The day he had been told that he was not longer able to walk, he had felt more dead than right now, watching his former shell.

"What was borrowed shall be given back", he said, addressing the Tsahik.

She nodded to him. "We will wait", she stated simply. The gathered people had struck up what he had heard too often within the last weeks. He knew it was an elegy, but this one sounded surprisingly happy. Na´nit, the talented singer, lead the choral, smiling to him and Neytiri.

He glanced at her at his side. Then lifted up the human body. Some of the people followed. The human friends. Some of the Na´vi. The same number of both groups. Life meant balance.

They buried his body silently, with his belongings – at least the ones he had picked for this. With all the Omaticayan friends brought to bid the dreamwalker farewell. He knew them by now. Tsey´set, who had become a comrade in arms and a friend. Sha´el and Garican, who had chosen their Ikran the same day he had. Tecan, who had crafted his first bow. Neytiri – who had taught him to see.

The human friends looked grave. Still, composed. Norm a little desperate, Trudy somehow obstinate - as if she was trying again not to show her emotions openly. Gavin and Max looked a little helpless. Jake couldn´t read in Grace´s expression. She looked as if she was going to cross her arms in front of her every moment to tell him off again - but he would have bet that she was only pretending.

* * *

The gathered people fell silent the moment the small procession returned. There had been a low humming before, a sound both solemn and joyful. Jake glanced over them, feeling reassured. They had chosen to celebrate this rite for him. It had been the decision of every single one of them to join the adoration in his name.

The others fell behind while Neytiri and Jake returned to the Tsahik.

"Son", Mo´at said, welcoming Jake back. "Mother", he answered, bowing his head a little.

"You returned to us", she said. "And you gave back what was borrowed." She smiled to him.

The shaman let her gaze wander over the gathered Na´vi. "We had to fight for our lives and our world", she said. "We lived through a time of loss and agony. And we found a new home for our children to live at." She gestured to Jake. "Now it is time to nominate a new leader."

His ears twitching, Jake turned to address the people gathered on the clearing. He looked around and finally found who he had been looking for. He exclaimed the friend´s name.

Tsey´set sat just some steps away, his mate right next to him. He turned to Jake, stunned.

"Step forward," the Tsahik demanded, adressing the surprised warrior.

Amazed, he followed the order.

The moment Tsey´set stepped to their side, Jake gestured to him to face the people in front of them. "I came here to learn", he said. "And I was taught to see. I offered my life to fight our enemies, as it was everything I had to give in return."

He raised his voice. "I will challenge the Toruk at all times to defend my people."

Neytiri smiled for a second when he almost stumbled over the words.

Jake turned to Tsey´set and reached out to touch his left shoulder with his right hand. "I wasn't born a child of Eywa. I am her child now." He paused.

"What the hell is he doing ?" Norm whispered to Grace.

"I still see this world through a child´s eyes."

The two Na´vi warriors looked in each other´s eyes. "Tell me, brother", Jake demanded, "will you lead our people ?"

He watched surprise and disbelief appear and vanish on his brother´s face. Seconds passed. Silence fell all over the place.

Tsey´set finally straightened. "Is this the will of Toruk Makto ?" he asked.

Jake nodded gravely. "It is."

Tsey´set put his right hand to Jake´s forearm. "Then I will, brother", he said.

"The bastard´s passing on the lead", Trudy muttered, her words getting drowned by the cheering around.

The newly nominated leader finally found some words to address his people, but Grace didn´t get them. Tsey´set´s mate had joined Neytiri, Jake and Tsey´set. Watching the two couples and the Tsahik, Grace had to admit once again that she had underestimated the marine. Somewhere in the future, Neytiri would follow her mother as the spiritual leader as Tsey´set had followed her father as a leader right now. They would make a good pair in leadership. Jake would always have a special status, and thanks to his crazy idea of riding the Toruk, it would not only be for his alien ancestors and stealing the heiress of the Omaticaya from Tsu´tey. As Tsey´set had already chosen a life mate, there wouldn't be any problem with the fact that Neytiri couldn´t bond with him. And Jake woulnd´t have to fear to be challenged again and again as the alien claiming leadership.

This boy had managed things within months they hadn´t been able to achieve in years.

Grace cursed the fool in a wheelchair who had come to this planet as a sub, just to turn everything upside down. She cursed her own Na´vi body she had been transferred to the same way, though not out of will but to save her life. She cursed the undescribable wave of feelings and impressions she had experienced during the shared rite and afterwards.

Trudy next to her was glad she wasn´t the one in tears this time.

* * *

_I thought a lot about this chapter. I changed a lot, only to change a lot back__. Maybe I´ll change it again – but again, sometimes things should possibly just be published the way they had been written and meant to be in the first place, so here it is !_

_Hope you´ll enjoy it anyway!_


	12. Chapter 12

**_author´s note :_**

I already mentioned at the beginning of the first chapter that I see this whole story more than a collection of scenes about how the remaining humans on Pandora might get along there. So I am sorry if things might happen a little too abruptly - but I hope you won´t mind!

I decided to write some more stuff about Trudy and Norm, and it´s Trudy´s turn today. I thought about this chapter and the following one for a while and I hope, things didn´t got too much out of character - though it may seem so in this chapter!

Please enjoy and review!

**_

* * *

_**

"…by tomorrow. If the weather´s good…." Neytiri stopped talking and followed Jake´s gaze. They were both up to their feet immediately.

"What happened?" Jake asked, approaching Ey´até and Trudy. The two of them had left the camp early in the morning for some exercise for Trudy. Ey´até threw his Na´vi brother a dark look. He had obviously carried her the whole way home. "She fell", he only answered.

"Put me back to my feet", Trudy told the Na´vi carrying her. Her voice sounded strange. Ey´até simply ignored her.

"You´re alright ?" Jake addressed Trudy. There were bloody scratches all over her body. Admittedly, Ey´até looked a little deranged as well.

"Are you alright ?" Jake repeated.

She looked devastated. "Yeah", she only answered.

Ey´até took her to one of the women experienced in treating wounds. Jake realized that it was the same who had watched Trudy during her recovery right after the battle. She didn´t ask many questions, only ordered a younger woman to get her what she needed.

Jake stared down at Trudy for a moment, then turned to Ey´até, who had taken some steps away from them. Somebody had handed him a water bag.

The two men had become friends by now though Jake couldn´t tell about the Na´vi warrior´s reasons for it. Ey´até didn´t talk much. But he was a dare devil at an Ikran´s back and like a ghost out in the woods, almost melting into his surroundings when out there. For some reason, he had obviously not had too many prejudices against Jake. In fact, he had been one of the first offering to let Jake join his hunting party. He hadn´t cared much for Tsu´tey´s bitter comment on that back then. But Jake had found that the guy rarely showed his emotions as openly as the others. Ey´até had as well been one of the warriors they had talked to right before the battle, explaining the weaknesses of the sky people´s aircrafts and the strategies Trudy and Jake had worked out to attack them. Still, his offer to take Trudy with him from time to time had come as a surprise.

"What the hell happened ?" Jake asked.

"She sprained her ankle. The rest are scratches."

Jake narrowed his eyes. He hadn´t asked for possible injuries. "You said she fell ? From a tree ?"

Ey´até turned to him. "From a tree", he confirmed.

"_Why_?"

"Jake ?" Trudy called from behind them. Jake turned.

"What ?"

"Take me back to Hell´s gate."

He frowned. "We can take care of you here as well", he answered.

"Please!" she said, her voice hollow.

"You want me to call Max to disconnect you ?"

"I want you to take me back to Hell´s gate!"

Jake realized that she obviously wanted him to take the avatar back there. He glanced at Ey´até besides him. "What happened out there ?" he asked again.

Ey´até kept a straight face. "She slipped. That´s all." He padded Jake on the shoulder. "Children tend to fall from time to time." With a short nod to him and an even shorter look at Trudy, he left.

* * *

"So what is eyat´tow thing you told me about ?" Norm asked. "Will I have to risk my life again today or just my pride ?"

Jake noticed that the friend looked more curious than scared. He padded his shoulder with a grin. "Never heard of that ?" he teased the scientist, repeating the deeply sarcastic question Norm had asked him several times before when he had just proved his lack of knowledge again. Norm only grimaced.

"It´s a girl´s thing", Jake finally explained.

"A girl´s thing ?" Norm raised his eyebrows.

"Silent now!" Jake urged. Norm, trying hard not to cause any sound, bit his lip.

Jake peered around. "Over there", he whispered, pointing to a nearby leafy branch.

"Whatever", Norm whispered, but Jake stopped him from taking the direct way there.

"We better make a detour!" he advised.

The moment they got to the place Jake had picked, Norm caught his breath.

At first look, he had barely been able to see anything through the leaves. A closer look made him understand.

Some feet beneath them, a group of women had entered a small pond. The water shimmered in a mysterious reddish colour. There was some chattering. Some of the women swam, some of them were busy braiding beads and feathers into each other´s hair.

„They say there´s something in the water that´s good for the skin or something", Jake muttered.

"We shouldn´t be here, should we ?" Norm asked.

Jake´s eyes followed Neytiri. She whispered something to Ay´lel, Tsu´tey´s niece. The drops of water shimmering on the skin of her arms and shoulders made her just look more beautiful.

"Oh, don´t worry." Jake glanced around, then pointed to another place right across their own. On the first look, there was again nothing but leaves. On the second, Norm discovered patches of blue skin over there as well.

Jake watched the friend blush. "I assume they know they are watched ?" Norm inquired.

Jake shrugged and chuckled. "I think so."

"I don´t feel comfortable about this", Norm murmured.

Jake turned to him, eyebrows raised.

"You´d better take the chance! Half these girls would most probably only snarl at you and try to scratch your eyes out if you´d watch them in public! This is _allowed_! Somehow, at least."

"It´s weird!" Norm insisted, peering through the leaves nevertheless. Dreams of well curved long legged female bodies had dominated quite a number of his dreams recently. Quite disturbing for the human in him, female bodies of twice his own human size, with catlike movements and huge bright eyes.

"Whatever", Jake answered. "I like it!"

Norm lent forward further and struggled for balance for an instant.

Jake reached out to steady him. "Watch them or not!" he advised. "But do both of us a favour and don´t fall out of the tree!" He found himself a more comfortable position to sit, then addressed Norm again. "What about Trudy ? You said there´s a problem ?"

Norm had eyed up some of the women down there, but his eyes seemed to return to Ay´lel on their own every time he looked away from her.

"I am not sure if it´s only one. She´s getting frustrated", he told Jake. "Quite unnerved. She doesn´t get enough sleep and she works with Gavin all day moving stuff around and modifying things, gettings these mining pits blasted and God knows what else they are doing. On the other hand, she´s trying hard to make progress controlling the avatar but things haven´t gone so well the last days, mainly ´cause she´s dead tired most of the time."

"You tried to talk to her ?"

Norm sighed. "I tried. But she wouldn´t accept advise from me. What about her training out here ?"

"Ey´até didn´t mention any problems before last week´s little accident." Jake frowned.

"Yeah, not that Ey´até ever said much about anything", Norm commented, hitting the nail on the head. "But I got the feeling that Trudy has stopped talking, too. I mean…she greets and answers… " He raised his hands in a helpless gesture. "It´s a mess, Jake! Don´t get me wrong, but I think things wouldn´t have gone this way if you were still there."

Jake felt taken aback. He admittedly preferred his friends visiting them in the woods from visiting them at Hell´s Gate. And Trudy had found many excuses for not getting out to the jungle since he had switched.

Norm sighed. "Last time she connected and had the avatar back at headquartes, must have been last Friday, I think…." He realized Jake´s frowning. The friend had given up on counting human week days. "Well, some days ago, she did quite good. The sprained ankle had healed and everything looked just fine! Then Gavin teased her a little and she went after him. She had almost reached him when she stumbled…" Norm observed the women quite attentively by now. The sight made Jake grin.

"Well, whatever", the scientist continued. "She fell. Went down badly. Nothing bad about it! Gavin just wanted to help her up, but she totally freaked out. Shouted at Gavin and Denise that she´s had enough of that puppet show. She disconnected right after that and hasn´t linked again since then. I think she´s serious. She has been in this dark mood for weeks now."

"Did she tell you about what happened the day she sprained her ankle ?"

Norm finally managed to look away from the women and threw Jake a curious look. "No. She told you ?"

Jake shook his head. "No. But I start to think she better had!"

"So what do we do ?" Norm asked.

Jake sighed. "Talk to Grace", he suggested. "I´ll talk to Trudy."

* * *

"No way!" Trudy insisted.

"Come on, Trudy! That´s ridiculous! You had a bad day – whatever! Don´t push yourself so hard! We´re not in a hurry! "

He followed her to the hangar, carefully not to knock his head on too low doorframes.

"Forget about it. It makes no sense."

"You made progress! Things didn´t went as quickly as you would have wanted them to go, fine! But that´s no reason to give up."

She turned to him. "Look, Sully, this might have made sense for you, and I am happy for you. It doesn´t make sense for me and that´s it! I don´t wanna try any further!"

She turned towards the Samson.

"How can you say that ?" he asked, stunned.

He reached out and touched her shoulder, careful as her human body was so much smaller than his Na´vi. "If you stop trying, you´ll be lost out there!"

She moved aside, breaking with his touch. "You don´t say", she answered lowly. She looked up to him. "No offense, man – but stop harassing me!"

"What are you telling me ?" he snapped, feeling helpless.

"I tell you to leave me alone!" she snapped back.

"There´s so much to see and do for you out there!"

There was again the Na´vi speaking out of him. Under different circumstances, she might have smiled at that. Right now, she just snarled. "This place isn´t made for humans, Jake."

"You think you should have returned to Earth ?" he asked, speaking out what had just crossed his mind.

She looked up to him again. "You may have been an exceptional case, Jake, but people come to Pandora for a reason."

He remained silent. They had never talked about it, but she was right. People had come here for a reason. Ex-soldiers, mercs. People who had nothing to lose – and most probably nothing to return to.

"Don´t give up now!" he told her softly.

"I am not made for this", she responded lowly. "And besides, you would have to find me a new instructor!"

Jake frowned. "Why ?"

Trudy looked up from the tools in her hands. "Ey´até didn´t tell you ?" she asked.

"He didn´t."

Trudy turned her back on him, though she was quite surprised. "Doesn´t matter anyway", she only muttered.

"Why the hell are the two of you making a fuckin´ secret out of this ?" Jake asked, losing patience.

Trudy turned to him, losing nerve as well. "Why are you not listening to me and leave me the hell alone!"

* * *

Later that day, Jake found Ey´até close to the river next to the camp, on watch. He greeted the older warrior and Ey´até gestured to him to sit.

"I need your help", Jake told him forthrightly. "It´s about Trudy."

Ey´até kept a straight face. Another short gesture told Jake that he was going to listen.

"Would you…mind telling me what happened the day she fell ?"

"I already did", Ey´até told him.

Jake wrinkled his nose. This conversation would probably end even less helpful than his last one with Trudy. "Have you seen her ever since ?"

The Na´vi only shook his head. The two men looked at each other for a moment.

Ey´até, though not remarkably smaller than most of the other Omaticayan man, was of a slightly different built. His shoulders and chest a bit broader, his muscles a bit stronger defined, his whole appearance looked more massive. Jake would not have been able to put a finger on the differences if he had never met Na´vi from the other clans. It had finally been Ey´até´s slightly sharper facial features that had given him away. He looked more like the Na´vi living along the coast. When Jake had asked Neytiri for it, she had confirmed that his mother had become an Omaticaya when he had still been a boy, following an Omaticayan man to his tribe.

Possibly, Ey´até had felt a little bit like an alien as well when he had come here. Possibly, he himself had had to stand his ground back then himself, just like Jake had to do it later on, and as Trudy had to do right now.

"We were to meet two days ago", Ey´até told Jake finally. "But she didn´t show up."

"She didn´t come for the eyat´tow yesterday, either." Jake groaned in frustration. "She told me today that she´s not going to link with the avatar again. I don't know what to do. It´s just not her!"

"I agree", Ey´até simply answered.

"She says she´s not made for this and that she´s not able to learn everything she´d need. I think she´s afraid she won´t learn to see."

Ey´até threw him a questioning look.

"But she already _saw _before the attack!"Jake exclaimed, unnerved by the girl´s stubbornness.

Ey´até let the back of his head rest against the tree´s trunk behind him, considering. "Her fear makes her blind." He gave a short sound of disapproval. "She´s aware that she can´t see – but she´s not aware of the reasons. We had an argument the day she fell. She wanted me to teach her how to fight instead of how to hunt. She fell while she was running away from me."

Jake´s jaw dropped. "While she was _what_ ?"

* * *

_// - Flashback - //_

_„You need to focus."_

_Trudy sighed. She was quite unnerved. _

_"I know." She threw the Na´vi at her side an apologizing look; he kept a straight face, as usual. _

_She prepared to draw the bow again, but the string slipped from between her almost numb fingers. He reached out for the bow and arrow. "Enough for today." _

_"I´d like to get this done at least one time properly today!" Trudy insisted. Her harsh tone surprised him. He cocked his head, watching her. _

_"You´re tired", he stated. _

_"You don´t say!" she snarled. _

_Ey´até remembered for a moment the day they had first met. Jake had brought them to the camp after he had arrived on the Toruk´s back. He had asked the Na´vi for help for the deadly wounded Grace. It had been necessary to bring her human body to the tree of souls._

_Trudy had navigated the aircraft. Ey´até had seen her before, observing the scientists on their trips to the jungle, but he had never really looked at her before. There had been no reason. She had always landed carefully and had rarely left the iron bird. _

_Back on that day, she had been worrying for the friend. Still, she had managed the difficult flight without any mistakes. _

_His fingers closed around the bow´s wood. "Enough for today", he repeated. _

_"One – more – try", she insisted._

_She stared at him, her eyes narrowed, the expression on her face grim. He returned her stare,oviously unimpressed. _

_The human woman had decided to fight with the Na´vi and she had proven bravery. _

_"Do you know what happens to Na´vi children not listening to their teachers ?" he asked. _

_Not caring if he was just teasing or serious, she threw the warrior a murderous glance. Then let go of the bow. _

_She had also proven bravery during her recovery at the Na´vi camp._

_"We´ll try again if you´re less tired", he said._

_Right now, she only showed some inadequate stubbornness._

_"Yeah", she muttered simply. _Whenever that would be.

_"There is no reason for you to be discontented." _

_He watched the muscles of her shoulders and back tighten. She turned to him._

_"I see the reasons for it every fuckin´ time I look at the children around!" she answered angrily._

_"They have a whole childhood to learn – you are not used to these things."_

_"But I am used to being able to defend myself!" she barked. "And I don´t feel able to defend myself in this body !"_

_She fell silent, but didn´t turn away or look somewhere else this time. Her expression changed remarkably. She looked quite vulnerable for a second._

_"We should return", he told her, gesturing to her to go first. "Find us a way."_

_She grabbed her stuff and went first. She would get lost within minutes anyway, and she felt too strained to argue any further. _

_"Look, why can´t we change the plan and you teach me how to defend myself first ?"_

_"Na´vi learn first to hunt and then how to fight." _

_She turned her head to him._

_"That will be very helpful if I get killed by the first animal out there ´cause I had no idea if it´s dangerous or not! And I bet people getting lost into the woods only rarely die of hunger!"_

_Still looking at him, she stumbled. _

_"Watch your step", he advised her drily. "It takes much longer to become a warrior than a hunter", he reasoned then._

_"Believe me", she muttered, "sky people learn nothing faster than how to kill!"_

_He looked at the agitated woman in front of him. She behaved stubborn and defiant, but it was obvious that her emotions got much deeper. _

_"You need to learn things from the start", he told her._

_His never ending patience drove Trudy just furious._

_"Just gimme the short version!" she snapped, stopping in her tracks. "I need to survive!"_

_She looked around, irritated. _

_"Get up into a tree and orientate if you´re losing direction", he ordered. _

_"Can´t you just get us home ?" _

_"You won´t even try ?"_

_She took a deep breath. "Look – I am tired. I am frustrated. And I don´t have the _slightest_ idea how to find the way home! Please take the lead!" It sounded still more than an order than as a plea._

_He grabbed the lower branch of a tree and brought himself up to it. _

_"Complaining won´t help you. You have to try."_

_He bent forward and held out his hand. "Come up here and I´ll show you." _

_She looked up to him, then up to the top of the tree. Her sense of balance had improved, but climbing up trees felt still not quite tempting. _

_Finding the way home _is_ about surviving." He helped her up to him. "Get up a little bit higher."_

_She grimaced. _

_"You´re going first", he ordered again. Sighing, she reached out for another branch. She had made it up to quite a level when one her hands slipped. Without him behind her to catch her, she would unevitably have fallen._

_"I am tired of this", she muttered._

_"You´ll learn. Children fall from time to time." _

_"See!" she barked. "That´s the problem! I am – not – a child! I am a grownup! I went to battle with you !"_

_"You need to…" _

_Trudy´s rage took her over the edge._

_"I have enough of this! You hear me ?! " She closed her eyes for a second, only to hurry to open them as it made her feel just more insecure and shaky. "I am done here! This fuckin´ green hell scares the hell out of me! Teach me how to survive out here or don´t teach me at all!" _

_He remained silent, his only reaction to her outbreak a raising of his eyebrows. He hadneer had a doubt that the girl was able of developing quite a temper, but she had never freaked out this way when alone with him or during her recovery with the Na´vi. _

_Her agitation got the better of her. She panicked. _

_"Calm down!" he told her, watching her struggling for balance. _

_She started to get back down to the ground again._

_"Stay with me!" he barked. _

_"Go to hell", she muttered, hurrying further down. _

_Only instants later, her fingers slipped from another branch. _

_* * *_

Ey´até cocked his head, watching Jake considering.

"Any advise ?" the former dreamwalker asked.

Ey´até smiled weakly, a rather rare and weird looking sight. "If she´s has lost the will to learn, there´s only one way - find her a reason to reconsider!"


	13. Chapter 13

Grace laughed, throwing Jake a wry look.

"I am not a psychologist, Jake!" She shook her head. "Actually, we both know that I am not very good with people at all, don´t we."

"Whatever", Jake answered. "But we have to do _something._"He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Besides, I think you are very good with Na´vi at least."

It earned him another wry look, this time with her eyebrows raised. "Was that some kind of compliment, Sully ?"

He grinned. "Some kind of." Reaching out for one of the souvenirs she had brought to her quarters at Hell´s Gate, he sighed. "So what are we gonna do ?"

Grace watched the Na´vi warrior in front of her turning the rare rock sample in his hands. She would never ever have expected to have one of them visiting her in her private quarters. She would never have expected this warrior to be a former avatar either.

"Did Neytiri suggest anything ?"

He looked up from the stone in his hand. "She recommends I am taking Trudy home."

Grace put her hands to her hips. _"What ?"_

Jake frowned. "Neytiri felt that Trudy had started to feel home with the tribe during the weeks of her recovery." He put the stone away, already looking around for the next thing to occupy his hands with. "I mean, she´s right to some point – she made some friends there. She insisted on learning the language, as she couldn´t do much else, and as soon as she was able to walk again, she joined us…them…." He broke off and rolled his eyes. "She joined the mourning rites and stuff….Neytiri thinks she felt more comfortable there than here, besides all circumstances."

"You agree ?"

He flicked his tail nervously. "Honestly, I don´t know. And I have no idea how I could try and convince her to try at least!"

Grace suddenly smiled to him. "Can´t you really think of anything ?"

* * *

„Alright, man - so how far is this place ?"

Jake chuckled. She had managed not to ask for about an hour now – but had finally lost patience.

"Not far anymore." He glanced around and gestured towards a steep face close to them. "Just up there."

She stopped walking. "Are you crazy, Jake ? My legs will simply already fall off right now, not to talk from the way home and you want me to _climb _? I barely manage to walk without stumbling over my own feet."

Jake turned to her, putting the prey had had just shot down for a moment. "Come on, there´s progress. Besides, you learned speaking Na´vi probably faster than Norm did. There had to be _something_ you´re not that fast with."

"_Walking_ of all things ?" she snarled.

"You promised not to complain today!" he reminded her, laughing while he went on.

She followed. "I am serious! I can´t climb a fuckin´ rock."

"I am with you."

"Ha !" she exclaimed. "Is that meant to reassure me ?"

"There´s an easier way up from the other side."

"Means we got to round that thing ?"

Jake rolled his eyes and quickened his pace.

"What´s the hurry ?" Trudy yelled behind him.

Jake turned to her to throw her a smile. "I hoped you wouldn´t have enough air to continue griping."

They marched on. She didn´t complain, but panted hard. He knew how exhausting things had been for him during his first days and weeks and finally slowed down a little to let her catch up.

"You alright ?"

Bending forward, she put her hands to her thighs, breathing deeply.

She gestured weakly towards the small deer he carried. "I am a pilot, not a foot soldier! And I hope you planned to have this thing for lunch! I am starving!"

He only smiled when she looked up to him. "Right now, you just look like the most pissed Na´vi woman I´ve ever seen." His smile changed into a mischievous grin. "And it´s a shame, you know, ´cause the rest of you looks pretty good!"

She didn´t answer and only raised her eyebrows.

They finally reached the top of the rock. The view opening in front of them was just stunning. Jake gave a low shrill sound of anticipation. Still, a low grumpy voice at the back of her head asked Trudy if she had been dragged across the jungle for hours just for what she had seen so often before from a Samson.

She sat down, stretching long, well-shaped blue legs. He found himself a place right next to her. Trudy watched him for a moment. He had sat down with the grace and the seriousness of a Na´vi warrior first, legs crossed. Then, after a second of considering, he stretched out with the careless movements of a human. Wearing traditional Na´vi armlets, feathers braided into his hair and together with the traditional lack of clothing, it was a strange thing to see the human shine through – but regarding her fear of losing the human Jake after the great rite, she felt grateful for it.

She remembered Norm complaining about the avatar´s training some days before – he had definitely suffered from sore muscles and hurt pride again. "Don´t worry!" Jake had told him. "Things will already work better tomorrow, you´ll see!" "I will not be able to move tomorrow _at all_!" Norm had answered in frustration. Jake had left afterwards and Norm had stayed with Trudy, grumpily staring at the friend´s back. _"Where the hell did the bastard get all these muscles ?" Trudy had only laughed. "I guess he trained." She had smiled to him. "Look at the bright side, Norm! If your muscles grow the way they are aching right now, you´ll be catching up in no time!" _But besides all jokes, Norm had been right after all – Jake had gained muscles in this body and he definitely drew some attention, alien or not. She wondered if the guy was aware of it.

"You didn´t make me marching through landscape for hours to get yourself a sunbath here, did you ?" she asked after a while.

He laughed lowly. "No. If you got any patience left, now´s the time to use it." He grabbed the bag he had brought with him and handed her something to eat. She looked curious, but didn´t ask for further explanations – there would still be enough time for this after lunch.

She had barely finished the last piece of the jerky he had handed her when he reached out for her wrist. "What the hell you´re doing ?" she asked, watching him tying some kind of rope to her wrist.

"I don´t wanna lose you on our way." She watched him tying the rope to his own wrist, letting both of them enough space to move around freely.

Trudy stopped chewing. "What the hell are you up to ?" she demanded to know.

Jake glanced around, then turned back to her. "I am making amends."

"You would better have tied me to you before we left the camp then, no ?" she enquired, raising her eyebrows.

A sound made him turn around. Trudy didn´t discover the source at first, still unused to the enhanced hearing.

The first low sound was followed by a shriek that set her teeth on edge.

Jake picked up the prey and positioned it closer to the rock´s edge. Trudy, bonded to him literally, forced to follow. He stepped back again and checked on the knots he had made.

"You got to be kiddin´", was everything Trudy managed to tell him.

"Step back and don´t look into her eyes."

"You _are_ kiddin´, no ?" She touched Jake´s forearm.

"Take some more steps back", he only advised.

The Toruk landed with a powerful move, the large claws leaving deep marks where they hit the ground. The oversized dragonlike creature snatched the prey, wings still outspread. The hunter devoured the small animal quickly. Jake stepped slowly forward. "Liked the snack ?" he commented casually.

He stopped when the rope between him and Trudy straightened. The pilot didn´t seem to realize it, still staring at the Toruk.

"Come on. You´re not going to be eaten."

Trudy sniffed. "You´re sure ?" she managed to ask.

Jake chuckled. "I´m sure. Now come on!" He wrapped the rope around his wrist, dragging her closer by that. Trudy realized that the thing was somehow flexible.

"That´s forbidden, isn´t it ?" she asked.

"Forbidden ? Why ?"

"I mean, I am not allowed…it´s for hunters and stuff…"

Jake chuckled, closing his eyes while establishing the bond to the brilliantly coloured hunter.

„It´s a Toruk, Trudy, no Ikran. And I am bonding with it, so no problem. Get going now, I want you in front of me." He grinned. "You can still get your own!"

She didn´t move. The expression on her face told him clearly that she didn´t like the surprise.

"It will smell I am not a Na´vi", Trudy argued.

"She´s used to _my_ smell, there won´t be trouble with yours." Besides the fact that the Toruk hadn´t been too happy about _anyone_ daring to beset her in the first place anyway, he added privately.

"It will not carry both of us!"

"She´s carried Neytiri and me before."

"I will fall!"

Jake rolled his eyes. "You´re a pilot! You´re afraid of heights ? G_et going_!"

"Just in case you didn´t notice – that´s _not_ a Samson!"

The Toruk gave another high pitched cry and Trudy took a step backwards.

"Your yelling annoys her", Jake told the friend patiently, touching the Toruk´s neck while reaching out for Trudy with the other hand. "Don´t you trust me ?"

* * *

Trudy clung to the animal beneath her, glad to have Jake at her back. The start had been a little bit rough, but the Leonopteryx had glided smoothly through the sky ever since. The moment she allowed herself to relax the tiniest bit, Jake grinned. She cried out the when the dragonlike creature dived down for the first time.

"Max will freak out about my values!" she yelled. Jake only grinned – he had thought about that before – Max had become part of their little conspiracy for that.

* * *

The flight had never been long enough for Trudy when the Toruk got agitated. "What is it ?" she yelled. Jake leaned in to answer, pointing to the south. Trudy made out what looked like smaller pterosaurians. "She´s spotted some prey. Can´t get one of them with us on her back. We should give her the chance to get a bite to eat." Trudy didn´t answer, but only shook her head. Jake spotted a lake beneath them. The Toruk dived again without hesitation. "Where the hell are we supposed to land around here ?" Trudy asked, glancing around.

"Don´t worry!" He gripped Trudy´s forearm. The moment they were close enough, he shifted his weight and pulled. Trudy, her arm still in his grip, slipped inelegantly over and down the Toruk´s neck with a whoop. Jake caught her other arm´s wrist, holding her. For seconds, she hung in the air right over the water surface. Jake released the Toruk and they landed with a splash into the water.

"Damn she´s huge!" Trudy exclaimed, watching the large shadow leave. Then she turned, hitting him hard against the chest. "And you´re a goddamn crazy fool!"

"Don´t tell me you didn´t enjoy it!"

"Didn´t _enjoy_ it ?" Her whole body trembled from both the effort and the adrenaline. She couldn´t find the right words, but the expression on her face told him everything. There simply were no words to describe the experience.

"Let´s get out of the water", he suggested, pointing to the nearest shore. "We should probably find you something to eat as well."

* * *

"And she´s coming back to us ?" Trudy asked some minutes later while she stretched out on a sunny spot to dry.

"Usually, yes. If she doesn´t, I can still call her."

Trudy realized that his exclamation on that rock a while ago hadn´t been one of anticipation, but a signal.

"How do you know she´s a girl ?"

He threw her some eatable fruits. "I felt it through the bond."

Trudy raised her eyebrows. "How ? Was she thinking about her looks the day you attacked her ?"

Jake grimaced. "Bond with an animal and you´ll know what I am talking about!"

Trudy laughed. "Jeez, listen to yourself!"

Jake only laughed. "You´ll see – and you won´t be laughing then, I bet!" He was glad to find that she was still talking to him – at least for now.

"What about her name ?" she asked. "Pyrrha - that´s a Na´vi word ?"

He shook his head. "No. Pyrrha was the daughter of Pandora in Greek mythology."

Trudy laughed. "And how would a jarhead know about Greek mythology ?" she inquired, her tone quite good humoured as he noticed happily.

He didn´t take it as an insult.

"My mother taught Greek and Latin at university. She was into this mythology and tales. I went to bed with this stuff." He let his gaze wander over the landscape around them. "Look at her – she´s beautiful and wild and strong. People called this place Pandora without any real idea of it. The Toruk is everything the place stands for. So Pyrrha felt adequate."

Trudy threw him a surprised look. "Really – it´s got you!"

He nodded. "Yeah. Seems so." He sounded quite contended.

"I didn´t know you still ride the Toruk."

"Not as often anymore. And she will possibly stop allowing me to someday." He smiled. "But it´s an addiction! My Ikran resents me every time he smells her on me. The guy´s bloody jealous."

"How do you call him ?" she asked. "Jupiter ?"

"_Jupiter, _Miss Chacon", Jake told her, imitating Norm´s lecturing tone", was a Roman god – the Greek version of him would be Zeus. And I named him Ares."

"God of the hunt ?"

Jake frowned. "Actually, the god of war. Bitterly ironic, huh ?"

She shrugged. "Things got the right way, Jake. I have no doubt. Quaritch would have attacked them anyway and you know that."

He nodded. "Neytiri says mistakes are made to learn for them. You shall not forget, but you shall not let them haunt you." Trudy watched his features grow serious. "I still feel guilty", he admitted.

"There would have been bloodshed anyway. And they would have been slaughtered without warning or a chance to fight them. We got rid of them!"

Jake sighed. "For now."

Trudy nooded. "Yes. For now. And if you feel like making amends – I´d like to be prepared for whenever they return here!"

Jake realized that they headed probably straightforward to the critical topic. Unfortunately, he had still no idea where to begin. They remained silent for a while, watching the Toruk above them, a small point up in the sky.

Finally, he decided to take his chances. "You´re gonna tell me what´s wrong ?"

She had remained silent for so long that he didn´t expect her to answer any longer when she finally spoke. "I had nightmares after the crash", she told him abruptly. "One after another."

Jake already knew that. Her screaming had woken him more than once.

"And the dreams got worth ?" he asked gently.

She gave a low sound of despair, turning to head to face him. "I don´t dream anymore." Her voice trembled slightly and he could hear her grit her teeth for a moment before he continued. "I get barely any sleep at all", she whispered. "I´m just too scared to fall asleep."

She prepared to get up, but Jake reached out for her, not allowing her to get away from him.

"Just gimme a minute", she told him, her tone awkwardly unemotional.

"You´re going to run again ?" he asked, not loosening his grip.

Instead of talking to anyone, she had felt obliged to pull herself together. To play the though girl – instead of being the one she actually was.

"Let me go", she demanded, struggling to stay in control.

Jake shook his head.

* * *

A while later, Trudy remembered something Jake had told her weeks ago. That it felt much easier to express emotions when among Na´vi. That it felt much easier for him to do it when linked with the avatar though that felt foolish as he was still the same guy. That the human Jake would just have felt too ashamed of it.

Apparently, he had been right.

He had found them a place under a tree where they could sit comfortably. She didn´t know how long they had been sitting there – how long he had held her.

There had been no tears this time. She felt like having none left anymore. She felt still just pathetic – but it had been a relief to stop being strong for a little while – to feel just safe and not longer obliged to keep on guard every second. It had felt good to be held for a while – to feel protected herself. As a consequence, she experienced a fatigue far worse than every physical tiredness she had ever experienced before.

Trying to comfort the friend, watching her tremble and struggle and finally lowering her shields, Jake cursed himself a selfish bastard. One look at her, one real look, should have been enough to realize. She looked pale and tired and shaken and Neytiri had been right – she had lost weight, too. She had kept up so far – but she was close to failing.

He had seen things affect Norm. Had felt that he had needed the rest of them. Jake wondered why he hadn´t realized that Trudy might possibly need just the same.

"You´ll get in trouble if anybody finds us out here like this", she finally managed to tell him.

He chuckled lowly. "I don´t think that´s going to happen."

She sighed, allowing herself to let her head rest against his shoulder again. "In this case…"

He stroked her hair another time and she laughed, though it rather sounded like a squeak to her. "What the hell happened, Sully ? We would never ever have ended up like this back at Hell´s Gate!"

"They think of us as some kind of siblings back at hometree, anyway", he told her, grinning at the surprised look she threw him. "And there is no way I could ever cheat on Neytiri without her knowing."

"And who they think of as the older one ?" she inquired.

He gave a low sound of amusement.

"You should have told anybody", he told her then, his tone more serious.

"What ? That I am scared to death ? That I´m scared I won´t be able to manage ?"

He tipped her chin with one fingertip. "See ? Wasn´t that hard !"

She sighed. "Can´t we just stay here ?"

He laughed. "Why ?"

"I still feel like I won´t manage."

He looked down at her. "That´s nonsense."

She sighed. "Doesn´t change the way I feel." She shifted her weight a little.

"Some people think you pushed yourself too far too fast", he suggested carefully.

"Some people ?"

He sighed. "Well, a lot of people – alright ?"

She groaned and managed somehow to get to her feet.

"Look, nobody…"

"It´s bad enough that I can´t handle this crap by myself, you know", she interrupted him. "And I obviously made a fool of myself in addition!"

"Nobody thinks you´re making a fool of yourself!" He watched her pacing up and down. "You know, some of these people think you should stay away from Hell´s Gate for a while."

She stopped pacing and turned to him.

"I can´t."

"Why not ?"

Trudy sighed impatiently. "I got _work_ there!"

Jake narrowed his eyes. "I already told you – there´s time enough. You got a lot of work done during the last weeks – and Gavin will still be there."

"I can´t leave all that stuff to him!" she contradicted, starting to pace again.

"He will manage until you´re back on track!"

"I´ll still have to disconnect", she argued.

"You could stay at the lab close to the camp. You wanna switch, you do. You lived there in your own body before and you won´t need an exopack this time."

"I can´t leave them!" she snapped, her temper rising.

"And why the hell not ?" Jake argued.

She stopped right in front of him, up to shout at him, but couldn´t find the words.

"Spill, won´t you!" he challenged.

She closed her eyes, overwhelmed by frustration. When she opened them again, she looked more tired than ever.

"That might sound ridiculous to you right now, but I got to _protect_ them!"

Her words caused a sharp sting of pain in him, though she had surely not meant to accuse him.

"No offense", she told him, "but who do you want to do the job when I leave ?"

Jake realized that he had never considered that point – there had been only one ex soldier left when he had decided to switch the final time.

"They´re grownups", he finally answered. "They´re able to take care of themselves."

She smiled sadly. "I don't say that they won´t make it without me, jerk! I just say that somebody needs to show them how to fire a gun! And there _are_ dangers out here which it´s the only solution for! You would better have shown _them_ how to use a gun instead of the Omaticaya!"

Jake looked as surprised as guilty.

"Yes, I know!" she told him. She had noticed quite early that some of the oversized machine guns had gone missing.

"They should know about this", he explained. "They need to be prepared by the time our RDA friends return here."

"I totally agree – but so do we!"

"Well, Norm and Gavin _are_ able to fire a gun", Jake answered hesitantly.

"Wow!" Trudy exclaimed. "Gavin´s a technician who had some basic training a decade ago! And by playing at _medic school´s_ basketball team, you don´t qualify for the job either!"

"Ouch!" Jake commented. "That would surely have hurt Norm´s feelings, you know."

"Doesn´t make things any less true!" she reasoned sardonically.

"Fine!" Jake got back to his feet as well. "Maybe I didn´t consider that."

"Maybe ?"

He threw her an unnerved look. "I´ll take care of that."

She watched him, chewing on her lower lip.

"What about you ?" he asked.

She took a deep breath, then groaned. "I feel like I´ll have to apologize to a lot of people."

He chuckled. "I guess you´ll make it."

"You really think I am welcome there ?"

He skipped an answer for a simple nod.

Trudy couldn´t deny the warm feelings she had developed towards these people. Mo´at, mother to the tribe and somehow to Jake as well. Trudy had always felt that the shaman was able to look right through her every minute, but she had felt surprisingly comfortable about it. Neytiri would understand, she was sure of. Though not as mysterious as her mother, she was more sensitive than anybody else she had ever met. The rest of her people back at Hell´s Gate…. well, they would hopefully understand, too.

"What about Ey´até ?" she asked suddenly.

Jake had stepped out from under the trees to look up to the sky.

"What about him ?"

"I have no idea what to tell the guy."

Jake chuckled.

"What´s so damn funny ?" Trudy asked.

"You really shouted at him ? You got some nerve!"

"Don´t remind me of that. He jumped from a tree to catch me! Think he will ever take me with him to the woods again ?"

Jake laughed this time. "You want my advise ? Do it the Na´vi way – _ask_ him!"

Trudy flinched at the Toruk´s cry above them. Pyrrha´s shadow came in sight on the water´s surface.

Jake answered the call, the sound causing Trudy to twitch her ears - the ability to do that still felt strange to her.

"So what do you say ?" he inquired.

She turned to him.

"You think I am gonna be able to establish tsa´helu some day ?"

"Why not ? With a Pa´li, tomorrow - if you want."

"I am not talking about horses", she answered bluntly.

Jake grinned. "But about Toruks ?"

She grimaced. "You didn´t take me out here to convince me of riding_ horses_, did you ?"

He frowned, then gazed over the water. "Actually, I took you here to show you why I had to switch - and why you should think again about quitting with the link."

Trudy sighed, then chuckled. "Yeah. I guess I see now."

"No offense – but you just started!" He glanced up to the sky again. "Let´s find a place where she can pick us up", he suggested, glancing up to the sky.

Trudy, besides feeling badly exhausted, felt the excitement of the flight and the anticipation for the trip back returning to her. She smiled to him. "Don't think I don´t see what you´re trying to do to me!" she told him.

He only smiled, hoping that she didn´t.

* * *

"Hey", he suddenly called on the ride back, trying to get Trudy´s attention.

"What ?" she called back.

"Up to something crazy ?" he asked.

Trudy raised her eyebrows. To be asked such a question while on the back of a Leonopteryx was weird enough.

"What do you got in mind ?"

"Close your eyes."

"That´s a bad idea !" she argued.

"Eywa help us….close your eyes and _trust _me!"

"Whatever", she muttered, closing her eyes.

Jake took a deep breath and concentrated on the hunter carrying them. Then he reached out for the Toruk´s second nerval link.

Trudy´s eyes flew open the instant the bond was made. Her whole body twitched powerfully. She gave a high-pitched sound of surprise.

"What have you done ?!" she yelled, her voice shrill.

"Relax!" he ordered, silently begging the Toruk for patience. He had done this before, but with a skilled huntress next to him. "You´re a pilot, Trudy!"

"I don´t know what to do!"

"Close your eyes!" he ordered her. "And let she be your wings."

* * *

_author´s note - thanks to Fondycheesehead for correcting my mistake about Zeus, Jupiter and Mars. I had looked up things sooo carefully as I wanted to avoid any mistake *g* - but writing exactly the wrong things then is probably what you get for writing until the middle of the night - I corrected it now and thanks for the review!!!!_


	14. Chapter 14

„….and I thought we should probably consider…wow !" Norm got up from his seat at the cafeteria, staring out to the courtyard. The others turned to see what he was looking at.

* * *

"What a showoff!" Grace commented sarcastically, watching the Toruk land on the airplane hangar´s roof. She had followed the others outdoors. Raising a hand to shield her eyes from the sun, she suddenly gave a sound of enragement.

Jake padded the Toruk´s neck, thanking him for the ride and her patience. Trudy in front of him trembled slightly.

"Thank her", he whispered. Trudy didn´t waste time thinking about how she was supposed that – she simply had a try, regretting heartily that she would have to break the connection to the majestic creature.

Jake helped Trudy to get off the Leonopteryx´back. She didn´t seem too confident back to her own feet at first. She hugged Jake for a moment. "Thanks", she whispered.

"You´re welcome." He eyed her up for a moment, his hand still on her shoulder. "You´re alright ?"

She nodded, though the expression on her face told him something else. "I just need some sleep now – or privacy, at least", she answered.

"Think about things", he suggested softly.

She glanced at the large hunter right next to her for a moment. The toruk didn´t seem too disturbed by their presence.

"Actually, there is nothing much to think about, isn´t it ?"

Jake only grinned in silent agreement.

"I should talk to the Tsa´hik", she said. "Would you mind asking her if I may come for a visit ?"

"Sure I´ll do!"

Trudy nodded. "Great." She felt again close to losing control. "Sorry, man!" she told him. "I am done for today."

"I´ll go with you and say hello to the others", he answered. Though she looked quite agitated, he had a feeling that this was a positive kind of inner turmoil.

* * *

„To put her into such danger!" Though Grace was so much smaller than Jake in her human body, he took a respectful step back the moment she started to shout at him. The maps they had come to look at at the former control room were long forgotten.

"She was perfectly save!" he reasoned.

"You don´t take somebody to ride a goddamn toruk who´s already having trouble keeping balance on his own feet!"

"_You_ told me to think of something!"

"And I should have known that you wouldn't come up with anything _useful_!"

Norm, feeling quite uncomfortable witnessing another argument between Grace and Jake, cleared his throat. "I think she enjoyed it", he stated carefully.

"She was almost _in tears_ when she came back !" Grace barked. "You were supposed to think of something to calm her down!"

Jake turned away from her and threw a frustrated look out of the window. Ironically, he felt sometimes much less thick-skinned than before. Neytiri touched his arm in a calming gesture. "You think she shouldn´t accompany us ?" she addressed Grace.

Grace sighed. „That´s not what I am concerned about. Trudy´s exhausted. She needs to rest. Her mind needs to rest. I don´t want her to overstrain herself any further."

"You should come to hometree tomorrow to talk to my mother", Neytiri suggested.

Grace didn´t hesitate. "I will", she agreed. She turned to Jake. "Still it was foolish to take her to that ride! Luring her by something she will probably never be able to do again!"

"She´ll be able to do it every time again as long as Pyrrha will return to me!" he argued stubbornly.

"How the hell am I supposed to find any sleep with you people shouting at each other ?"

They turned. Trudy stood in the doorway. Still looking tired and miserable. Still, her smile was back. Jake was more than glad to see it.

"You´re ready ?" he asked.

Trudy nodded a respectful hello to Neytiri, then nodded.

"Gavin and Denise ?" Jake continued the check.

"On their way to the hangar", Trudy answered.

Grace and Trudy exchanged a look and a smile. Grace nodded encouragingly.

"Then let´s go!" Jake said.

* * *

Jake and Neytiri followed Trudy, Grace and Norm on their way out of the control room. Jake felt Neytiri´s usual relief leaving the confined spaces. Still, she suddenly stopped, glancing over to the small office at the end of the room, Selfridge´s former office.

For a moment, her soft features grew serious.

_**- - Flashback -** -_

_Walls. Roofs. Neytiri could still not understand the sky people´s need for so much constriction__. _

_Decisions had been made early that morning.__ The sky people would leave. Their leader, the astonishingly young looking guy in the fancy looking clothes, had agreed to take his people home to the world they had come from. She had been there, representing the Tsa´hik, as her mother had had to stay with their people, and she knew how important it had been to take part, to listen. But now, with all important decisions taken, she had left it to Tsey´set and Jake to talk to Selfridge about some further details. The happenings of the last few days and the lack of sleep started to take their toll. So she had found herself a place outside the smaller compartment with the translucent walls they had chosen for their meeting. She tried to watch, but allowed herself to explore the numb feeling inside of her a little closer. _

_Finally, the door opened and Jake and Tsey´set left. Neytiri was grateful for the sensitiveness Tsey´set handled Jake´s physical handicap with. The brother saw in the Na´vi sense of the word – Jake´s soul, not only the body. There was only some mild curiosity on Tsey´set´s face, watching Jake use the wheelchair. Norm and Selfridge left the office behind them, accompanied by a guard and the man they had appointed as Quaritch´s successor._

_Jake smiled to her, rai__sing one hand when he was close enough to touch her. She took his comparably much smaller human hand, returning his smile and for a second, she got distracted by his touch and smile._

_They both flinched and turned when the Na´vi right next to them straightened in a fluid movement, raising the gun he had with him. _

"_Do you know how long I waited to do this ?" Norm barked at Selfridge. The RDA official stared in surprise at the scientist who had just planted a punch on his chin. _

_Neytiri looked at Jake, then at the man right next to her. "What did he say ?" she inquired, nodding towards Selfridge. _

_The Na´vi gave a small sound of regret. "I didn´t understand", he answered. Neytiri raised her eyebrows. The way Selfridge looked from her to Jake and back made her reckon that he had probably just given a derogative comment about the two of them. Norm next to him looked suddenly quite contented, rubbing his knuckles._

_Selfridge glanced around__ and their eyes met for a second. The human looked pathetic. Rather intimidated and tired than defeated. He broke eye contact immediately, averting his eyes. _

_  
Jake had noticed the__ short the exchange of glances though it had only taken seconds. Neytiri looked down to him, the beginning of a smile on her face, probably only visible for him. He squeezed her hand gently. To Selfridge, she was the incarnation of unpredictable danger. Still, she realized that she couldn´t feel hatred towards this man. Jake thought that Quaritch, the warrior leading the sky people soldiers, had been a man of some character, though misled. Selfridge had chosen the easy way, leaving the dirty work to the soldier, though it didn´t make him less guilty. To Neytiri, there seemed to be no character in him at all._

"_Tomorrow night, all of them will have left the __surface", Jake told them, watching Selfridge and the others leave, Norm observing them, looking more amazed than angry._

"_Then we´ll be able to go home ?" __Neytiri asked, following them with her eyes as well. _

_He squeezed her hand a little tighter. "Then we´ll be able to go home!" he confirmed. _

**_- -__ End of flashback - -_**

She flinched at first when he touched her hand. "You´re alright ?" he asked.

She entangled her fingers in his. "I am." They looked both at the office, then at each other again.

"Let´s go!" he only said, his look telling her that he knew exactly which memories had just crossed her mind.

* * *

Trudy felt a little awkward to return to the hometree first.

Gavin and Denise had volunteered to accompany her to the lab out in the woods, as she needed someone to control the link. Denise had talked about a great opportunity to check on some additional samples for another research. Gavin as the only other pilot would stay with her for safety reasons. Well, that was the official version - Trudy suspected the two of them of taking the chance to get some privacy. She had reckoned for a while now that there was something going on between them.

Norm had obviously felt relieved when she had told them that she was up to stay for a while out in the woods to make her mind up. Trying to getting adjusted in the avatar body was just the reasonable thing to do out here. He had asked her if she´d mind him coming as well. Trudy had been more than glad. She had told him then about her suspicions regarding the other two friends, but he had only shrugged.

"It´s quite obvious, isn´t it ?" he had asked. "But I am planning to keep linked most of the time – so I don´t care." Trudy had a good feeling about things. They would have to disconnect from time to time, but she had started to teach Norm navigating a helicopter while he was teaching her Na´vi grammar in exchange – there was plenty to do even far away from Hell´s Gate.

She had asked to talk to Tsey´set and Mo´at for their permission to stay with them for a while. Tsey´set had simply nodded agreement, ordering her to take one step at a time and to talk to Mo´at about her bad dreams.

Mo´at had taken her time. She had talked to her for a while. Trudy liked the woman´s piercing eyes. She always seemed to know what people had on their minds without making them feel uncomfortable – and there was neither use nor reason to pretend. The mother of the tribe had eyed her up, her examination rather unusual. She had examined some things a human doctor would probably have checked as well, but she did a lot of other stuff Trudy couldn´t see the purpose of. Still, Trudy thought not about a second about doubting her findings. "Don't hurry", she had finally told her. "Learn to listen." Trudy would have sworn that she had kept a straight face, but the Tsa´hik looked right through her. "Not only to your teachers, child", she had added with a smile. "But to your heart. Your instincts. You won´t be misled."

These orders had been rather mysterious – and they hadn´t told her anything about how to fill her days. But Ay´lel, the newly appointed clan leader Tsey´set´s mate, as well as Taley, the woman who had taken care of her while she had been recovering at the Na´vi camp, took her with them. And though she was still unsure where things would lead her, she simply tried to make herself useful – slightly scared that she would only get into other people´s way.

She had asked for where to find Ey´até, as she was up still up to apologize to him, but she had been told that he and a second man had been sent out to another tribe as messengers. So apologizing would have to wait.

Norm had somehow felt obliged to keep Trudy some company, at least until she would have gotten adjusted again. He realized quickly that there was no need for it. The women had practically abducted the friend immediately – and though Norm had made it to some acceptance among the Na´vi by now, he had definitely not the same access to the circle of young women Trudy had.

He had studied the Na´vi for years before he had finally made it to the avatar program. Their culture, their language, any piece of information he had been able to lay hands on. Besides the dramatic happenings which had led him here, living among them, experiencing things firsthand, was the fulfilment of a dream, worth every injury his body and pride may suffer doing it. There was a distinct difference between thinking to know and real knowing. Realisations like this had hit him several times since the subjects of research had somehow changed into family.

Trudy and Jake might have lacked knowledge compared to him. But they had the advantage that they had no scientist´s mind getting into their way. The moment Trudy arrived at hometree, linked to the avatar, she seemed to hand over every preoccupation to Tsey´set together with her gun and compass and to strip of human prejudices together with the avatar´s inadequate looking human clothes. "What ?" she had challenged, noticing Norm´s surprised look. "How many other people in tanktops and shorts do you see around ?"

Waving to him, she had left, for whatever she´d been up to. Norm had been left to his own studies and training, envying Trudy and Jake for the ease they went off to tackle things with.

Norm and Trudy had dinner with Norm, Neytiri and Jake in the evening, Jake and Norm telling them about the day´s hunt and happenings. The women listened mostly, Neytiri smiling to Trudy conspiratorially every time the men started to exaggerate. Later on, Trudy and Norm found themselves a place to sleep for the night, staying close to each other rather instinctively than deliberately.

Norm fell asleep as fast as usual and Trudy envied him. Lying awake and feeling still quite agitated, she listened to the sounds of the camp and its inhabitants. The sounds of the trees. These sounds were not unfamiliar to her. For weeks, she had fallen asleep to them.

Her ears caught suddenly something she had gotten used to as well. She sat up, trying not to wake Norm next to her. She wouldn't have had to worry – the guy was fast asleep.

Trudy recognized Taley´s velvety voice. The lullaby was the first thing Trudy remembered from her wakening at the Na´vi camp after the crash. Sedated by some kind of pain-killing drug, the song had burned deeply into her memory, having the same soothing effect on her as on the child it had actually been sung to.

Trudy had learned much more from Taley than her first Na´vi vocabulary. She didn´t know if the woman had been consigned to do it or if she had probably volunteered, but Taley had helped the human woman to the best of her knowledge. Her attitude towards Trudy had just been typical for her people – she hadn´t wasted much time on the decision. Trudy´s kind might have attacked the Omaticaya apparently without any reason - but Trudy had not fought with them, but with the Omaticaya - so the Omaticayan woman had considered her as one of her own.

As Trudy had needed a lot of help during the first days and weeks, the women had spent a lot of time together and they had gotten to know each other, both of them curious to learn more about the other. It had been frustrating sometimes, quite amusing at other times, but surely an unique experience every minute.

Trudy smiled in the darkness. The lullaby told the story of a Na´vi child getting lost in the woods and Eywa looking out for it. Listening to the friend´s low singing, she remembered the day Jake had come to tell her about the agreement they had negotiated with Selfridge.

"_It´s your decision. You will be allowed to stay, but you may also return to earth with the others." _

"_And you think they´ll stick to their promise of letting the collaborators go once we´re back ?" she had asked. "Never ever, Jake!" _

"_Most people of the lab team supported us, remember", he told her. "They can´t lock up all of them. And I don´t think that there a lot of people left to testify about your involvement in the battle." _

"_But they will probably testify on me getting you people out of there", she argued. _

_Jake had sighed and glanced around for a moment. "Have you ever thought of what would happen after the battle ?" he asked finally. _

"_I thought there would be time enough to think about it if we make it", she answered drily. _

"_This might be your only chance ever to get back to earth", he told her, flattening his ears._

"_Have _you_ thought about the day after ?" she asked after a while._

_He frowned, shaking his head. _

"_There´s nothing left that would be worth to return to for me", he said after another minute._

"_Same goes for me", she stated simply. "This is a nice place, you know, will even be nicer the moment Selfridge and friends leave."_

_They had b__ecome friends and though Jake felt as if he had known her for years instead of only months, he realized that he didn't know much about her past._

"_But t__o live at ?" he asked_

_She smiled to him. "Even a much nicer place to die at."_

She had seen things clearer back then. Returning to where she had come from had not been an option. She hadn't made the decision light headedly, but it had been easy enough, too. It had included trying to survive out here as a consequence. Getting linked with a borrowed avatar was a unique chance to enhance her chances to succeed.

Taley´s voice had faded. The child had obviously fallen asleep. Trudy sighed silently, trying to find a comfortable position to rest. While passing out to sleep, she wondered if she had just realized about what kind of listening Mo´at had been talking.


	15. Chapter 15

_This chapter took some time to get finished...sooo many changes again during the writing. Ey´até is surely inspired by Tsu´tey. Unfortunately, I chose to follow the movie´s storyline with his death earlier - still, this might be a good chance to give his character some credits! _

_

* * *

_Some days later, Norm found Trudy sitting on a branch some metres above the camp, her legs dangling in the air. It was still early in the morning and the air was still cool. The camp had already woken – people were preparing for today´s work. Some of the children chased each other right through the middle of the camp.

Trudy gestured to him to sit. "Do you think they have any idea how gracious they are ?" she asked, smiling.

Norm sat down next to her, grinning. "They _don´t_ have an idea", he answered. "But they think of us as _really _clumsy."

He reached out and snatched the small package out of her hands, getting a scent of something he remembered, but couldn´t allocate for a second.

"Chocolate ?" he asked in surprise.

"Have some", Trudy answered sarcastically, as he had already taken the bar from her.

He eyed the candy up critically. "It´s not really made for Pandora´s heat, isn´t it ?"

"If you´re just going to _think_ about it, hand it back!" she suggested drily. "I am going to _eat _it meanwhile!"

He snarled lowly and tried a piece of it, only to grimace immediately.

"Has that stuff always been _that_ sweet ?" he asked.

She laughed. "Denise said Na´vi sense of taste differs from ours or something. Have you ever tried these small blue fruits Jake likes so much ? In your human body, I mean."

"No. What about them ?" he asked, handing her the chocolate back to lick his fingertips clean.

"Ay´lel brought them some day to me while my leg was still healing, told me that Na´vi children love the stuff." She got another piece of chocolate. "They taste like lemons!"

"Maybe – but this tastes like _tons_ of sugar! How can you eat it ?"

She frowned, letting another piece of chocolate melt on her tongue.

"Don´ know!" she mumbled. "I think because I wanna have some now – and I at least remember how it really tastes!" She realized absently that there was most probably no "real" taste of it – just different ways to experience it.

"You could have some when you disconnect – just out of the fridge, you know!"

"What about your darling ?" Trudy asked suddenly, referring to Ay´lel who was crossing the camp beneath them.

The sudden change to especially that topic startled Norm. "Well…", he muttered. Trudy cocked her head, waiting.

"Don´t tell me she doesn´t like you", Trudy said finally, knowing that Ay´lel was as fascinated of the dreamwalker as he was of her.

Norm gulped. "Honestly spoken, she corners me every time I try to speak to her."

He sighed.

"Corners you ? How is she doing that exactly ?"

Norm shook his head, looking helpless. "Two days ago, we talked about diseases."

Trudy raised her eyebrows. Surely not a topic she would ever have discussed with a guy she was interested in.

"We made some comparisons", Norm continued. "And then, out of the blue, she asked me why so many of our people suffer from this horrible insanity!"

Trudy knew that Mo´at used to describe the sky people´s blindness towards the Na´vi´s ways that way. She laughed. Poor Norm, left to explain things like this to the girl he had such a bad crush on. She wondered if he had looked as guilty when he had tried to explain things to her as he looked right now.

"I had no idea what to tell her. How am I supposed to explain the differences in two sentences ?"

Trudy didn´t comment on that and when Norm looked over to her, he realized that she was busy observing Ey´até. He had returned two days before. Right now, he was getting ready for a trip out to the woods with a friend. "You talked to him ?" he asked.

"I tried - but he´s avoiding me", she told him. "I did not even get a chance to apologize."

She brought her knees up to her chest, putting her arms around her legs. "He asked me a similar question a while ago. Actually, he asked for our great mother. Why we are that blind. Our bodies so unhandy."

Norm´s interest woke immediately. "What did you tell him ?"

Trudy smiled, though a rather sad smile.

"I told him that I think that we killed our mother. Centuries ago."

"_What !?_" Norm asked, grimacing.

Trudy only shrugged. "Isn´t it like that ? At least in their way of thinking ?"

Norm decided not to comment to that radical explanation. "And what did he say ?" he inquired.

Trudy smiled. "Not much. But I think he mused that we´ve proven the theory effectively out here."

"You think God gave up on us ?" Norm asked.

Trudy realized in surprise that Norm seemed quite serious about the idea.

"You are a scientist – you should doubt the whole idea of God in general, shouldn´t you ?" She chuckled. "Come on! If there has ever been some superior being, it must have been quite a fool not to give up hope on us, don´t you think ?"

Norm looked suddenly rather grumpy. He obviously disliked Trudy´s rather casual way to talk about these things.

"You could possibly ask Jake to talk to him", he suddenly suggested, nodding into the direction Ey´até had just left to. He was not in the mood for further theological discussions.

"Oh dear, no!" Trudy made a gesture of decline. "He´s obviously pissed enough! He´ll think I am too much of a coward to do it myself!" She chewed thoughtfully. "Have you seen him wrestle last night ?"

Norm nodded. There had been some kind of general training for the younger warriors, given the chance to learn from the older ones. Though Norm had gotten used to the natural kind of way the Na´vi added snarls, growls and hisses to their language to impress their feelings and though he knew that their bodies had been created more resilient than human ones, some of these fights hadn´t looked exactly like training.

"The man´s a freak!" Trudy told him, her tone admiring.

"I guess his fighting skills compensate what he lacks regarding communications." Norm frowned. "He may not continue your lessons, even if he accepts your apology, you know. The guy´s quite proud and felt probably offended by you disobeying his orders. You should probably think of finding somebody else to take you out there."

Trudy laughed, a real and relaxed laugh. "What if I don´t want to find anyone else to take me out there ?"

Norm threw her a curious look. "Did I miss something ?"

* * *

"That´s not wise", Denise told her.

"It´s only a stone´s throw from here!"

"You shouldn´t go alone."

Trudy, linked again, sighed and looked down to the human scientist. "There are guards around the camp – they´ll see me. And if there´s any trouble, they´ll hear me. No reason to worry!"

"I advised you to contact Jake and let somebody pick you up here – just for the record!"

"Yeah, thanks!" Trudy smiled. "Watch out for yourselves, you two!" She nodded to Denise. She had had to take the avatar to the lab for some tests the night before. Now she was ready to go. Actually, she was itching to return to hometree.

Jake had taken her to the lab the night before, but she wasn´t willing to wait for him to return to pick her up. If he was on his way right now, he would surely find her.

She grabbed the machine gun she had brought with her and left. There would most probably be no reason to use it. Still, for now, it made her feel less helpless. Together with a compass, she figured her chances to reach hometree as sufficiently good.

She had marched hard for about ten minutes when a sound behind her made her turn. She stumbled slightly and dropped the compass.

She turned back, frowning and cursing herself. Some bird flying up out of a tree was enough to scare the hell out of her nowadays. She bent forward to pick up the compass.

The next second, she got smashed backwards against a tree and the gun wrenched out of her hand. She stared at her attacker.

Realization took several seconds.

Ey´até released her, snarling. "What are you doing alone out here ?" he asked, obviously annoyed.

She managed to skip a snappy comment, adrenaline still flooding her veins.

"Nice to see you, too", she muttered instead.

He showed no visible reaction to the words.

She turned to pick up the weapon and he took the chance to eye her up. Her and the gun.

"Do you know how to use this ?" he finally asked, nodding towards the gun. He sounded quite wary now. Trudy cocked her head.

"Actually, I _do_", she told him. He didn´t answer, but his glance told clearly that he doubted that.

"I have been looking for you", she said.

He only cocked his head. Another man might have crossed his arms in front of him and raised his eyebrows. He didn´t even need to do it to express his scepticism.

Trudy took a deep breath. He was obviously not willing to make things easy for her.

"I wanted to thank you. For saving me out there and takin´ me back."

He just stood, watching her.

"And I wanted to apologize", she continued. "For running and stuff."

She started to feel like shrinking under his stare.

"So you changed your mind ?" he finally asked.

Trudy nodded.

He watched her for another moment, then took some steps.

"And are you going to change your mind again the next time you stumble ?"

Trudy turned to him, the expression on her face changing with her rising anger.

"Is that what your people do when they fail at something ? Run ?" he continued.

"I said I am sorry!" Her tone changed remarkably.

"Why did you come back here ?" he asked.

"What do you want me to do to made things up ?" she inquired.

"I asked you a question !" he barked.

"You asked a lot of questions! I won´t change my mind and I won´t run! I came to learn !" she barked back. For a usually rather tight lipped guy like him, he seemed suddenly rather chatty.

He circled her while she stood, not moving a muscle, gritting her teeth. "I should have let you fall and let that have been a lesson to you!" he snarled, forcing the weapon out of her hand again.

She wondered privately what had happened to the guy with the never ending patience.

"Are you going to accept my apology or not ?!" she asked, struggling for a neutral tone.

He circled her another time and she felt him close behind her, though she couldn´t see him. His anger and strange behaviour irritated her.

Shouldering her weapon, he forced the compass out of her hand. "What´s that for ?" he inquired, changing topic all of a sudden.

"It helps me keeping the right direction."

She turned to him. He looked down at the small human device in his hand, then back to her, so close to her that they almost touched each other. She waited.

"Tell me!" he challenged. "How did your people manage to travel from one world to another though they are not even able to find the right direction on their own!"

Trudy frowned. The situation became more and more awkward.

"You didn´t answer _my_ questions", she said.

He watched her out of gold speckled eyes for another moment. The he turned his back on her without a word.

"Would you mind returning my stuff to me ?" she asked finally, feeling down.

He climbed the lowest branch of a tree with a graceful leap to return to his observation point, refusing an answer.

"Damn blue skinned bastard !" she muttered.

Trudy watched the Na´vi stop in his tracks. She realized too late that muttering curses was probably not the wisest thing to do while interacting with people with such a fine sense of hearing.

Ey´até´s English wasn´t as good as Neytiri´s, but he was an attentive observer. The last time Jake had cheated on his sky people brother during a training fight, Norm had called him a quite similar name. From the situation, it hadn´t been hard to determine that "bastard" wasn´t a compliment.

He returned to her, grabbing her roughly by her braid. She suppressed a small sound of pain.

"You´re a pathetic little alien, do you know that ?"

"Well, I think I deserved that", she answered lowly, still forced to face him.

"I had patience with you, Eywa knows!" he snarled. "And you disrespected me in return!"

"I – didn´t – mean to shout at you!" she argued.

"That´s not what I am talking about!" he barked. It unnerved her. She had never ever heard him raise his voice before.

"You wouldn´t have fallen if you hadn´t run! I was _in charge_ of you!" he barked.

"I made a mistake", she yelled back.

"I made a mistake as well!" he told her. "I shouldn´t have tried to teach you how to hunt like an Omaticaya – I should have taught you how to behave first!"

"You saved my life out there", she told him calmly. "I would most probably have broken my neck."

He stared at her for another second. She had spent enough time with him to read the signs, though she had never seen him that angry. He wouldn´t have had to shout. One look at his dark expression would have been enough to realize his anger.

"If you ever run again from me like that, Eywa may help you", he muttered. "´Cause I won´t !"

He released her, turning to leave.

Trudy just stood, confused.

"I´ll get lost!" she told him.

He didn´t turn or stop this time.

Trudy raised her eyebrows. The guy _knew _that she needed the gun and the compass.

It took her some further seconds until she caught up – then she hurried to follow him up to the trees.

* * *

Ey´até didn't talk much that day. She was used to his calm nature, but he didn´t even explain many things. He was obviously still angry, so she did the best to follow him, looking around, listening to the sounds of the woods. There was nothing else to do for her - and she decided to try and be patient.

She was again stunned by the different way she experienced this world when linked to the avatar. Sure, with the Na´vi genes came much more sensible ears and eyes, a better sense of smell - a completely different perception of the own body.

But there was something else, something she couldn´t explain by simple genetic differences. It was one thing that everything seemed brighter, clearer, much more detailed when linked. She might feel like a clumsy child in the avatar body, but for reasons she couldn´t fathom, she wasn´t exactly as scared of Pandora´s dangers when using the avatar body and she wondered if she was just experiencing some kind of basic Na´vi instinct. She might still fear to fall or lose direction, but their surroundings looked much less dangerous in some way.

In the afternoon, after what felt like roaming the jungle for hours randomly to her, he made her climb a tree which was taller than the others. She scraped her knees and knocked her head, but managed somehow to keep up with him.

"Come on!" He put out his hand and helped her further up, so fast that she couldn´t even protest. They finally reached the upper and thinner branches – they bent softly under their feet. She panicked. "Focus!" he ordered. To her relieve, he was with her instantly. One arm flung around her waist, he stabilized the two of them. "Now one step after another", he told her, calmer again.

They made it to the trunk and she latched onto it.

"Turn around – slowly." He forced the fingers of one of her hands away from the bark.

"Look around. Try to memorize it."

She glanced around and finally found the mountains she had seen so many times from the helicopter. The camp lay somewhere south of them. He noticed without any comment that she was looking into the right direction.

But then she seemed to lose interest in orientating. Something in her mood changed suddenly.

"They say our world looked once similar to yours", she told him lowly. "At least parts of it."

"How does it look today ?" he asked, curious.

She looked at the stunning richness of colours and plants around them.

"Gray", she answered. "Dirty. The place is quite crowded. There are areas where people can´t live anymore, so they had to move."

He frowned, unable to imagine the scenario.

"So how could you live there ?"

She smiled. "It´s not that hard if you don´t know anything else."

As she had found her balance, he loosened his grip around her waist a little.

"What made you come back here ?" he asked. "Only the ride at the Toruk´s back ?"

She looked at him, surprised. "You know that ?"

He nodded. "Jake told me."

She shrugged. "It was…just stunning! I never experienced something like it before."

A short twitching around the corners of his mouth was all reaction he gave to her words. He waited patiently for her to continue.

"You know, I crashed before", she said after some seconds. "Back at Earth. My copilot, the man flying with me, was killed." She glanced around. "My people, most of them, consider this planet as one large green hell." She remembered having called it that herself not too long ago in his presence. "Everybody who wants to come here is told how dangerous this place is."

"Still people come", he stated.

"Still people come", she confirmed. "And most of them ´cause they would have to leave their home anyway. ´Cause they have done things which are forbidden or ´cause they owe people money…" She frowned. Things were getting complicated to explain again. "Well, most of the people who came to Hell´s Gate had just no other choice than to leave. When my copilot was killed, I lost my license – I wasn't allowed to fly anymore ´cause they blamed me for his death. It was an accident though - the guy was a close friend!" She sighed. "But I was good at what I was doing – so the RDA hired me to come here."

"They took advantage of what had happened to you ?"

She nodded. "That´s what they do to convince people of taking the risk of coming here. I guess it´s the same with Quaritch. He may have been a respected warrior once – but the ruthless bastard didn´t behave according to the rules and for that, he was banished from protecting our people. Still, he knew how to fight and he had no problem killing your people to get the RDA what they wanted. So he came here – and look what he did!"

She noticed his expression getting darker again. "What ?" she asked.

"I don´t like you calling me the same way you call that man", he answered.

She suppressed a smile. "I won´t do it again", she promised.

"Continue then."

She frowned. "I´ll most probably have to spend the rest of my life here. But the alternative would have been to travel through space for years only to be accused for doing the right thing, so that was not an option! When I survived the first crash and David did not", she continued, "people told me that there is a reason for everything and that I would possibly find out about it one day. Honestly spoken, I haven´t found out about it so far." She looked up to him. "But now I survived another crash. And not only a crash, but a battle, and I got barely hurt." A weak smile appeared on her face. "And I don´t think this was granted to me so that I can hide up in a hole ´til I die."

Ey´até had listened carefully to that speech and wondered if she was aware of how determined she looked right now, gesturing resolutely. She seemed to have forgotten completely about the height she had been so afraid of. And unaware of the fact that he had let his hands drop a while ago.

"I was trained to fight, though not the same way Jake was. I need to protect my people!" She gave him a weak smile. "And I need someone to show me how."

"Your fear is getting into your way", he told her suddenly.

She cocked her head.

"Well, regarding that, I am obviously not like Jake", she answered, referring to the friend´s much vaunted fearlessness. The words didn´t sound bitter – only tired.

"Maybe not", he admitted. "But it´s said that fearlessness goes often hand in hand with foolishness," he added lightly. "Fear is useful sometimes. And it´s nothing you should be ashamed of."

The words sounded strange out of a warrior´s mouth.

"I sometimes feel like it´s tearing me apart."

"It won´t. Don´t fight it."

She moved uncomfortably, averting her eyes, reaching out to touch the tree´s bark again.

"Have you ever been to a battle before ?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"Me neither", she said.

"So do you have any advise for a pathetic little alien then ?" she finally asked.

He lent back against the wood of the tree, his hands loosely at his sides. His whole posture expressed a calm confidence she envied him for.

"We have many men and women who could teach you better", he told her after some seconds of considering. "It has probably been a bad idea to try and make you see myself."

Disappointment spread over her face. He kept a straight face, though she looked suddenly crestfallen.

He reached out for her hand and lifted it to examine her fingers.

"It may take years to teach you _anything_."

She watched him, remaining silent at first. She wouldn´t have noticed it if she hadn't spent some time with him before. A short twitching of his lips. Something on his features she couldn´t put a finger on.

Silent amusement.

The guy was pulling her leg.

She reacted impulsively and found herself suddenly snarling at him.

He nudged her gently against the shoulder. She tumbled immediately, grabbing his arm for balance. He got hold of her by putting his free arm around her waist again.

"What the hell you´re doing ?" she hissed in English, more surprised than frightened.

"Take it as today´s lesson!" he told her. "Never dare your teacher – he knows about your weaknesses!"

Trudy suddenly realized the irritating intimacy of the moment. There she was, with an alien at the top of a tree, only his arm around her waist preventing her from falling.

"I didn't know you were that mad at me", she suddenly told him. "I should have talked to you before I left. It was foolish to run – from you and from hometree later on."

"I wasn´t mad at you for running from me", he answered. "But I had expected you to stay. Not giving up."

"So what´s your advise ?" she asked.

"Allow yourself to see", he told her lowly.

He loosened his grip a little and she flinched.

"Don´t let go!"

He laughed. "I won´t, skxawng."

"You just scared the hell out of me!" she accused him. "I said I am not like Jake!"

"But you got faith of the heart", he stated. "You will make it."

The frank statement surprised her.

"And how do you know ?" she inquired.

He cocked his head and smiled. She realized that it was a rather rare sight, and considering the length and sharpness of his canines, a remarkable one as well. A sight she found she liked.

"I see you", he answered lowly.


	16. Chapter 16

_Finally back after a while, a bit more Trudy stuff - hope you don´t mind!_

* * *

„She´s not ready to be initiated."

Jake turned, sighing impatiently.

"There must be something we can do!"

"She is not ready to chose an Ikran", Neytiri repeated firmly, speaking slowly like to an unreasonable child.

Jake threw Ey´até a questioning look but the warrior didn´t comment.

Neytiri frowned, sympathizing with Jake who had been worrying for weeks about Trudy´s peace of mind.

"I took her to the tree of souls for several times. I think she liked the experience - but I am not sure that it helped", Neytiri told the others.

"We got her out of Hell´s Gate", Jake said frustrated. "Kept her busy. Tired her out."

"She still thinks she has to handle this somehow on her own", Ey´até stated into the silence.

"She probably felt already quite alone the day of the battle", Jake mused. "She was the only one to get up there in a helicopter that day and though there were people on her sight around her, she was still somehow on her own there. That may be a reason for all this crap."

"Battle´s over", Norm stated drily. "No need to play the hero now!"

"You know, I have enough of this", Jake interrupted, suddenly losing patience. "If she thinks she has to do this alone – why don´t we let her!"

Ey´até took a sudden step forward. "Didn't you listen, brother ? She is not ready for the task! If she did try nevertheless, she would die trying!"

_***_

„_Hey!" __Trudy looked up and recognized John Shepherd, one of the other pilots. "Hey", she said with a short glance, returning her eyes to the tools in front of her._

"_What the hell happened today ?"_

_She knew what he referred to – her sudden return to the base just seconds before they had blown up Hometree._

"_Technical problems with one of the rotors again", she answered. "I wonder if I´ll have to crash first before these guys from technics will take my complaints seriously." She tried to ignore Gavin´s reproachful look down from the Samson´s roof. _

"_You were lucky the__n that nothing more happened." _

_Trudy heard the doubt in John´s voice clearly enough. "Yeah. Fortunately." _

_Shepherd threw her and Gavin another wry look, then turned. "See you for dinner ?"_

_Trudy didn´t look up this time. "Yeah, see ya later."_

_The pilot left. Gavin cursed lowly above her. "Be nice to that guy, will you ?" he encouraged her. "He didn´t buy your story – and others won´t probably buy it as well!"_

_Trudy shrugged. "Then let him report me! There is no career out here that it could do any damage to!" _

"_Did you ever consider the consequences of ignoring that firing order ?" Gavin asked._

_Trudy gave a sound of frustration and anger and smashed the tools into the toolbox. _

"_No!" she barked. "But I considered the consequences of following it and I didn´t liked them! Now do me a favour and get to your goddamn work!"_

_She left the hanga__r, fuming._

_***_

"_Is this seat taken ?"_

_John looked up to her. "No. Sit down!" _

_She nodded, putting her tray with foot down. "You´re late for dinner", she stated._

_He frowned for a moment. "Just wanted to make sure that my babe get´s smoothly through the check", he muttered. As every pilot, he would never stop to mistrust technicians. He was as used to check the parameters for himself every time he got into his Samson as Trudy was._

"_I heard they arrested Dr. Augustine today", he said, curious how she would react to it._

"_I heard about it__", she commented flatly. _

"_Guess you´re not too happy __ ?"_

_Trudy shrugged.__ "You don´t bite the hand that's feeding you", she answered casually. _

"_Don´t you…" _

"_Got already plans for tonight ?" she__ interrupted him suddenly. _

_He looked surprised for a moment. "You don´t wanna join the party ?" Quaritch had granted permission for a little celebration after accomplishing the mission. _

_She frowned, then grinned. "Won´t be much fun, listening to the others boasting with their heroic deeds." She grabbed his bottle of beer and took a swig. It took some effort not to grimace at the poor taste of it. "Thought you wouldn´t mind missing the party", she told him with a suggestive smile._

_***_

_Trudy sighed silently.__ She had never had trouble to fall asleep next to this guy. And she had never had trouble waking next to him. _

_Still, she had only __managed an hour or two of sleep. _

_She finally pulled herself together and sat up, careful not to wake him. _

_She had thought about talking to Shepherd. __He was kind of a reasonable guy – somehow. Still, he was quite loyal towards Quaritch. And he had followed the orders given to him the day before. Involving him wouldn´t be safe. _

_She threw a last regretting look at the dark shock of hair. He had turned his head in a way she couldn´t see his face right now. _Silly cow_, she told herself, reaching out for her clothes._

_***_

"_What the hell ?"_

_Trudy jumped at the sound of John´s voice. _

_He grinned, though he was quite confused by watching her, scantily clad, rummaging through his equipment. _

"_Are you going to _rob_ me ?" he asked when she remained silent._

_She got up from her kneeling position. _Now you got yourself caught – stupid bitch!

_He touched her bare shoulder and she flinched, though he had obviously not meant to attack her.__ With a deep breath, she turned to him – catching sight of his weapon and the ammunition pouch right next to it on a shelf only some steps away. _

_He followed her gaze __and gave a small sound of surprise._

"_What the hell are you up to, girl ?"_

The question should have been ´what were you up to´,_ she mused._

"_I am not up to anything", she answered lowly._

"_There hasn´t been any problem with your Samson yesterday, has it ?"_

_He looked down at her bent head. They had arrived together here and had become friends quickly. They had started spending nights together quite a while ago. But it had to happen secretly and they had both been comfortable spending a night together from time to time – none of them had wanted or expected it to become more. Still, he knew exactly how to interpret they way her chin came up now. _

"_Do you felt comfortable shooting at these people ?" she asked suddenly, her voice full of contempt. She studied his face, though afraid of what she might find there._

"_Well…it was an order."_

_Aware of the feeling of his fingers still touching her shoulder, she felt reluctance against it rise inside of her._

"_Congratulations then, soldier__." _

_Averting her eyes, she shoved his hand aside __and went looking for the rest of her clothes._

_He watched her, stunned._

"_It was a direct order, Trudy!" _

_She started dressing, her movements clearly agitated. _

_She gave a bitter laugh.__ "You´re right, John", she said. "`Fire!´ sounds so much more comfortable than "Start shooting women and children right now!", doesn´t it ? How did it feel, firing at innocent people!"_

"_We fired at that tree, not at them! __They attacked us several times before", he reasoned. "You have been attacked yourself once, remember ?"_

"_Tell me, Shepherd!" she hissed. __"Would you like to be attacked at your own home on your own world – without a reason ?! And isn´t blowing the house you live in up without warning the same as firing at someone directly ?Would you watch your wife and children die for nothing ? Wouldn´t you fight back at some point ?" _

_For a second, they stared at each other. Then he crossed his arms in front of him. _

"_What do you want me to do ?" he asked. "Desert ? On a world where I can´t even breath the air ? With that hell of a jungle out there for savages who are most probably going to kill me the moment they see me ?" _

_She returned his look for another moment, then grabbed her boots and sat down to put them on. _

"_I want you to borrow me your gun." _

"What ? _What do you need my gun for ?" _

_She got up again, her impatience growing._

"_Will you lend me your gun or not ?" _

_She passed him and stopped right next to the shelf where he had put the weapon, turning her face towards him. Shaking his head, he made a helpless gesture of allowance. She grabbed the weapon and ammunition and wrapped it in her jacket. _

"_Will you report me ?" she asked. _

"_Trudy, don´t…"_

"_Hush!" she told him. "I don't want your advise right now."_

"_I really hope you know what you´re doing", he told her._

_She smiled to him for a second, casually sliding her fingers across his naked chest on her way out with a last somehow admiring look. _

"_One of us should know at least, don´t you think ?" she answered._

_His last glance looked rather confused__. Turning away from him, she regretted finding out about his loyalties. On her way down the hall, she hoped heartily that the guy would stay out of her way. _

Trudy finally woke. This time not with a start, but with a bad taste in her mouth and a headache. She raised her hand to reach for her chest. She realized belatedly that she was linked to the avatar. There was no use to search for the tags she used to wear around her neck.

Still, she let her hand rest on her skin for a moment, right where she would have found the tags if she had been in her own body.

Nobody had ever asked her for them, as they probably all had presumed that they were her own. If anyone had noticed them at all. People working for the RDA had been paramilitary organized. Regarding the dangerous environment, they had all been wearing tags.

She had stopped to wear her own the day they had gone to battle. Norm hadn´t noticed it, but Jake had shortly commented on it when she had joined him and Neytiri to get her war paint.

Because of her broken leg, she hadn´t been able to help searching for survivors. But when she had recovered, she and Gavin had started to search for wreckage, mostly to make sure that there were no unstable explosives left. Metallic parts had been easy to detect and in most cases, Pandora´s carnivores had taken care of any mortal remains left then.

Well, in most cases. She wasn´t quite sure why she had done it, but she had kept Shepherd´s tags after finding him. It seemed pointless by now. She rubbed her face with the back of her hand. Though not the usual nightmare, she would have preferred to wake without recalling her latest dream. Dreams used to feel uncomfortably real from time to time. She had practically felt him close. Still, he was dead.

He had maybe been a fool, but he hadn´t deserved to die. But it was the same with so many others.

Frowning, she got up and headed for where the water supply was kept. Like back to that night with John, she could barely have slept longer than an hour or two. Still, right now she was wide awake.

***

"Where are you going ?"

Trudy jumped the moment Ey´até addressed her.

"I woke thirsty", she answered, turning to him. He sat close to one of the fires they kept going through the night. Without another word, he reached for his water bag and gestured to her to sit.

"Why are you awake ?" she asked after a emptying the water bag.

He nodded to the fire. "I am responsible keeping it."

Trudy brought her knees up to her chest and let her chin rest on her arms. Her mind wide awake but her body tired, she closed her eyes and listened. He was as taciturn as usual and for the moment, she was grateful for that. The soft steady sound of his knife sharpening the end of a wooden spear had a somehow soothing effect.

She knew that he sensed clearly how uncomfortable she felt. Most of the others would have asked her for the reasons, but he wasn´t the guy for that. He had offered her company instead and by that the chance to talk about the things on her mind – if she decided she wanted to. And silence didn´t feel awkward between them anymore.

Trudy was aware of the fact that she still tried to get along with her demons alone most of the time. She had realized weeks ago that she wouldn´t be able to get over this alone. Still she figured that up to some point, she would have to do it on her own – it was her way as sparing of words was his.

Compared to the early days, she had already learned many things. Though there was definitely much more left to find out about. But somewhere down the road, she had realized that these blue skinned catlike aliens had achieved easily what she hadn´t been able to achieve on her own – blind alien or not, they had found her a place. That fact allowed her a glimpse at what had happened to Jake months before. What had made him open his eyes in the first place.

Ey´até gave a low sound, a mix of a purr and a hiss. She interpreted it correctly as a murmur of discontent. Something she had gotten used to as well by now. Opening her eyes, she realized that this time, it hadn´t been her behaviour that had caused it. He frowned, examining the spot where he had just carved to deep.

Watching him reminded her of another thing she had learned by now – a Na´vi would never waste time by doing nothing. They would always find something to keep their hands busy. And watching the fire was important but everything else than challenging.

She reached out for the spear. "Can´t it be used anymore ?"

He didn´t look at her. "At least not for hunting larger animals." He wrinkled his nose. "Maybe for fishing." Another important thing. Wasting anything was clearly not in a Na´vi´s nature.

"You could use it to show me how to sharpen a spear properly", she suggested.

This time, he gave a small sound of mild mockery.

"You are far from hunting, _sca´ari_."

Besides the mild rebuke, she was glad that his attitude towards her abilities had at least somehow changed. He had stopped calling her a child a while ago, calling her "little sister" instead by now.

She didn´t comment, but made a face. She had agreed not to doubt his teaching methods again, but not to be happy with his choice. He only frowned again, throwing a wry look at her sitting posture. She smiled. _Sky people,_ said his eyes. No offense, but a mix of astounded surprise and doubts regarding their sanity in general.

She moved, crossing her legs the way he had done and he finally handed her the spear and the knife, moving closer to instruct her.

Only some minutes later, she flinched and almost cut her hand when somebody dropped a piece of prey right next to her. They looked up to the man standing right next to them. Ey´até had surely heard him approach, but she had been too busy concentrating on her work. Well, being caught off guard was the only thing she had gotten so far for doing one thing at a time as Ey´até always demanded.

Trudy recognized Sekit. He and Ey´até were as close as brothers and Sekit had also been the man Ey´até had travelled to the other Na´vi clan with some weeks ago. He snarled disapprovingly at her and out of an impulse, she snarled back, though lowly.

The warrior kept a straight face for some further seconds – then grinned. He had had it in for her from the start and being a guy of fierce strength and known for his hotheadedness, she had actually been afraid of him at first. He hadn´t talked to her directly for a while, but had made a habit of giving sarcastic comments to Ey´até about her in her presence as if she wasn´t there. It hadn´t taken long for her to lose temper and surprisingly, since she had given him the first adequate answer, he had changed his habit – teasing her directly now.

Ey´até looked from Sekit to the dead animal and back.

"Seems their mating season started early this cycle – it attacked me", Sekit explained.

"Everything seems to happen a bit earlier than usual this time", Ey´até answered.

Sekit nodded. "Seems so. I wonder what the Tsahik makes out of it." He sat down. "Have you ever taken that _tarin_ out there at night ?" Sekit kept calling Trudy that way, comparing her teasingly to a fearful animal of the size of a guinea pig for Na´vi.

For once, Ey´até asked a straight forward question. "Why ?"

"The water flowers have already started to flourish." He threw a glance at Trudy. "Surely quite a sight for a dreamwalker", he added ambiguously.

There was a moment of silence and this time, a not too comfortable one. Irritated, she looked to and fro between the two men and realized that she had obviously just missed something. Ey´até´s features had frozen. Then he bared his teeth, though silently. _None of your business_, that said.

Sekit´s ears twitched quickly and he cocked his head a little. _No offense, brother._

Ey´até watched him for another moment, then decided not to insist.

"I´ll watch the fire", Sekit offered. This time, there was no suggestive undertone in his voice. "Take her out there and show her."

"You´re tired ?" Ey´até asked Trudy, still not breaking eye contact with Sekit.

"Not more than usual", she answered. "But I won´t get much sleep anyway."

Ey´até got up. "Then let´s go."

***

She followed, light-fooded. Then he stopped abruptly and she bumped into him. The waterfalls had come into full sight now.

Trudy felt her jaw drop.

Hundreds of lichens, growing on the rocks behind the waterfall, glowed in a deep blue-green light, enlightening every drop of water dashing over the edge. After the soft luminescent glow she had seen on their way here, the sight was dazzling.

She took some further steps past him to get a better sight. He let her, watching her reaction attentively. It proved him right. She watched, silently, not even touched, but simply overwhelmed by the sight. Dreamwalker or not – she was able to see.

He touched her hand. "Come", he ordered. "There´s a better place to watch from."

***

Trudy sighed. Water sprayed her face and body, but the sight was worth it, as well as the nerve-wracking climbing tour it had taken to get here. She realized that she hadn´t wasted a single thought about the danger and the risk of it on their way. She could have watched the spectacle for hours. The glowing was somehow constantly bright, but the shades of green and blue varied. Together with the endless motion of the water, it made her feel slightly dizzy.

"Thank you."

"For what ?" he asked.

"For taking me here."

"This happens only two times a year. For about three nights."

"It´s the most beautiful thing I´ve ever seen", she whispered.

He reached out and stroked absently over her braid. "It´s called the glimpse of Eywa."

"That fits."

She lent against him. He didn´t object. Taking a deep breath, she decided to ask the question.

"Why told Sekit you that suggestively to take me here ?"

She was highly aware of his touch and wondered if he himself was aware of running his fingers over her braid again.

Ey´até closed his eyes and frowned in the darkness.

"It marks the begin of the mating season", he answered reluctantly.

"Oh." Trudy felt her cheeks getting hot suddenly. Mating session didn't seem to include only lower life forms´ mating habits.

"I see", she only added.

She fell silent then, taking her time marvelling at the sight.

***

Trudy felt still tired, but somehow relaxed as well as soon when they had finally mastered their way back from the waterfalls slippery rocks to safer ground and glad that Ey´até had obviously decided to take the lead again. They had been marching in silence for a while when he finally spoke.

"Norm told me that there are some problems with your body – this body. As it wasn´t yours up from the start."

"That´s right."

"I think there is nothing wrong with it."

His statement surprised her. She took two larger steps to be able to walk at his side. For once, he accepted it instead sending her back to march after one another as the Na´vi usually did.

"What do you mean ?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. "I am not making this up, you know!"

"I didn´t say you pretend. But I think you are imagining it."

They marched so close to each other that her arm slightly touched his.

"And you´re going to tell me that I imagined falling from the tree as well ? Losing balance out of the blue again and again ?" she asked, her temper rising.

"I have no idea of what your…_devices_ may tell you", he answered patiently. "But I know what I see. If there was a permanent problem, you would lose balance all the time. But you don't."

"Denise said that there might be problems with adapting to the avatar´s nervous system as this body wasn´t grown from my own DNA." She frowned, trying of a way to explain the medical jargon to him. "Norm´s and Jake´s and Grace´s avatars….they are related to their human bodies. Makes them look similar to the human bodies as well. Mine isn´t. So when I linked with it first, Denise warned me that I would need more time to adapt and learn to move around and stuff." She sighed at that unsatisfying explanation. "It´s like you would try to somebody else´s Ikran, I guess – it wouldn´t feel right for you as you´re not used to it. There is nothing wrong with me or the avatar – but they just don´t belong together. I still just don´t get along quite good with this body when things get tricky."

"Jake told me that there is no proof for a real problem – however your people would know about it."

"You talked to Jake about that ?" Her voice now revealed surprise.

"And shouldn´t any problem be permanent then ?" he continued, ignoring her last question. "I don´t see you stumbling and dropping things all the time. It never happened when you reacted instinctively."

Trudy looked at him, the expression on her face changing from angry over confused to thoughtful. She stopped walking and reached out for his arm, forcing him to do the same.

"Jake said there wasn´t any problem with your balance during your flight with the Toruk", he told her before she could contradict.

"He _held_ me!"

The statement earned her a dark look.

She raised one hand and rubbed the back of her neck absently.

"Nothing happened during the hunt two days ago", he told her. She turned her ears a little. It had been the first one she had been at least allowed to witness.

"And nothing happened tonight, though you climbed down half the waterfall to get to that ledge in the middle of the night!" he added.

"We talked about all this before", she answered reluctantly, frustration ringing clearly through the words.

"There´s nothing wrong with you and this body," he insisted. "It only happens when your fear is getting the better of you."

"So Sekit is probably right calling me a tarin."

"You didn´t run from the battle."

The argument surprised her. "There was no time left to be afraid, I guess. And I was in a body I trusted."

"Well, you actually _fell_", he reasoned. "And you survived."

"Regarding that, it´s quite ridiculous that I am afraid of the beginning of every new day, isn´t it ?"

He brought his hands up to her comparably slender shoulders.

"Tell me again why you came back to hometree."

She looked up to him, suppressing the urge to ask why he wanted her to do so.

"To learn."

"And why did you decide you´d have to learn ?"

"I need to protect my people", she whispered.

"Do you trust me ?"

That question baffled her. She only managed a nod, searching his features for any explanation for the sudden questioning.

"And your brothers ? Jake ? Norm ?"

"Sure I do." She moved uncomfortably. "Why the hell are you asking me that ?"

"Why do you think you have to do this alone then ?" he inquired.

Looking into her eyes, he watched her despair and frustration breaking lose again.

"I think I lost my way", she muttered finally, looking down. "And I am not sure if anybody can help me find it again."

He observed her for some seconds while she just stood, her head lowered, her shoulders slouching. He caught her scent, that mixture that marked her as clearly as an alien as a creature of Eywa as well, somehow. For an instant, he wondered again how Eywa could be in this woman´s blood and soul, but simply not in her head.

"Don´t lose faith", he ordered her lowly, an order he had given her several times before by now.

He bent forward a little, his movement causing her to look up to him again. His kiss took her by surprise while his hand on her neck forced her gently closer.


	17. Chapter 17

Trudy woke slowly from a deep sleep. For a short while lost in the twilight between sleep and full consciousness, she felt wrapped warmly in last night´s memories.

They brought a comfortable shiver back to her skin. It took her a second to decide if these memories were real.

With the next thought, she cursed her human fellows heartily, then herself. She had indeed read Grace´s book about the Na´vi, the chapters regarding mating and stuff as well, though with a smile back then.

She moved one hand slowly and carefully to touch the corner of her mouth where her lower lip felt a little bit swollen – the remains of a fiery kiss.

It brought a smile to her face.

Grace might have been able to write about their customs, about mating cycles and stuff. Still, her information had surely not been first hand.

Trudy granted herself another silent moment of recall. Nobody had told her how strong Na´vi instincts were. And she would probably have only laughed if somebody had tried to.

Her eyes still closed, she reached out for the body that had been warming her through the night.

* * *

_But finally, you have to wake up. _

Trudy got up to her knees and watched around, Jake´s words echoing in her mind.

"What the hell….", she whispered, sliding her palm over the empty place right next to her, as if it could make things more believable.

There was no trace left of her lover.

Trudy waited for a while. Ey´até had never left her alone out in the woods. He still thought of that as too dangerous. So she stayed where they had spent the night. He had chosen the place as he had thought of it as safe. Though she had no idea why he hadn´t woken her before he had left, she was sure that he would return. Putting her arms around her knees, she sat back and waited.

It didn´t take long before she lost patience. It was just not him to leave her here unprotected.

She considered calling out for him, but decided not to do that. One of the most important rules was not to raise the attention of any creature out here that might consider her an appropriate breakfast.

She finally imitated the call of a bird she had been taught recently, a rather unobtrusive way to signalize her position without ending up as a snack. She repeated the sound several times and waited for another while.

Nobody answered.

* * *

After waiting for what felt like an hour, Trudy decided to leave as well.

She muttered another curse under her breath. Sun had risen and it was getting warmer. This was ridiculous. For some weird reason, the guy had left her in the middle of nowhere, with nothing more than a knife, and she couldn´t decide if to hate him for that or if to worry about his safety instead of her own. The fact that she felt a little bit dizzy today didn´t help to enlighten her mood.

Lost in her thoughts, she tripped.

She sighed, allowing herself to rest for a moment against the tree´s trunk right next to her.

What had only been a sneaking suspicion at first became slowly certainty.

She had finally managed to get lost.

Again.

Now here she was, halfway up one of the larger trees around. One of the trees that grew higher than the rest and got used to orientate.

Na´vi possessed a strong sense of direction. Grace had once called it their inner compass. Trudy had never heard about a Na´vi losing his way. They would always know where to go, no matter how similar the forest around them might look on every side. They would always find a way – and they didn´t seem to actually have to search for one.

She paused for a moment, wiping some sweat out of her eyes. She slid her fingers about a small itching wound on her forearm, still trying to ignore the dizziness she felt. She couldn´t remember cutting herself, but mused that it had happened the night before while climbing back up from the waterfall.

She mused privately that the dizziness she felt had no real physical reasons, but was only some reaction badly suppressed panic reaction.

She tipped her head back and looked straight up.

She took another breath, inhaling the different scents around her. In a weird way, everything appeared clearer defined than before. Ey´até had taught her how to orientate if she got lost, anyway, and obviously for good reasons. The only thing she would have to do was to climb up to the top of the damn tree and look around.

She closed her eyes for a second, fighting the feeling of sickness down in her stomach.

It was one thing to climb a tree of the size of a hundred storey building with someone to catch her at her back.

It was another thing to do it alone.

* * *

Jake found Neytiri talking to some other hunters, planning today´s hunt. Nodding to the others, he touched her forearm gently.

"I got to talk to you for a second."

She turned to him, surprised by both the interruption and the serious tone he spoke in.

Jake ignored the surprised looks of his fellow hunters. Most of them had by now gotten used to his sometimes rather rude looking interruptions and wouldn´t take offence. Besides, he felt that since he had become Toruk Makto, people granted him a certain degree of weirdness easier than before.

They took some steps away from the others and his mate looked up to him in concern while he touched her softly by the shoulders.

"Neytiri, where´s Trudy ?"

Her eyes grew a little larger and she twitched her ears in surprise.

"Trudy ? I haven´t seen her so far."

"Well, nobody has so far!"

Neytiri didn´t seem to find the fact worrying.

"Wherever she´s gone, she has surely not left alone.

* * *

She reached out to play with a braided strand of his hair.

"Ey´até hasn´t showed up to accompany the Ikran riders for the hunt today", she told him. "If he was here, he would have come to join us."

Jake turned a little, allowing Neytiri to overlook the camp that way.

"You´ll never guess who just returned from the woods", he muttered, sounding desperate.

Neytiri followed Ey´até´s movements while he crossed the camp, heading for his sleeping place. Then she touched Jake´s arm.

"Don´t worry", she told him, her confidence just too much for Jake. "I am sure Trudy´s alright!"

* * *

Trudy found that crossing the forest down on the ground was even more demanding than crossing it hopping from one branch to another. Quite un-Navi-like as well. Avoiding wavering trees had his prize.

Besides, glancing around again, she was still unsure if she was heading into the right direction.

She sent a dark look up to the sky, or at least tried. There was not even the smallest patch of it visible through the canopy of leaves over her.

She suddenly remembered the day they had lost Jake out in the woods on his first expedition with the scientists out there. Grace hadn´t trusted him to be able to make it through the night back then.

Ignoring the goosebumps it caused, she tried to concentrate on marching again – trying to ignore the little devil´s voice at the back of her head that kept asking the same question again and again.

If Grade hadn´t believed that a former marine would make it through the night out here, would a former pilote in a borrowed Na´vi body make it ?


End file.
